Vote now - lock ded out or not?

[BuzzLightbulb]

11 was curfew, now getting on for 1125, the whole being back when agreed has been a major issue for weeks.

I thought DSD was going to her dads tonight but she turned up and was all sweetness and light.

DP is out, do I lock and bolt the door?

Dads house is a 15 min walk, but he doesn't want to deal with her, we've had her four months full time, he then ad one week and it was enough fr him.

Happybeard, that's exactly it.

She has her future planned out.

Dad will buy her a car when she's 17 and pay all the running costs.

A friends dad has got her a job waitressing two Saturdays a month, again fell in her lap without any effort from her. I'm betting when she realises how hard work it is for so little money she'll quit in a cpl months.

Not sure why she went back to school.

We were told at a parenting talk at school not to sit them down & talk when they get in late but to save the chat for the next day as you are more likely to have a row at this point which won't help things long term.
Yes... it also gives the time to reflect and perhaps worry - which is not a bad thing! I find it works better to say "go to bed and we will talk about this tomorrow" -it also allows the adults time to work out exactly what unified approach (I mean you and DP, buzz, since I gather her dad isn't much use with this!) they will take and has helped us to avoid sending mixed messages.

Totally agree that a curfew is perfectly right for a 16 year old living at home! The lateness of the curfew should take into consideration their prior behaviour and attitude, too. A kid who has shown themselves to be responisble and trustworthy earns a later curfew.

I had a curfew at 18!!! My mum couldn't sleep until we were all home. I think that is fair!

My mum once dragged my step sister out of a pub because she learned she had taken the morning after pill. There were a number of times when my mum got involved when my step dad didn't/wouldn't. My step siblings no longer have contact with my mum or step dad at all.

I absolutely agree that she needs a curfew and 11 is very reasonable unless it's a special occasion.

I do agree she needs consequences for her behaviour but locking her out isn't one of them. I think there should be other ways of dealing with this.

I get where you're coming from with the job and car. It's frustrating having a teen telling you they're independent with a superior attitude whilst taking everything they can rather than getting off their bum and making things happen themselves.

Yoyo, how old was your step sis? If ANYONE dragged me out of anywhere for that reason at any age I wouldn't speak to them again so it doesnt surprise me they're no contact .

Happy beard, about 17/18.

And that's what I mean..... If OP starts down this route it will lead to heart ache

Totally yoyo.

Sometimes I think as steps we can go overboard in a desperate attempt to counteract shoddy parenting from the other side

I would never lock out a child under 18 but I wouldn't let them out again until they'd made up for it. In future warn her that the door gets locked at say half 11 and that she will have to stay at her dad's or a friends if she wants to be out later. But do let her in after a bit of knocking anyway if shes a bit later than that. Then refuse to give her any pocket money for don't give her lifts places etc etc.

Also I think a curfew is reasonable even at 18 if I was coming home after 1 I'd stay at a friends instead (and warn my mum in advance). At 16 I'd have to be home by 10 if not earlier! If I was going to a friends mum would give me a lift home or the friends mum would so we didn't have to go out in the dark. This would always be pre planned because I was considerate!

If ANYONE dragged me out of anywhere for that reason at any age I wouldn't speak to them again so it doesnt surprise me they're no contact

If my DSS was drinking in a pub, you bet I'd drag him out. He's 16.

I meant for the reason that is taken the morning after pill.

oh, yeah - that's not good. :)

So what happened OP?