Just thinking out loud - blended families - did you decide to have more children?

[littlegreenlight1]

???

We have done it. DH has 2 children DSD (8) and DSS (11) and we have DS (2). He was a bit of a surprise and I'm not sure we'd have planned things this way, but I knew I definitely wanted children at some point.

As it happens DSD and DSS have been brilliant from day one. We were worried about issues but aside from a bit of detachment from DSS during pregnancy, it's been great. Once DS arrived his big brother and sister doted on him. We've made sure they are very much involved the whole way through.

DSS and DSD came to live with us full time a year ago and will be here until they are able to live independently. The house is chaos (you people with 5 children and a calm house need to teach me, I'm begging lol) and they have a totally normal sibling relationship. All three squabble, annoy each other and have moments of being lovely to one another.

I wouldn't change it for anything :)

We have a child together, we still get to go out, we just arrange a sitter or family. It's so nice seeing how close my dsc are to ds. They love him and he adores them.

Really going through this at the moment. I have 3 - 18, 16, 10. He has 2 - 15, 12.
We so badly want one together but there seem so many more "no" reasons we've just about decided we can't do it.
Both came out of awful relationships, feel cheated that we can't have one together - also are 37 and 40 starting again is a terrifying idea etc.
Decision made i suppose.

undecided... 4 between us, 2 mine, 2 DP's. We both would, if money and time were no issue. But we are not stable enough financially to jump in. Plus I'm 32, and he's 42 so are at slightly different stages in how we think about it all. All four of the DC's are 7 or under, which means we're very much still in the small kids stage. One in potty training, one still to go... I think if we do, it should be sooner rather than later but I would never go ahead in a financially uncertain time. Which probably means not for 3-4 years. Which probably means, on balance, we won't. I can't see us starting over when he's 46 and all the kids are at school and we're both established in our careers again. Heart v head battle here!

Really interesting comments, thank you for sharing.

Boyffanteh... Yeah I know what you mean about the series of "no" reasons. We had the same... His kids nearly flying the nest, mine nearly done with primary school, the Imminent freedom I think is the most powerful one of all.

But I am accidentally pregnant now.

Neither of us was particularly concerned to prevent pregnancy, so I guess we have chosen to allow this situation to happen.

We are both Still in shock really, so hoping more people come on and post about their experiences!

I have 4 DS aged from 11-17 and DP has 2 DD aged 8 and 10 (they live with his ex) and we're expecting a child together in July. I'm 40 and DP is 38. I told my sons tonight and they were happy about it (phew! I was a bit worried!) we haven't told the girls yet as we'll tell them face to face when we have them at New Year for a week (they live a long way away). Don't yet know how it'll work but I'm optimistic!!

Hey probably me! Nice to meet you! Our situations seem relatively similar on the face of it. We are not yet living together though. That was something we were working up to, but seemed like worth waiting til his boys were off so we don't need such a massive house!

Glad your boys are happy, and hope it goes well with the girls at new year. Keep us posted!

I'm not telling anyone just yet as still very early days. Want to get a scan booked anyhow.

Dp and I have 5 between us.....and one one the way, our first together.
It's a personal decision but for me I find the child free weekends too quiet and boring now. We've had holidays, weekends away etc and I miss full time parenting. We do love a meal out together but I hope getting a sitter for a baby will be easy after years of having Arcaro little ones. Our dc are all at school so I may regret this one when we hit toddler years again!

Sadly no. When we got together I had DS 11 and DD 7, he has an adopted DS then 7, as his ex could not have children. So he had never had his own child, which he was very sad about.

I got pg twice and both ended in mc. At 43 I felt I could not keep doing that, and as his ex did 10 years of IVF, I did not want to let ttc and mc take over. So we decided not to get pg again. It was a hard decision.

We don't regret as we are happy, but I do wonder sometimes. I know his parents would have been delighted. That is 6 years ago now.

Sounds like a tough journey for you both calico.

Smugnog... Know what you mean about the quiet times being too quiet!

We have just the one DD (mine) and we don't plan to have any more. DD is a teenager now and we enjoy spending time together as a family doing relatively adult things (12/15 rated films, trips away, sightseeing, long walks) that we couldn't do with a baby/toddler. DH and I also get a lot of child-free time as DD flexi boards, we enjoy socialising and hobbies which usually take place in the evenings/weekends so it would really kill our social life. We could afford another child but we'd have to move which I wouldn't want to do. The area we are in is quite expensive, vibrant and interesting but not family-friendly for younger dc and I'd rather stay here than move to a safe family suburb.

I am very firm about the decision and I'm planning to go for sterilisation next year.

We did. I had 3 teenagers, he had one and we have 2 between us. The teens were 16, 18, 21 & 23 when DS was born and 2 yrs older when DD was born. They all think of each other as brothers and sisters and although the big ones are in their 30's now they love having a teenage brother and sister and the other way round too. It worked well for us. Although having 6 children means we never have any money!

Hi grandchildren rock... Your family sounds lovely! Can you tell us a bit about what it was like for you when your younger kids came along? What aspects were hard or unexpectedly lovely?

Captain blue... Sounds like you're quite content with your smaller family, was it an easy decision to make? Did you discuss it at length? Or was it something you were both very nuch on the same page about?

I'm finding it really interesting how people manage the transition and also the decision making process

Thanks everyone for your posts

Hi Guyropes, I was much older when the younger ones came along, I was 40 and almost 43 and I'd had the others in my teens/twenties. I was much more tired than I thought I would be but equally well I had much more support both practical and emotional. The first 'blended' baby didn't cry for 4 months because he had so many pairs of arms holding him. Having a baby in the house with teenage girls was the best contraceptive you could have! They knew the reality of night feeds, dirty nappies etc.
The 16 yr old used to ask me not to dress the new baby in 'knitted clothes' they were so old fashioned! My DH used to say 'he's a baby not a fashion statement'. The same 16 yr old remembers having to be quiet when she didn't have to be before. I can't remember that but she says I used to get cross when she was chatting on her phone late in the evening.

My 16 and 18 yr old DD were at the birth of their brother but only the oldest one repeated the experience with her sister 3 yrs later. The younger one was babysitting her little brother!

I honestly can't think of anything negative from the time, but now the younger two are older teens I know I do much more with them because I can. Going to the cinema, going shopping etc. I can't have done that much with the other teens because there were babies and toddlers to deal with. It didn't feel like that at the time though.
Having children older was lovely because it was easier than the first time round and I really valued their early years because I knew how quickly they would fly by. With my first family I used to long for their bedtime for some peace and quiet, but didn't feel like that at all with my last two. I have never minded any phase of their childhood because I know it won't last for ever.
Not sure if I've answered your questions or have just been waffling!

Ah I love the sound of the first 4 months. Lovely.

Really lovely post, grandchildren... Yes, you are answering my question! Thanks so much for sharing, it's reassuring me that my optimism for it being easier this time is plausible! My dd's love little ones and are going to be over the moon when they find out!

We have three between us - one mine, two his. At some points I would have loved another, but always felt it would be pushing our luck. Already challenges with a blended family, maybe it would be too greedy to add a 6th human being to the mix? Also we both work really hard, have busy social lives. Would have to give up an awful lot.
Having said that I'm sure we could manage - and enjoy it. We'll see.