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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Daily Mail Article "warning to second wives"

36 replies

Petal02 · 23/01/2014 19:11

This article, in today's Daily Mail, warns women who marry men with children, that their husband is likely to favour his children over his new wife.

Nothing new there really!

OP posts:

FrogStarandRoses · 27/01/2014 12:31

What's very telling in your situation, Eliza is that despite your DH being Disney and refusing to set boundaries for fear of losing his DCs, it's happened anyway.
Dads can appease their DCs all they want, but often they are just delaying the inevitable and in the process, they do untold damage to the relationship with their DP/DW.

Pregnantberry · 27/01/2014 12:39

It's so immature to see it like a hierarchy. When two parents are together then the individual parents are still supposed to put their child first, but they don't go around blowing raspberries at their spouse/partner saying "nah nahh, I love DS/D more than you!"

...Yes, that is a silly exaggeration, but that's how I see the whole 'hierarchy' thing.

Obviously, it's very sad when a parent seems to abandon their children and spend all of their time with a new partner, but I think that that's just because the parent in question is a dick, not because he/she is so blinded by their perfect love that they forget about their children.

Eliza22 · 27/01/2014 16:19

The unfortunate result of DH always trying to overlook what youngest sd was doing so as not to be estranged has resulted in her spitting the dummy and now they have a fractured relationship and she refuses anything to do with our "family". At this rate, they'll be conducting their father/daughter relationship in various pubs and restaurants, up and down the country (she won't come here unless I agree to go out). I can think of nothing more sad.

fubar74 · 27/01/2014 20:44

mind you I haven't read the article I was just meaning the Comments on here

theredhen · 27/01/2014 21:17

Yep same here. The last time we all 7 of us went out to a theme park, dss said he would only come if he dictated which theme park.

He was allowed to do so. Dp really couldn't stand up to him, he knew then he was on the brink of losing him. It was too late to stand up to a child who had been pandered to for many years.

4 weeks later he walked out of our home and we haven't seem him for nearly 2 years.

Putting dss "first" did nothing for mine and dp relationship, his relationship with his other children or his relationship with my ds.

And it has finished off any relationship between father and son.

Kaluki · 28/01/2014 12:27

I wonder if these kids are crying out for a parent to actually be a parent and not a friend, pushing the boundaries as far as they can in the hope that their dad (or mum) steps up and gives them some boundaries!
My dsc seemed happier once DP stopped the Disneying and they do really respect him for it.

Eliza22 · 28/01/2014 19:13

Hmm, but what do you do when it's gone on so long and they're now adults? (20, 24 and 25). It's too late for boundaries beyond " please behave with courtesy toward my wife because she is my choice and you are an adult".

FrogStarandRoses · 28/01/2014 20:58

The damage is done, eliza, there's only one chance at parenting!

It might be possible to limit the chance of history repeating itself if there is any way of remaining an influence in future DGC lives - but more than likely, the cycle will repeat itself.

Eliza22 · 29/01/2014 08:28

Nah, think I'll just retreat and detach entirely by then. No point.

purpleroses · 29/01/2014 09:48

A few men, very sadly, end up in situations where they really do need to choose between their DC and their DW - eg if their children's mum decides to move them to the other side of the world, but DW can't/won't move there.

But for most people the idea of who comes "first" is ridiculous. You balance the needs of all the people in your life, just like you do in a "together" family.

fubar74 · 29/01/2014 10:09

I have just had this out with DH last night, and I totally agree with Kaluki, my two were disney parented by ExH and his wife, my kids are coming up 20 and 21 in the next few months and they maybe see them twice per year because they feel they must., usually at Christmas and his birthday, must feel wonderful!

On the other hand, luckily me and DH seem to be on better terms, his idea of him not needing to 'parent' him anymore just because he is not living with us is bang out of order, the lad is 17, has a pregnant GF (to trump his mother) and is getting into loads of bother because he didn't parent him properly when he was here never mind out there. He now lives in supported accommodation (like a hostel) but still needs his dad's support and guidance.

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