I've tried so hard to bond with DP's two kids and thought that everything was going well, although the usual arguments about consideration, tidiness and cleanliness with the pre-teen.
We found out in January that we were expecting a baby, and we made a point of making sure that DP's boys were involved and that they knew that it wouldn't make any difference to the way we felt about them.
Recently the pre-teen has refused to come and visit and won't talk to me at all, he's been rude to his grandmother, demands that his elder brother and BM run around after him and claims that both DP and I are victimising him. When asked in front of his BM to give examples of when this happened he just looked at the floor and wouldn't say anything.
We then found out that he had told a neighbour that we hit him and that he's scared of us... to say that we are devastated is an understatement. We have NEVER raised a finger to him nor would we. His dad would rather chop off his right arm than harm him. We have tried to arrange a meeting on neutral territory to talk to him about it, but he just says he doesn't want to come.
The baby is due in three weeks and I am in bits - I have told DP that I don't want to be left alone with pre-teen as I don't want to be in a position where it's his word against mine. I know that he's DP's son, but all I can think about is protecting my baby. In contrast, the older son stays with us the majority of the time, we sit down to dinner together and actually talk.
I feel myself withdrawing from the whole situation and contemplating moving back to be with my own family rather than have to deal with such a destructive force. I know that is cowardly, but I just feel so scared.
Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated. I just keep coming up with worst case scenarios and it's making me cry. 