I'm a disgusting person I know, please tell me how to move forward

[Fairy130389]

I have been looking after my dsd for nearly 4 years, she lives with us full time. I ave always felt lik e she was mine and loved her like I would y own child. I have been fully involved in schooling, appointments etc...

I have recently had my own baby, heis now 3 weeks old. I don't know if. Is the sleep deprivation or what but I feel like I'm going mad. I can now barely look at my step daughter. I don't want her near my baby. She is constantly arguing with everythingi say which I know is ecause of my attitude towards her.i have tried so hrd to not let her know but how can she not? On top of it all we can't send any quality time together because f the baby so can't mend anything... I m constantly shouting t her and I can see tat she hates me... I feel so hostile towards her... Please please don't give e the wicked sm stuff,I know how wrong all this is but I can't ove forward and I am at my wits end. She is 8 btw

Fairy, sorry if it came across as if I was flaming you. I am not. I understand how hard it is when you have a new baby.

Your post has reassured me that you are taking steps to minimise the effect of your feelings on your dsd.

Feeling emotional and crying is normal, it is a massive change and takes some getting used to.

The signs of post-natal depression, do you recognise any of the main ones in yourself?

The feelings of an obsessive nature about your ds, are they related to anxiety that something might happen to him? Do you have to follow certain routines, cleaning processes repetitively? There is also something known as post-natal OCD (see link on the bottom of the other one above).

You may not have either of these and may just be coping with the change and settling in to being a mum, but worth a read just in case. There is lots of help and support out there and the earlier you get it the better for you and your family.

You are only three weeks in. The reason why she is missing your attention is because she loves you, things will get back on an even keel and she will no doubt become a really helpful person to have around.

Don't beat yourself up, carry on being a nice step mummy and repeat ad nauseum - it's just my hormones, it's just my hormones. And cry as much as you like, you are allowed, just get to the gp if you are fed up.

Fairy, I think to some extent the step issue is clouding things. Lots of people have a new baby and feel guilty about the lack of quality time spent with the older one. Also your baby is only 3 weeks old and is tiny, when he is 20 months and trying to eat the food off your daughter's plate or pulling her hair I guarantee you'll feel cross.

You may have a bit of post natel depression, or you may not. Have a look round, there are lots of threads where others feel similarly.

Your hormones are all over the show, love. Seriously, I think what you feel is very normal. When my ds was a newborn I seriously resented anything or anyone that prevented me from my 100% devotion to my sons's needs.

As time goes by, it lessens but, 3 weeks post-delivery. Just be kind to yourself and tell DH how you feel. Speak to your Health Visitor, too.

Congratulations on your new baby xx

I still feel guilty to this day for how I was with DS1 when DS2 was born and I was on my own with them. I was short tempered, over protective and a little bit crazy - he reacted by being cheeky and defiant. If he had been a stepchild and not my own no doubt I would have felt the same as you.
The fact you are upset by it shows you aren't wicked.

There are times now when I feel like I don't want my dsc near me, especially dsd as she is very very clingy and needy and tries her best to get my attention away from my own dc so you are not alone.
Give yourself a break and enjoy your baby - they grow up so quick this is a special time for you.