dsd called me mum and I handled it wrong.

[NachoAddict]

Brief background, dp and I have been together 3 years, we have ds almost 1, dsd 5, my Dd 5 and ds 8.

We get on well with dp ex everything is amicable.

Over the last year I have spent a lot of time caring for dsd along with my children. Often at ex's request but always with her knowledge. We have also spent a lot of time just me, dsd and baby so have become quite close.

Ex has had a baby very recently and for various reasons dsd has spent a lot of time either with us or Mil. I am aware that she may be feeling pushed out so have been making a special effort to make sure she feels loved, happy etc when she is with us.

Today dp was at Mils doing her garden and I was home with all 4 children. The girls were playing upstairs when dsd called down "mummy", I assumed it was part of her game with Dd so ignored it and she shouted again. "mummy, can we have a drink please?"

I just said ok and took them a drink. I know I should have corrected her but I don't want her to feel rejected here if she is already feeling pushed out at home.

How should I handle this...

I think it's lovely. Dd called DH daddy and he said it was one if the most wonderful moments of his life.

I think it's difficult because people are so different.

Hypothetically -

If my dc were encouraged to call a succession of gfs mummy I really wouldn't be happy.

But if dh got remarried & dc naturally started calling his wife mummy (particularly at your dsd's age) I would be pleased they had a relationship that was close enough to do that. That they felt they had another woman in their lives they felt loved by and was in their corner. I won't lie and say I wouldn't feel a small pang if it was right in front of me but I would be grateful she loved my dc too and was another person they could trust and talk to.

It sounds like she needs you to do exactly what you're doing. Her mum should be glad that with a new baby to deal with, her daughter is being supported, loved and included at a time all firstborns are feeling very vulnerable. But yes, I am aware with a history of cutting contact that sounds very naive.

Well so far today I am back to being nacho so panic over, I think she was just checking that she could if she wanted to.

& she can

which is lovely

It's lovely and it is a tribute to your relationship with her. My DSD called me 'mummy' for a couple of years and would boast at school about having 2 mummies - her mum was very generous about it. She calls me by my name since her brothers came along when she was 9 but despite being 18 she'll be round in a minute for a roast and a snuggle. Treasure it - it's one of those rare moments in stepparenting when you realise you are doing something right!

I think you handled it fine. I think it would have been a bit sad to correct her in that situation. Girls of that age will sometimes call their teachers mummy etc. I would just see if she does it more often, in which case you could decide with your husband and dsd mother what if anything is to be said to dsd. But anyway, inform your husband now so that he knows and you cn get his views.

I think you handled it perfectly. I feared you were going to say your response was "I'm not your Mummy" - which to my mind would have been handling it wrong.
My godson spent a few years calling me Mummy - apparently he called any woman he trusted Mummy - it was a sign of love and trust.