Suggestions for dealing with ds being woken by dss

[FedupofTurkey]

Has anyone got ideas on how to deal with this.

My ds and I stay at my partners occasionally. Every morning my partners 2 youngest go into my ds' room and wake him up. I know its partly novelty at us being there, they like him etc. This is resulting in my usually happy ds being really tired and grumpy. Me and my partner have talked to the youngest dss' (5 and 8) and said they are not to go in the room if the door is shut, but it makes no difference they still do. They just don't need as much sleep as my ds (10). I guess its partly family life and my ds is used to quiet, but I feel for him he was sooo tired this morning. Any suggestions?

He shouts at them! Its their whole routine that needs changing I think

Although as they share a room they wind each other up.

why are they sharing a room whilst your DS has a room to himself even though he only stays occasionally? i would imagine (in fact i know because i have two like that and separated them) that two chidlren whow wind each other up at bedtime would be far easier to deal with and get settled at night if in separate rooms.

their routine needing changing really only is up to your DP to decide as you dont live there and it's only affecting you occasionally.

i'll be honest- if the dcs are used to getting up at 6am everyday and playing or whatever then i think it's unfair to ask them to change that routine just for your ds who stays occasionally. i think your DP needs to stop shouting (is he shouting from downstairs to tell them to go to bed or does he go up and shout?- neither is what he should be doing btw if the purpose is to reduce noise!) and actually put a proper plan in place so that the noise is reduced and that they aren't going into the rooms of anyone who is still sleeping at 6am. shouting is a crap response tbh- that just means more noise and means he is as much part of the problem as the chidlren.

Suckma - your earlier post simply stated that the op partner needs to get up with his children. You didn't make it clear that he should be disciplining them even if he is up with them. I have simply stated that just getting up at 6am with the children may not necessarily solve the problem and by getting up you are also "normalising" that time as awake time. My experience is that once my step children realised they weren't allowed to deliberately wake my ds, they would go about their morning routine in a very loud way which woke ds. It was the difficult to get my dp to discipline his kids as they weren't waking ds up "on purpose". Of course a lot depends on the house layout and the morning routine of the awake children as well as personality of all children and parents as well as styles of discipline.

I am just offering the op my experiences. The only "point" I am making is that op should be aware that getting up with the step kids may not necessarily solve the problem.

"your earlier post simply stated that the op partner needs to get up with his children. You didn't make it clear that he should be disciplining them even if he is up with them."

i honestly didn't think i would have to say "and discipline them". surely it's was obvious that i didn't mean to get up and do nothing? otherwise why the hell would i suggest getting up?

i assumed (wrongly obviously!) that anyone reading would know that just getting up with the dcs consists of more than just watching them be noisy. at least i certainly dont get up with my dcs and just let them carry on as if i wasn't there. there would be zero point to me getting up if i did that.

I would be careful with this. Your partners boys will associate you and your son with being threatened with consequences that are not already part of their routine, punishments and generally being shouted at.

They are not going to want you and you ds there at this rate

I dunno. Your partner's boys need to do as they are told, they aren't toddlers. They need this in all areas of their life, not just in relation to your DS at weekends. He needs to get it sorted. How much time do they spend with him?

I would be careful with this. Your partners boys will associate you and your son with being threatened with consequences that are not already part of their routine, punishments and generally being shouted at.

They are not going to want you and you ds there at this rate

Brilliantly summed up.

It's a very common story.

DisneyDad doesn't discipline his DCs for fear of "upsetting them" and generally lets them get away with whatever they want - until he begins to blend with his g/f family, when he discovers that his DC's are a nightmare/undisciplined/embarrassing and that g/f DC's are better behaved.

Dad begins to discipline his DC's, but the DC's think it is the g/f pulling his strings and resent her, and make a concerted attempt to drive g/f out of Dads life in the hope that he will go back to being good ol' DisneyDad again as soon as g/f is out of the picture.

All this can be prevented by NRP not absolving themselves of their parenting responsibility and realising it is not a popularity contest - but there are so many RP who expect their ex's life to revolve around the DC's during contact, and support the DC's when good ol' Dad disciplines the DCs that it's unlikely to ever change.

My advice - never get involved with a man with DC's!

i could be wrong but i dont think OP has said whether her DP is PWC or NRP.

Thats true - he could be a full-time DinseyDad - they exist as well!

The reality is that at the moment, discipline, to the OP's DSC, consists of their behaviour being corrected. There is no motivation not to repeat the behaviour, because there are no consequences.

or carrots. which could work just as well or better than removal of treats.

but any form of discipline souds like it would be an improvement on him just shouting.

Its full time. I think removal of toy may work on the older one, the younger one doesn't get it at all!

What time do the children wake at when you aren't staying over ?

I'm with brdgrl your ds is older than them and as such should be allowed to stay up later even if go in your bedroom time is 9 he should be allowed once there to play on his Xbox or tablet or read as long as he's not disrupting the house, nip this in the bud now, your son needs his extra sleep at the wkend and your stepkids are disrespecting you by waking him up when you have told them not too. Your child is your priority so make sure he gets the sleep he needs and make your sk aware that by making noise to wake him up they are doing wrong and will be punished.

Could your DS be trusted with having a small bolt lock on the inside of his bedroom door to stop them coming in and waking him up?

My ds said about having a bolt on his door - he could be completely trusted but i'm uncomfortable about that for safety reasons. My partner has also said about putting a bolt on his kids door

Concrete - later i think

There are very good reasons not to bolt young DCs into their room, or to allow an older DC to bolt himself in - I'm struggling to understand why this is preferable to some effective parenting?

If your DP is struggling, then why don't you both go on a parenting course? It was great for DP and I as it gave us the chance to discuss our parenting values and boundaries before we blended the two households.

Not a disney - yes I'm uncomfortable with locks. Where do i find a parenting course?

You could try contacting your local children's centre or family information service.
Ask at school, many have family support workers who can refer to courses and schemes.
Some may even advertise in local papers and free magazines