How do you bring up things that don't want to be heard?!?

[cinnamongreyhound]

We have dss usually 1 evening in the week and alternate weekends I wanted to talk to his teacher about reading and did so successfully. She told us that he is struggling with writing alphabet and his key words and reading (he is 4 and in reception). She would therefore like us to practise things with him at home and has given us some worksheets to help. She also mentioned that it's a team effort and she would like us to talk to his mum (suggesting that she hasn't done so) and here is our dilemma. It is a difficult situation to describe to the teacher and we do not want to bad mouth his mother but we know that mentioning that we have spoken to the teacher will cause a lot of problems. She is also completely unable to take critisism and will take it as a personal insult that her son is struggling and not that he needs help to improve and she can help by doing extra at home. Things are begining to settle down between dp and his ex so we don't want another inflammatory situation but this is dss's education and with the little time we see him we feel that it won't be as beneficial as it could be. Any ideas?

Your father sounds like a saint.

I'd argue with this modern premise about pretending that the mother's interests and those of young children are separate. Generations of human experience contradict that idea, but I guess that's another thread.

I think if you keep looking at the other side and having empathy, you won't go far wrong. Forewarned is forearmed, and knowing where the other person is coming from in terms of her feelings, is half the battle in knowing how to handle the relationship with her. And being a stepmother, is possibly the most difficult situation in family relationships there is. Even more difficult than being a mother in law. So good luck. And keep coming back for advice, you'll get plenty of useful feedback here, some of which no doubt will irritate the f*k out of you, but as long as you can pick the bits which work for you, it'll be worth it!

my ss lives with us and though i realise he is much older, bm has had no input to his schooling and the problems that have ensued. we would have been delighted if bm had taken an interested in ss schooling. but it appears out of sight out of mind. It is a thin line step parents walk between what is classed as interference and care of the welfare of the child. However as i have recently said to bm we are all resposible for ss/ds however we are related to him