Reducing contact by stealth

[NotaDisneyMum]

DPs ex has systematically been organising more and more activities for DSS that coincide with contact time with his Dad - with no consultation with DP, and most recently, not even notifying him.

DP already has a commitment on that afternoon (which he currently fulfils with DSS) so he won't be able to collect DSS afterwards. It is reasonable to assume that DSS mum will be collecting DSS after the club and that DP can pick him up later on?

I think that sounds a fairer solution than stopping his football tbh. And if the club is struggling for numbers maybe he won't lose his place if he's not there every week.

Squirel's DCs sound very competant at arranging things. I'm not sure my DD or DSS - both 9 - would manage to coordinate plans with the right parent. He could just get stressed and caught up in the conflict at the moment.

noo, I don't mean that my DC's coordinate it - I mean that I will say "oh, that's when you are with dad, we will have to give him the invite and see if you are free", and then I give him the invite when he pick's them up, or email it over.
But they are hearing me say that, they are realising that I can't arrange things for their dad, that they have to be aware that he might have other arrangements (as might I when they are with me).

It was more that NADM said maybe something to tell her DSS when he is older, I was making the point that I think he is old enough now.

My 10yo doesn't always comply with the "check with me if we are doing something" but if he doesn't then it is tough if he has arranged something then he then can't do.
Although this works both ways, and I make sure that I tell him that morning if I have arranged something which means he won't be free after school.

Your right purple, DSS couldn't deal with the complexities of that yet

I'm still hoping that that new club doesn't happen - despite what he told his Mum, we have actively set aside time for DP and DSS to spend time doing something together on that evening. Admittedly, its a task that needs to be done for the family business but something they both enjoy and that DSS actively asks to be involved in at other times as well, and assuming his mum collects him each week, this arrangement will cut down the time that DP and DSS spend together one-to-one. I've even told my DD that she has to stay with me, in order to ensure that DSS has some Dad time. I don't know if DSS mum knows about it, I suspect not, but in any event, her signing DSS up to this club means that he will miss out on that time. Heyho - I guess we'll have to roll with it, just like we do everything else she throws at us.