School Report ... Is this allowed by mother?

[AhoySailor]

Well my partner has been having many difficulties with his ex lately, but this latest one, I'm not sure if the mum is allowed to do this. Or if anyone else has ever been in this situation.

My partner went to a parents evening last year and told the teacher and deputy head teacher that he was divorced from his childs mum, but he wished to be informed about his childs schooling, events at school, receiving school reports, etc. (because he hadn't told them the year before and obviously wasn't informed about school events, reports, etc that year)

He was told they are used to this and that many separated parents are given separate schools reports and informed individually about events, etc. So that was that.

Partner was getting emails from the school regarding events, etc for many months, then things just seemed to stop. Not a real worry ... most of the emails weren't of too much interest anyway and didn't involve his son.

Now, my partner has been informed by son, 'mummy doesn't want you to know anything about the school, so she went to see my teacher'.

After a very heated discussion with ex over the phone, she explained to dp that she didn't think their sons schooling was of any significance to him, so she had gone to the school to explain that she had soul responsibility for the child and that the father wasn't to be involved or informed of anything.

That will probably explain the stoppage of emails to dp.

That will also explain why dp didn't receive a copy of his son's school report

My partner was absolutely fuming ... at his ex .... and at the school (for actually going ahead on her word and just cancelling things without making contact with him).

So my question is ... Is this actually allowed to happen?
Can mums just go to their children's school and tell them not to inform the father of school related things?
Has this ever happened to anyone here?
Should my partner go to the school and make a complaint?

Any suggestions or advice would be very grateful

Thanks

I photocopy my dc's reports and give the originals to their dads usually... thats if I don't have the dads over for tea that week

Some parents cannot see the harm they are doing with their parental wars of attrition.

This sort of thing is all too common I'm afraid. Some people really do seem to think they "own" a child, which is disgusting in my opinion.

I would be more angry with the school I think. It's an absolute disgrace in this day and age that they are still unaware of the meaning of parental responsibility and what this means for their own obligations. DH has had all these problems on the past. You've had good advice on here. There is also a lot of information and advice online, letter templates to school etc. Good luck

Well 20weeksandcounting I'm glad that his kids have seen through their mum's 'madness' and have decided to still have contact with their dad ... that is good.

It's sad they have to still sneak about behind their mum's back to see their dad, but I'm glad they still want to have a relationship with their father.

I'm sure even they saw that their dad was much easier to talk to, more relaxing to be around, and knew that whatever their mum was saying about their dad, things just didn't add up ... what she was saying and what he was really like wasn't matching up ... kids aren't that daft

Well done them for coming through all of this

Thank you for the link, I'm still reading through it

MissKeithLemon The only school type report my DP has even seen, provided by the ex, was the final 'report' their son got from leaving nursery school

I agree, I don't think the mum can actually see what harm this is doing to the child ... the woman sounds very similar to 20weeksandcounting's DH's EX.

Very controlling, always has to be right, always has to be in charge (in her head), child not allowed to think, child not allowed to be independant ... yes, we know she is the resident parent and has much more responsibility of care of the child ... (if she would allow my DP more access to his child and stopped trying to control the world, he would have his son for much more than she is letting him), ... but she doesn't need to set the child against his dad and his dad's family (or at least tries to ... ).

Yes allnewtaketwo this mum (DP's EX) really does think she 'owns' the child
It's ridiculous, all of this ... sad and pathetic

Thank you to all for the advice

Sadly a lot of schools are naive to the regulations regarding "parents" receiving information about their children and some are misinformed. I would make an appointment to go and see the head when school starts back up and ask politely if there has been some sort of mishap because he isn't receiving the information anymore. Then take it from there. If they try and say he cannot have any info because Mum has said so, then there is guidance in how to follow it up on the Custody Minefield website, with template letters to send.

My chldren's schools have always been prepared to do 'Second Mailings' as long as the NRP provides evidence of parental responsibility and a suitable stack of SAEs & an email address.

It's completely normal.

Just an update for everyone ... DP had an appointment with the head of the school and his son's teacher.

All they did was 'back-pedal' a bit, apologise to DP and give him a copy of his son's report. The head teacher admitted they had phoned DP's ex-wife (the day before the meeting) to ask if he had parental responsibility, which thankfully she did admit that he did and they told her they were to have a meeting with her ex-husband in regards to their son's schooling (we thought that was uncalled for ... why the head teacher had done that and to tell his ex that he was to attend a meeting, was out of order, IMO).

They did discuss his son's general learning and told DP his son was struggling quite a lot in class and wasn't doing his homework (and if it is done, it's mostly wrong), but told DP it would help if his son was assisted with his reading (something we know he doesn't get any help with from 'mum'), so DP told them we (me and DP) do as much reading/counting, etc with his son as we can, but since DP has limited time with his son, we can only do a basic amount with him (the head teacher understood and said even if we can just continue to cover the basics then that should help).

DP didn't have to prove he had PR for his child (due to that stupid phone call to his ex!!!), and has been added to the email list again, so he will be receiving updates again.

After the meeting, once DP got home, we read the report and it wasn't great, it wasn't even good ... it seems DP's son is very chatty, is always distracting others from their work and doesn't get on with his work.

The report noted the amount of days his son had been absent from school last year and it didn't make for good reading either (we do know of at least one occasion when the mum took him out of school for one week ... I won't go into detail, but there was no good reason for removing him from school for that week) ... but it seems he is being removed more often than we thought.

Anyway, that was the outcome, ... the meeting ran smoothly and DP is back on the email list (plus will be told if his son requires further help)