I do not want to go out with DSC - how do I approach this?

[tiredmumma]

Long story but DSC usually come just before Christmas, for the day we exchange and open presents, go for lunch etc... We have a DS who is a lot yougner and now this is the only time he sees them as most weekends;/hols they dont appear to want to come as they are teenagers and have sleepovers and go out into town shopping etc.. which is find and I totally understand

At Christmas the last 2 years they have forgotton presents, and the other year did not buy me anything - DH asked where my present was and they laughed and thought it was funny. Last year they bought me some smellies that had clearly been used which they wrapped up. They spent 99p on our DS as they left the price on the present. DH pays maintenance and pays them extra each week as pocket money.

They are rude and really dont give a damn probably just typical teenagers. Even DH has said how rude and embarassed he finds them.

I do not want to go out with them this year - I'd rather DH and DS just go.

hear hear Lurking and also not making them part of his new families life imo

You sound very materialistic and completely lacking in empathy for these teens who seem to have lost their dad

Oh come on. It's hardly "materialistic"; I get the impression that what she really is upset about is the lack of a relationship between the DSCs and her SS, not that she was hoping they'd buy her and her son naice gifts or envelopes of cash. As for lack of empathy, I don't think that's it either. She's in a situation that would seem to be not of her own making, and her DH is the one with the responsibility here.

Maybe the OP is part of the problem - its always possible - but frankly, that isn't demonstrated in her post and she deserves the benefit of the doubt before the horrible stepmother calls begin. Maybe her DH is a terrible father to the DSCs, but why should the OP take the blame for that?

I have a lovely DSS whos 15 but not in a million years would I give him money to buy his little brother and father a present, I always buy something from him, which he wraps in his own hap hazzard way.

At 15 hes not really interested which is normal, he wouldnt have a clue what to get his 3 year old brother. I did try once to take him shopping to buy a card, he looked terrified. I decided not to put him through that again!

churlish, I would put up with them for the sake of my DH getting to have some family time with them at Christmas. Cut the length of the visit, maybe, if they obviously don't want to be there. I'd treat them like orphaned foreign-born taxi drivers that don't have anywhere better to go on Xmas day & therefore I'd be friendly & polite, but not expect presents. Actually, I think in OP's situation I would ban all exchange of presents between myself & them. But if DP wants to exchange with them, fine, good thing.

I have always expected my kids to buy presents for one another and their dad. Obviously I've taken them to the shops but they have always chosen, and paid once they were at school and had pocket money. They spend a pound or two, but they choose, they pay and they wrap.

The problem here maybe isn't the lack of presents, it's the once a year thing. I agree they are probably hurt. Buying presents they probably see as "playing happy families" when they aren't, I suspect.