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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

some minor advice please

36 replies

aurorastargazer · 04/05/2011 12:31

he can be sneaky little git sometimes, espcially in the car, he will sneak into front seat while i help dd with her belt (if she gets stuck) so i cna't sit by dp- it is noisy in the back and i don't get to see dp much or talk to him much on our own. i have, so far, just been grinning about it and taking high road so to speak but i would like some advice on dealing with this behaviour before it gets worse (if, indeed, it will - it may not)

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Original poster

aurorastargazer · 06/05/2011 14:14

hahaha i would but he's the only one that can drive!!!!

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ivykaty44 · 06/05/2011 14:16

Puke down his neck I am sick if sit in the back of a car so I would with ease.

Beamur · 06/05/2011 14:22

I think I'd ask your OH to tackle it, rather than you, so when the lad sits in the front, his Dad asks him to go and sit in the back instead. But equally, I'd let him sit in the front sometimes too - how often is he with his Dad?

Original poster

aurorastargazer · 06/05/2011 14:25

about half the week, i don't mind it sometimes it's when it's all time we all go out in the car

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Beamur · 06/05/2011 21:38

The thing I'd be wary of, is it being a kind of one-upmanship behaviour. If its happening every time, and obviously beginning to irritate you, then I would ask your OH to tackle it. IMO he needs to set the tone first and then you can also enforce and remind.

My uncle (bless him) will not allow anyone other than his wife to sit in the passenger seat, anyone else, adults included have to sit in the back seat.

Original poster

aurorastargazer · 06/05/2011 22:22

that's what i don't want
at the moment it's just cheekiness - i did mention it to dp last night on the phone (we don't live together) because now dd is starting to try and push her luck because she sees dp's son do it. thing with dp is that i have to mention something to him and let it drip into his consciousness - though to be fair, he does have very stressful job - but otoh i don't want it to escalate once he's a teenager gawd help us!

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Original poster

aurorastargazer · 06/05/2011 22:28

bless your uncle that's really sweet

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Beamur · 06/05/2011 22:51

Start as you mean to go on...

CarGirl · 06/05/2011 23:10

No way would I sit in the back, I'd be sick in about 10 mins. Just discuss with your dp that it's adults in the front regardless of who the adults are!

speakercorner · 08/05/2011 08:32

Don't try and rise above it - it is one-upmanship and you need to assert yourself quick. My dss did something similar and I agonised like you are doing. Eventually I insisted on getting my own way and felt much calmer tho dss was resentful. He was 6 at the time - he's now 12 and mentioned the issue the other day, saying that we used to have a battle about it. I was fascinated that he used that word - I thought he was behaving unconciously at the time but obviously not. Dh was oblivious to it all and I think it was up to me to lay down some ground rules. Tbh I have always found that dss is happier when I am clear about my boundaries.

Original poster

aurorastargazer · 27/05/2011 22:18

thnak you everyone

he did try it on again the other day but i was the grown up and just said excuse me please and he just went to the back door. it kind of happened again that night at dinner (at his dad's house), the settee was free next to his dad but dp's ds did go and automatically sit on the other chair, so i think you're right baout boundaries speaker

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