Redhen, I?m so sorry you?re feeling like this, although I?m not entirely surprised. To have four of someone else?s children landed on you, without being consulted, for the majority of the Christmas holidays, is AWFUL. But it?s not just Christmas, is it? I remember you posted before the summer holidays started, with a similar dilemma.
I?ve been thinking about this overnight, and wondered what your partner did before you lived together? Did he still have them for protracted visits, and did he look after them himself, or did he just drop them off at his house, and then go back to work?
It seems that expects an awful lot from you, regarding his children, yet as soon as they go back to their mother?s, he wants your son to go his Dad?s so that you get time alone. And whilst it?s great that he wants time alone with you, there?s a huge disparity between how he treats his children, and how he treats your son. Given he?s father himself, I find it really strange that he has jealousy issues towards your son.
Although it?s these bio-blinkers again, isn?t it? My husband often cites ?two?s company three?s a crowd? if my mother is visiting, but of course it?s different if his son is with us. He views it as a totally different ballgame. And I think this is where your partner is coming from. He views his kids as a natural extension of him, to be welcomed into his home, but most likely sees your son as intrusive. And I don?t know how you balance those different viewpoints.
I have to say he sounds incredibly selfish, even if he doesn?t mean to be. I?ve said this before, but the sheer weight of numbers alone makes your situation very difficult. I don?t have any advice to offer, other than to go out with your son, whether your partner likes it or not, if it helps to get you through the holiday period.
Your partner needs to realise he?s very lucky indeed to have found a partner who?s willing to take him on, when he?s got four kids. Was it his idea to have them for the majority of the holidays, or does his ex push the children in his direction?
Just a thought, but is there any chance you and your son could get your own place, but still continue with the relationship, and maybe considering living together again when his children are a bit older? And what impact would it have on your partner, if you told him you were moving out because you just can?t cope with his children? Would it give him a much-needed wake-up call, or would it go straight over his head?
I find it hard enough having one child on alternate weekends, I?d really like to see you find a solution that makes you happy.