My lovely Step-daughter and her evil mother...

[MaryRose]

Looking for a few opinions.....basically my DH's ex is a total nightmare, I've accepted that she is always going to be, we've had 5 years of problems with her being particularly vicious to me last week so that I was at the point of Googling restraining orders! She has even accused me of having an awful temper and being horrible to the kids which my kids just laughed at it's such bollocks. Anyway, we are taking my stepdaughter, who I adore and is an absoloute treasure (though the ex keeps saying I don't give a s* about her) on holiday next week with our other 3 kids. I can't wait but I have a nagging suspicion that the ex will try to be continually texting my stepdaughter (she's 11 and has her own mobile) and calling to check up and it will be disruptive for us all. So I was thinking of making a rule that we all (me and DH included) can only have our mobiles on for a set hour in the evening. I don't want to stop my stepdaughter talking to her mother or anything cruel like that but on a previous weekend away she ruined the whole thing by calling my DH all the time. If we just had the mobiles on an hour a day that would give plenty of time for mum and daughter to catch up every day. Is this a reasonable suggestion do you think?

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are propsing, providing you DSD would be happy with it. (and I am a step parent and parent myself) When my DH has my children, I see no need to ring them daily, or even at all when he has them. I might send the odd text saying something like 'hope you are having fun, love you', but they know they can call m anytime, but are usually too busy to. Their Dad doesn't ring them every day when they are here, why should the situation be different when he has them?

However, that said, I think if the ex really is such a nightmare, then limiting phoen use will just be used against you. Therefore, I think maybe you should think very carefully before doing it, as it might cause more hassle than it's worth for you and you DSD.

When my DSD2 recently went on a week long school trip they weren't allowed to take mobile phones.If there was any kind of problem the parents would be contacted. Somehow everyone managed!

I'm not a great fan of mobile phones being on all the time anyway. And we all coped before we had them.

I really can't see the problem of only having phones on for an hour a day to be honest. If your DSD's mum knows that will be the situation what's the problem?

Thanks for all your replies! I think I may go with HerBeatitude's suggestion, which seems reasonable. It was my DH that used to get all the hassle via phone, but when SD got one last year they started coming via her phone. It isn't just what she says, it is also the irritation of having phones going off all the time when we are meant to be having family time - I have already decided to ban my DD's Nintendo DS for the holiday for the same reasons so I'm squaring up for a battle there! Somehow the battles with your natural kids are easier?!!!! SD doesn't have a great relationship with her mum at the moment anyway so the problem may sort itself.

I AM trying to be a reasonable and understanding person - and I have tried hard to get DH's ex on side but it has proved pretty much impossible. She is bitter that he re-married and we have a son now, even though she lives with her partner she seems unable to let go, and she hates me with a passion (I am younger, have a better job etc - these are her words not mine). We have had 5 years of the most unbelievabel crap and I just want a break from it. I hate that this transfers itself onto SD as we have a great relationship and she slots into our family very easily when her mum lets her come. As she gets older she does seem to be wising up to it a bit so fingers crossed!

Thanks again

I think this is a problem all parents will have to deal with once their kids get to a certain age tbh - bloody mobile phones going off. And they are the texting generation, so I suspect it is an irritation that we are going to have to get used to. Similar to those bloody nintendo thingies. I suspect that what you are experiencing now MR, is a practice run for when she's a bit older and will be glued to her beeping phone as a mother is glued to a new-born breastfeeding baby. Honestly, from what I've seen teenagers pay them as much and possibly more attention than a mother with a new born baby and seeing as how they aren't sleep deprived, they do it with more energy too.

FWIW, my DH's ex has ruined a good number of our weekends and one holiday in particular with constant phonecalls and verbal abuse.

I don't know what the answer is but wanted to offer my sympathies as I know how frustrating it can be. Of course, my solution would be for my DH not to answer the phone but he would never do that as he thought it would irritate her more and make it worse in the long run.
It's stopped now.

Good luck, whatever you do and enjoy your holiday
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