U7s football question

[Mumof317]

Hi, my son who is due to turn 7 very soon plays for a local football team at the weekends.

He's been with this team since November and has played football for around a year (was in a different team prior to this one but changed due to lack of training).

So my son absolutely loves football, he watches football and goes to games etc. he also goes to a football academy once a week to help with skills etc. and he's generally good at the sport but as soon as he's in a match, he crumbles.

As a mum I find it very hard to watch as he just turns into a different child during a game and loses all confidence and won't get stuck in at all. Almost as if hes scared of the ball and you can see he's always mad with himself after. I've tried speaking to him about it to find out what's stopping him in the matches but he doesn't really seem to say much.

I guess I'm hoping someone who's had a similar experience with their child at this age might be able to tell me that it will just click at some point? Or is football just not for him? (Matches anyway).

Also just want to point out that I don't push him at all, as long as he's happy I'm happy but it's just hard to watch 😟

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

No helpful advice I'm afraid as DS almost has the opposite problem - he thinks he is the next Ronaldo. However, you don't say if you have spoken to the team coach? He might have some helpful advice or, if he hasn't realised it is a confidence issue, be able to find ways to encourage him to believe in himself? Maybe a MOTM award after matches where everyone has a turn (a good coach can always find something good a child has done to award it for, and it works wonders for confidence). But there are other ways of course.

I used to coach and manage youth teams.

Every team member contributes something, whether in training or in a match. They're children, it's supposed to be fun. It doesn't matter if they let in every goal or score 17 goals (common in youth football!).

Tbh it's the parents who are competitive. Not the players. Just let your DC enjoy themselves and don't put pressure on them. It's just a hobby after all.

Absolutely, I agree. This isn't a case of me wanting him to be the best, it's more seeing how frustrated he gets with himself after a match as he's a really good player, just confidence plummets during a match on the weekends. I was just wondering if this is something that will come over time or if it's just the contact part of football not being for him.

How does he get on at the football academy? Is his engaged and enjoying it? If so, maybe stop with the matches until he's a little older. IMHO, nearly 7 is quite young to be playing competitive matches.
My son started at 5 at a development centre where the focus was very much on having fun and learning football skills. They would always end the session with a non-competitive match between themselves but that was only part of the session.
He then started in a proper team at U9 which felt about the right time for him, and others he was training with.

@Roundaboot The OP has said it's a local team, not an academy. That's something totally different.

OP, you carry on cheering him on and supporting him. You know him best.

@OldTinHat From the OP:
"So my son absolutely loves football, he watches football and goes to games etc. he also goes to a football academy once a week to help with skills etc. and he's generally good at the sport but as soon as he's in a match, he crumbles."

He is still so young! When I coached a team, I had players who would do handstands, watch the clouds, just chat to each other all whilst the game was going on! They all stopped doing it when they got to about 9. Just let him go at his own pace.

Perhaps he's getting too much football. If he's watching football and going to games he may be putting too much pressure on himself, having higher expectations of himself and overthinking the game instead of just playing with natural enthusiasm.

My u7 is football mad too- plays in 2 werkend teams/training etc!

Although he doesn't have this problem, I do find that he is up and down with how well he plays and to me it's all down to his own confidence. So the better he plays one week or in training, the better he plays the next or if he's played all week at dinner times at school and scored goals etc, the better he has started playing on a weekend. Same the opposite way round, if he's had a bad couple of matches, confidence plummets and then it's a viscous circle. It is highly competitive in these teams though and that does extend to players, not just parents.

Do they have player of the match? What are the coaches like with the team?

Sorry think I may have worded it wrong. He plays for an U7s local team but he also does a separate football academy once a week which he really enjoys. He just loves football so I hope his confidence kicks in so he can play how I know he wants to play during a match at the weekends🤞🏼

Yes I think my son is similar in this sense, if he does well at his football academy and then scores a few goals at the weekend/plays well he's on a high but when he has a match where he didn't play so good it seems to be a knock on effect and take a while to get himself back into it. Maybe I just don't get it as I'm really not a competitive person whatsoever and he takes it very seriously (he wants to be a professional lol) I just want him to enjoy it and not be so hard on himself

Mines like this too- takes it very seriously!

Is he close with his team/coaches? Does he like the team he plays for?

I manage a kids team. I. My experience when this happens it is because the kids haven't been given clear and simple instructions as to what is expected of them in the game. Many coaches who are not experienced with children give too many detailed instructions and they get overwhelmed. Especially if the instructions make sense to them because they watch football and understand it - but are just too young to know what to do with it.

I try to give my team a maximum of two things to focus on. The same two things for everyone. And remind them again at half time. In between that while they are playing it's just encouragement and basic direction (eg Billy it's our corner).

I've seen some terrible practices with coaches barking orders throughout the game and kids in tears. Keep it simple and reward listening and effort and sportsmanship, and the confidence will come and the ability builds on the confidence.

Yes really loves his team, he's not been there long as he moved from a different team in November so actually hasn't been with them very long at all! He's quite shy sometimes so apart from two of the other kids that are on his team that's he's close with, I don't think he's bonded with the others just yet. They have all been playing together since year R so are close and know each other well so maybe this is part of the issue actually 🥲

This is probably true, he's naturally a bit of an over thinker/worrier but saying that, I have asked of he wants to drop the team or the academy and just do one for now to which he point blank refused 😬 he really does love it, there's no pressure for him to do it at all. I think if I told him him he had to drop one he would be really upset.

I’ve got an u7. Confident after a few years of mini football - got stuck straight in at the start of the season - then lost his nerve and had a couple of months where he was miserable with how he was playing. At one point DH said “I am worried he’s actually quite shit” 😆which is of course a thoroughly helpful and proportionate response.

Anyway - he’s found his feet again, is having a great time and is a strong part of a developing team. Nothing changed - it just took him time to get to grips with competition rather than skills.

Development isn’t a straight line. Look at the other players - in our team there are some genuine talents, and a couple who are away with the fairies and it’s 50:50 if they’ll pass to the correct team. They are all growing and learning. I bloody love watching them.

I definitely wouldn't pull him from the team - he might think it's to do with how he's playing which would only feed more in to it.

You could have a word with with the coach, let them know how your DS is feeling and see if they can be a bit more encouraging or giving praise when DS has done well. On top of that, I'd just say continue to be positive about how he's playing, always point out the things he did well and ignore anything that maybe didn't work, or if your DS brings them up counter them with yeah but you did X Y Z that was great!

I have DD who is very like this. Has been playing since age 5 (now 16!).
She plays at a v high level now but ever since she started to realise she wanted to be good shes had moments like you describe. As a 5 year old she just got on with it but once she realised she was quite good the pressure in her own head ramped up. This was prob from about age 9.
Ironically its often when she did well that she felt the pressure because then people started expecting her to play a certain way and that expectation got to her. Even last season she would have games when she mentally tuned out and avoided the ball....
I read a book called 'red brain, blue brain' and it described her to a tee.
She effectively gets so paranoid of making mistakes that she avoided the ball, so she couldn't make any, and checked out of the game. Then shed be furious with herself afterwards. Meanwhile training waa going brilliantly. The better she got and the better the team she played with were the worse it got.
I'd encourage him to take risks and fail. And ensure that no one makes a big deal of it.
When my DD gets 'red brained' she now knows how to help herself. Effectively you pick one action (say passing ) and just do it. You dont think about anything else (dribbling, tackling etc) and just do that one action. You have to STOP, DECIDE ON AN ACTION, DO. The doing helps turn your brain off. This almost parslysis on the pitch is exactly that- hes in his red brain. Worried about mistakes, over thinking etc.
Also think about training, how are mistakes dealt with? Is learning by making mistakes and taking risks encouraged. Thats what is important.

My DS was like this at U7, he really struggled with confidence in matches but was fine in training. He is now U11 and is one of the best players on the team (same team). His confidence came out of nowhere about 18 months ago.
Just remember at U7's its non competitive so just keep being supportive, remind him its nor just the loudest ones, or the ones who score who are the best players, they are a team and all play a part. I think sometimes they put a lot of pressure on themselves during matches as they are very official even though they are not meant to be "competitive"
A good coach will also ensure he focuses on team effort rather than who is the best player ability wise and also on the scores.
My DH manages my sons team and even now when scores can be publicised and its classed as competitive he always tells them as long as they all try their best and enjoy it, he is not bothered if they win or lose.

This is good to hear! It's definitely a confidence thing I think, I try and ask what's stopping him getting really stuck in and he just says he's trying or will say he was cold or didn't feel well (he's not been feeling 100% for a few weeks) but I'm just worried his love for football will go if he can't get his confidence up soon 😞 some of the boys on his team are really quite good for their age and alot of it if im honest is because they are so confident on the pitch so they just get so stuck in. My son almost backs off as if he's intimidated by the better/more confident players. He had a good week not long ago but last week we had the same issue again and he just looked so lost on the pitch. But as I've said above somewhere, this isn't a case of my son being crap at football, hes great at training with all the drills etc and has a brilliant kick on him it's literally just the matches and being someone that knows nothing about football, it's hard to navigate if it's just not for him or if he needs time to get into the swing of it.

If he is enjoying it I would just go with it. You could have a quick chat with the coach to talk through your concerns, but aside from that he will find his way and his place in the team.
Does he play in the same position each week?
Could it be he is just playing in his natural position? My son was insisting he was a striker but it just didn't fit right, DH moved him to right wing and he was like a different player.

Maybe the boy has an anxiety disorder because he cannot get used to crowded environments. Instead, why don't you try letting your boy experience virtual space on suika game. With good training, perhaps he will improve.

My son does not have an anxiety disorder lol

Ah my ds can be a bit like this and he's U10's now.

Something I've found really helps ( I watched a video on TikTok about it) is telling him to do the easy things well (and quickly) at the beginning. Like a simple pass. This really worked for ds cos it gets them into the game without the pressure.

Maybe not your thing at all, but sometimes I 'paid' him a small amount for passes / tackles .. stuff you know they can do, then I think they can get out of their heads a bit more and think of the 'prize'. Certainly wasn't every time but I was always hearing kids being rewarded for goals so why not the other stuff?

Anyway, hope he finds his confidence , I'm sure he will, he's only wee. Good luck !