pissed off and need a moan.

[ThatVikRinA22]

DS, 18, aspie, is going to flunk out of college. im very pissed off.

they were going to have him back for a 3rd year to do his A levels. he has to pass his AS to do this though and its looking unlikely.

im so angry right now with both the college and him.
its transpired they offered him support in the early days and he turned it down. he didnt want to stand out. By the time they realised what i was saying was true - that he needed support, its all gone too tits up.

the one lesson he was getting support in he was doing really well in - and he has just buggered that up by missing the coursework deadline. and he "doesnt know why".

the rest is looking terrible for him. he wanted to go to uni.
what do they do after this happens? he wont hold down a job - its like dealing with a 14 year old. he is completely incapable of being in the slightest way independent. ive tried to gradually increase the level of responsibility he has - it just doesnt work. on Weds i had to go to work very early - i rang him to check he was up for the bus to college, i also got DH to shout him as he picked up DD for school at 8am. at 11.07am i get a frantic text at work to say he slept in and missed the bus. i couldnt have done more that morning to help him, but it was all my fault of course. he actually expected me to drop work and come home to run him the hour and a half round trip to college.

he has a part time job from home computer programming. it pays peanuts but this is what he wanted to do for a living - but he will be competing with graduates for the jobs.

im so so tired or trying to drill home the importance of commitment to college. They recently started to email home his attendence record - he doesnt show up to half the lessons and always has some frantic excuse for it. he isnt going to pass the maths - so last week he missed maths to try and catch up on the doomed computer course work. he is so disorganised it was just never going to work without support.

they said if he went back next year they would put support in - i think even he himself had realised he needed it by then - but its all too late.

no where else would take him, (we tried) he cant get to the other big towns without transport and we arent going to be able to take him due to work commitments, so im at a loss.

and is he bothered? is he buggery. he couldnt give a toss.

im just venting. need a rant and if i start ranting at him i wont stop.

hugsx

Argh. I'm on the autism spectrum and have a 17 yr old so can relate to a lot of this. His organisation skills are beyond appalling thanks to ASC and dyslexia combined.
It might be worth him thinking about access courses and foundation courses into careers, which can often be studied very part time with a fair amount of help, as a way round the lack of AS or A levels?
It sounds like he's totally not coping with the sensory and social 'overload' of wherever he is at the moment.
You say he can't get to the other towns without transport...how far from public transport are you? Sometimes the local autism charities know of transport alternatives etc so worth asking them too?

Large cuppa for you then.

amber he also has dyslexia. college ed psyche diagnosed it.

he is just devastated because he knows he should have done the BTEC instead of A levels, he was talked out of it by the tutors twice.

if he can scrape through these exams he could do a foundation degree with the last year at uni, he is quite keen on that idea.

but, its the mechanics paper in maths that he is panicking about - he cannot understand the way the questions are worded- he knows how to answer the questions once someone tells him what the question is. which of course doesnt happen in exam settings. this is just soooo aspie - he cant read between the lines - he needs it all spelt out loud and clear.

i actually feel so sorry for him and i cant do any more to help him.

he hates college. he broke down yesterday, i really feel for him, but ive contacted other colleges etc and they wont take him so far into his A levels.

im trying to tell him its not the end of the world and that he will be able to go into adult education if all else fails. ive no idea how though...

im torn between feeling quite exasperated with him to just wanting to give him a cuddle, he is still such a little boy. he cant cope with all this.

Do we have the same ds??!
Likewise mine totally struggles with the way a question is phrased. And of course examiners won't yet allow anyone to rephrase exam questions to make them autism/dyslexia friendly. Grr.

You're right that we mature much more slowly. I wasn't able to access Uni at all, but it didn't stop me from having a good job in the end. I was also accepted into a Uni level course later on as an adult through references and being able to prove myself in a piece of work I did for them, so there's always that sort of possibility. Well worth having a word with the National Autistic Society, who do good advice and assistance for young people contemplating education choices and careers. They provide assisted places in some firms, for example? Just thoughts. Apols if you've already had them.

im hoping that he will be able to get a job in his field by proving himself to be a very able computer programmer - he does at least have a part time programming job in his favour.

ive not been in touch with the NAS for a good while tbh - maybe time to give them a call again for some advice.

thanks amber - i just need to vent sometimes (and not in his direction! he has enough to cope with without me losing the plot!)

Hi VicarinaTutu

If DS is diagnosed with ASD then I would guess that he is eligible for Disability Living Allowance. (I may be teaching my Granny to suck eggs here, and apologise if so). What you describe reminds me of our own DD who has similar problems.

The DLA can be re-assessed to include a mobility componant which may cover emergency taxi fares for example. Or a really loud and annoying alarm clock that is on the other side of his room (evil grin). If you havent looked at DLA, then it might be an interesting experience going through the (awful) form, as it can help highlight exactly where DS needs the most support.

Our own DD (16 going on 12/14/8 depending on the direction of the wind as far as we can tell) also has an independent visitor who is helping her to plan her travel and money. Her emotional needs meant that she gets too angry at Mum or Dad telling her what to do, so we arranged for a bit of external input.

Does your DS understand that he does better with a bit of help (for instance a Reader for any exams?).

Good Luck

The NAS has a service called Prospects which may help - they provide support on dealing with things at college or university, and also courses to help those starting work.

Prospects Student Support

Prospects for employees - courses and workshops to teach employment skills

Transitions Pre-employment training (have to have recently graduated from college/uni)

Do remember that this stage isn't the only time your son can study for academic skills. He can always return to education later, perhaps with a bit more support. And there are all sorts of more flexible ways of learning, like part-time or distance learning, which may suit him better.