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SN teens and young adults

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

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Original poster

so DD has found condoms in DS bag...oh blimey

9 replies

pickyvic · 04/09/2009 21:51

DS is 17 and has aspergers. since starting college he made lots of friends and is always dashing off to see some one or other, usually girls.

DD today found condoms in his bag. (he had lent her a rucksack for a sleepover) she is disgusted (she is 12 and quite sensitive). now on the one hand im thinking "oh wonderful, how very sensible of him" and on the other im thinking "AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH"

its a pack of 12. and one is missing. he is quite immature and tends to knock about with younger girls. ive told him in no uncertain terms that sex with any underage girl is legally wrong and classed as statutory rape, he assures me that he hasnt embarked on a sexual relationship but wanted to be prepared, he says he missing condom was used to practice putting one on.

how would you handle this? he denied having them at first, i think he thought he was going to be in trouble (he can never ever tell how im going to react - an aspie thing i think)
ive assured him he isnt in bother and that i think its sensible to be thinking about STI's and unwanted pregnancy etc. but secretly im shocked...i know he is 17 but he just seems so much younger i thought i had a bit more time before all this...

OP posts:

Original poster

pickyvic · 04/09/2009 23:39

bumping..help. please. am interested to know how other mums with kids with AS would handle this one.

OP posts:

LauraIngallsWilder · 04/09/2009 23:43

Hi picky

I shall watch this thread with interest, in 10 years time my ds with AS will be 17 too.....

LauraIngallsWilder · 04/09/2009 23:45

one of these might be helpfu

I think one is a fairly recent publication, I just typed Aspergers and sex into amazon and thats the list that came up

Might be worth a look

Original poster

pickyvic · 04/09/2009 23:53

omg! why didnt i think there would be any books written with aspies in mind? doh...thankyou!

OP posts:

LauraIngallsWilder · 04/09/2009 23:59

Wise mnetters opinions and experiences would be very interesting and useful too I think

I am now a member of NAS, interesting magazine includes book reviews of recently published books - I recall recently seeing a mention of a new one about autism and sex so thought it might be helpful!

maryz · 05/09/2009 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

pickyvic · 05/09/2009 00:19

i know. he does have girlfriends, but is quite private and doesnt open up to me like he used to do, much like any teen i guess.

what bothers me slightly is that the girls he tends to hang about with are 15 - and like it or not they are not legal, plus i suppose i have the fantasy that before engaging in a sexual relationship id like him to be in a stable (ish!??) relationship. (yes i know...)

i know i should be counting my luckies on a couple of fronts here - but its different when its real....

and he has a memory like a seive - when i told him where he had left them he said " oh i wondered what id done with them!"....it would be funny if his memory wasnt sooooo bad.

im really genuinely pleased that he is taking a responsible attitude to sex

but i feel a bit weird about it...i still have to arrange his dentist appts and remind him to eat....it just feels odd. somebody slap me...

OP posts:

Plumbuddle · 23/10/2009 01:15

I had to read this as my 11-y-old Aspie was shown a condom in his new high school by a bunch of much older kids who had taken him under their wing. They had not realised that his SEN might be more than looking sweet and vague and wandering around alone in the playground... having seen the item he switched into his special interest in waterbombs and ran around with it whooping... eventually fetched up in the older kids' classroom shouting at the teacher about underage sex! So I'm glad to hear it can come good . I'm not quite at this age level yet but what I'd want to do in due course, in your shoes, would be to try to invite the pals home in order to monitor them myself... or am I being naive? Seems to me any girl who would have a relationship with my little lad will have vulnerabilities of her own, don't agree with the other poster's assumption that they can just look after themselves when they too might have SEN even of their own... Agree it is fantastic he is so responsible but agree also that their unreliability with procedures makes this an area of worry... tell us more when you get to the next episode...

tatt · 17/11/2009 10:21

as the relative of a teenager in a relationship with an aspergers boy can I suggest that he needs to be treated like a normal teenager. So he needs to have talks about responsibility and under-age sex being illegal but with recognition that he will make his own mistakes, as teenagers do, and that you will be there to help with them if he needs you.

He perhaps needs some extra help in recognising that relationships do need work and an inability to recognise social cues means more rows are likely. I agree the girls may be more vulnerable but they may be better off with a boy who is trying to be sensible than some of their other choices.

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