Bit of a watershed for me this weekend - Aspergers tendencies??

[springlamb]

I know you will all be thinking 'hold on, her ds has cp doesn't he...what's the silly cow on about'
But a few incidents over the past week have really made us (tearfully) discuss whether ds may be (slightly) on the spectrum somewhere.
And f*, I know nothing about the spectrum. But in the cold light of day, I know that these issues are actually disabling him more than the cp. We've been ignoring/compensating/accepting for years now and it's staring us in the face. We have to deal with this.
So can anyone recommend any resources that might help me to know what behaviour a teen with slight Aspergers (I think that would be the right term) might show. Or anything about Aspergers teens.
In the words of Van the Man 'I have my eyes closed in the dark..'

Try googling AQ test and get him to take the test? Its not foolproof, but it'll give you some idea of whether its worth pursuing

Thank you. Searching for it now.

Find a book by Tony Attwood called 'Asperger's Syndrome.
It's clear, accurate and incredibly helpful. It will give you a good idea of what you're looking for and what strategies might possibly help. If you've been accommodating his needs (meant in the best way possible) that may have masked some of the indicators of AS.

Oh, and there's us of course. Parents of Aspie teens. Mine is 14. Welcome to the group.

You could also take a look at the Wrong Planet website, I found it incredibly useful.

Or have a look here
www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum

Thank you all. I will take up all suggestions. I want to spend the holidays considering this and learning about this. DS is not scheduled for any appointments until September and that is probably just as well - I don't want to shoot my mouth off too soon, and please ladies don't feel that I am 'dissing' any aspect of ASD by suddenly thinking my ds may be affected by it before I have any professional input.
Yes, I think we have been masking this. Telling ourselves that certain aspects of his behaviour were caused by his feelings about his cp (ie being different, feeling vulnerable perhaps, being more socially isolated than other teens despite our best efforts), asking ourselves where we have gone wrong.
My heart was breaking Fri morning when I observed ds in class with his fellow students, the same students he has been with since he was 3. Such a difference. They may be more physically disabled than him but clearly so advanced socially.
And later that day when I realised that the last day of term/leavers day etc really meant nothing to him, to the point that he could not tell me who put the gifts in his bag for him, and it had not occurred to him that he should produce the gifts from his bag.
Blimey I am whinging and whining and I don't do whinging and whining.
I have the next two years to address these problems

Take a good read of Lianne Holliday Willey's book "Pretending To Be Normal".

It's not as clinical as Tony Attwood's books, and is written as a biography. She's not a neurotypical AS "expert" - she's someone with Asperger's that detailed her experiences. I found this invaluable for gaining an insight along with clinical reading. As much as you can, try to network with people that have been through what your CHILD has been through. They have often gleaming insights into the whys and hows that neurotypical people don't have first hand.

Of course, then you can consider the positive aspects of this. Aspies can be extremely intelligent, successful people. It's not a death sentence. It's not going to be easy to work through, but there's always another side of the coin. Don't let it drag you down! They call it special needs for a reason. Special, not wrong.

Springlamb, really good advice from people here. As someone who's on the autism spectrum myself, I know that we can and do learn and become more able as we grow up. When I was at school, I struggled with every aspect of social stuff, but really I just wanted three things: To know what I was supposed to do and when. To not be attacked and mocked by other people. To have one friend with whom I could share my specialised interests.

I think parents (rightly) hope and dream of having a child that has lots of friends and achieves a huge emotional benefit from that, but really we don't. I have lots of friends now, yes, because I learned the rules for it - but it truly never really bothered me not to have lots when I was at school. Just one, and for others to accept me for who I was and help me a little - that would have been perfect. Even though I have a very difficult combination of disabilities, it hasn't stopped me finding ways round the obstacles somehow. I have a lovely dh who doesn't mind my physical and mental limitations and a lovely ds who feels likewise.

I guess I'm saying that you may find your ds has different hopes to the ones you expect, so do keep listening and learning and being the wonderful parent you already are. Together you'll get through whatever is ahead.

Tony Attwood's book is superb; try also Luke Jackson and Brenda Smith Myles- Jessica Kingsley are the best publishers for anything on Asperger's. Amazon are excellent!

The National Autistic Society is very helpful as well and has local support groups.
Welcome to the stressful world of being an Aspie parent. Life is never dull and always challenging.

Best tip - get your school on your side - communication is the best way to ensure that your son is acheiving his best. Mine was diagnosed 2 years ago

Good heavens, this is my first MN trip in months - decided to take a short break and RL took over with a vengeance.
Thanks later posters, I will chase up some reading.
We are good after a pretty rough 18 months. He has a diagnosis of 'borderline Aspergers' and 'separation anxiety of childhood'. We are working on it all. He's happy at school, college is slowly sorting itself out, he has a new hobby which is much more social than his others. He wants a date - desperately. I've slowly come to terms with an adjusted future (again!), thanks for your support.