hi all
apologies - this is really long!
can anyone give me any advice on this one - its a bit of a long story.
DS is 17. very aspergers but very able and wanting the whole independent teen thing. he was dx at 7 by liz newson at nottingham. fine.
he simply doesnt have the maturity to cope with what most other teens are doing now.
when he went to college last year, for the first time in his entire life he made friends, like in general. (he does have one life long friend who also has SN but he had always been bullied through school, so it was lovely for him to find his social feet, as it were.)
he has coasted through college this year, not managed it well at all really, but he is repeating some subjects next year and will be there for 3 years instead of 2. he has been assessed via college and they dx him with dyslexia, aswell as confirming his dx of aspergers, dyspraxia etc. he gets some support in college but not much in the great scheme of things. he has a laptop to use, a PDA to help him organise himself, that kind of thing.
last year he really shocked me. he became quite difficult to live with. when he wanted something he took it. he didnt seem to understand consequences or peoples hurt feelings when he hurt them. i know this is all very aspie. He wanted to talk to his friends more so he modified a sim card, then wrote a computer programme to top it up whenever it got to less than 50p.(he is a whizz with computers) he then hid my bank statements. he did this for months until i found out by accident. he had totally drained my bank account. when caught he showed no real remorse and his "sorry" was just a word. i tried to explain about trust etc. i thought he understood, and i decided to avoid a repeat performance i would get him a contract phone, give him the money each week (more than enough to cover the phone bill) and try to help him learn to budget with just this one bill to be responsible for. thing is he gets narky when people offer to help him. he seems quite arrogant sometimes, and wont allow anyone to help, he always says he knows even when he doesnt but i wanted him to learn to manage with money and understand its value.
He hasnt managed this either despite help. he has run up increasingly large phone bills. whenever something doesnt go his way he runs away. he has done it several times now.last time he went to the YMCA for 2 days. he did it again today. i cut his phone off because he wouldnt listen to me or accept that what he had done was wrong. he wouldnt discuss it. he wouldnt give me the phone so i gave him a choice - give me the phone until i decide on what to do next or have it cut off. he wouldnt give it to me so i rang and got it blocked. he stands and just lies to me, and its so bare faced, its sort of pathalogical and he believes his own lies. he said he would give me the phone, then refused a second later and said he didnt say it! and he ran away. again.
whats worse is that his friend with aspergers really needed him to go round this afternoon as he is suffering with extreme anxiety waiting for his A level results (he has been in hospital with it this week) and it was all arranged. he didnt let him know he wasnt going. he just took his precious laptop and did a bunk while i was in the shower. he acts like a 7 year old running away but now he is 17 i cant stop him. ive no idea where he is. his friend is upset with him and his friends mum has said she feels disappointed and that he has let his friend down. and he has. he has let me down again too.
he is on a waiting list to see a clinical psychologist but the waiting list is long. we seem to jog along just fine until something blows up and away he goes. back to square one. he is so completely clueless about hurting people, understanding consequences, managing money etc that i fear for him. the problem is he is so able people expect so much more from him and i know i am guilty of this too, but he cant keep hurting people, stealing from them, lying to them and expect to get away with it. im at a loss because i cannot make him understand even basic things.
has anyone got older aspies? independent aspies? i really worry that we are going to be Mrs Merton and Malcolm....