Tips to help teen navigate college/life with poor executive skills

[Sleepeazie]

Sorry it’s a little long….

My son (almost 17) was diagnosed AuDHD in June, just after sitting GCSEs. The delay was due to an inept SEN leader at school, alongside national assessment delays.

As a result he missed out on all official help at school and with his GCSEs. we did however, have informal allowances built into his day.

School was something to endure and not something that was on the whole positive.

we’ve just enrolled DS for a college course in the trades. During this process I’ve spoken to their SEN team and shared his diagnoses, reports and overview of struggles.

Specifically, he has RSD and ODD as features of his AuDHD. He has low self esteem and although he is very funny, but struggles to initiate friendships. He is a good friend if somebody initiates with him.

Anyway, his first day of college today. I received a phone call at lunch time to ask where my DS was as he hadn’t returned at the time stated.

I panicked that he’d got overwhelmed and left.

When I phoned him though, he genuinely thought that break time had a different end time.

His adult brother, who’s home today, independently verified to me that he’d spoken to his brother earlier who had marvelled at being given a 3 hour break! Thus verifying he genuinely misunderstood the lecturers’ instructions.

Possibly he has been given a list of instructions, e.g break time now- then back for practical and we’ll have lunch at 2pm (the time he thought break was over). I’m not certain as I haven’t seen him yet.

I convinced him to go back inside and apologise, I also spoke to the lecturer and gave a brief explanation.

I’m just so sad for him that he’s drawn attention to himself (his worst nightmare) on his first day. I’m also very proud he went back 💪. That won’t have been easy for him.

I don’t know how I can help him navigate college life more easily.

Has anybody got any tips or useful apps that they would recommend? (he won’t use a physical planner).

I really want him to improve his executive function. Adjustments won’t help him get an apprenticeship or job in his trade. I just don’t know how to help him.

Support in school is based on needs rather than diagnosis, so a diagnosis wasn’t necessary for DS to receive formal support in school.

Not sure it would particularly help with the situation today, but Brain in Hand can help with executive functioning more generally.

Can you ask the lecturer to check DS has understood instructions around timings? Then tell DS he must set an alarm for slightly before the end time before he leaves the lesson/session (and if you don’t think DS would/could do that, ask if the lecturer would prompt him to).

Has DS had any coaching/mentoring?

For social interaction, would DS join clubs at college? Has the SEN team offered any help with building friendships?

Reasonable adjustments can be part of working life.

@flawlessflipper thanks for your reply.

I will have a look at the app you suggested. That’s really my concern is how to support DS with his executive function in general.

Iknow reasonable adjustments to happen at work, but don’t feel taking a 3 hour lunch by mistake would fly - even then.

luckily, since I posted, I’ve had the opportunity to book an early parents’ evening for a couple of days time, to discuss course and expectations etc. so I’ll be discussing the use of prompts/checking understanding with him and what SEN interaction looks like, in practice.

Hd hasn’t had coaching or mentoring. Is this something I can request from our GP or access privately?

He really fell through the cracks. He started secondary with Covid restrictions. Later, lost a month to household Covid. Caught strep A. Was in the year group who lost face to face teaching again due to a building issue at his school. Then his symptoms also created lateness/sickness.

When I flagged potential ADHD school didn’t initially agree (they hadn’t really had time with him). When they did agree, his referral was refused as we hadn’t covered examples of all of the criteria in the application - I had no idea what this was, or that the form was to be filled in as a direct map of criteria.

School didn’t tell me it had been refused, so - 1 year later (thinking we were on the waiting list) a private psychologist told me we’d have had ‘holding’ letters, so I should chase the SEN and check what was happening. Only then did she tell me he’d been refused an assessment as the form wasn’t convincing enough. This obviously means we have missed out on support and adopted our own strategies.

I will chat to him about any groups. He did say he had spoken to a couple of people tiday. It is more, if someone offers a generic ‘who’s Coming to lunch?’ He won’t go, without being asked directly. It’s self preservation to stop him being rejected - but in turn creates those feelings he’s trying to avoid. I also understand why kids will stop asking aswell if he doesn’t go.

Thanks for your advice. As you can see I’m (and he’s) still trying to navigate it all.

We have been bounced back to CAMHS so hopefully, support and medication options will be forthcoming soon.

I’m also hopeful parents evening will be useful.

I hope the college is helpful. You could make a list of things to directly ask for.

Some areas offer ADHD coaching on the NHS. Not all though and it is often limited. You could look privately. The college may be able to offer some mentoring.

Thanks for taking the time to reply again @flawlessflipper i’ll follow all of your points up and hopefully they’ll help 😃