ASD son coping at Uni

[twiceasnice47]

My son is 17 and will be applying for uni in 2026. I do worry about how he will cope. He is very social and a total extrovert so socially I know he will be fine - until someone annoys him or does the wrong thing then he has no filter or inhibitions. In some respects he is very mature and able and talking to him you would think he is much older but in some respects he is much younger - he can't cope if things go wrong and he is a perfectionist . I cannot visualise him living in halls away from home. He calls me or texts me multiple times a day when he can't navigate things if they don't go to plan.

He also doesn't drink at all and has never touched a drop (as to him is illegal until he us 18) but he still says he won't drink even when is 18 - i feel this makes him vulnerable as well.

He isn't going to have me close by if he gets overwhelmed. I can usually calm him and get him to see reason but he's going to have to deal with it on his own.

So to other mumsnetters eith ASD kids at uni? Do they just get on with it and learn to cope.

Mine have coped better than I would have expected. ds1 had one clash with a fellow student in his halls which was sorted out by the halls team. And there should also be help from the university support team if needed - best to open up communication with the team on starting.

Both struggled a bit with accomodation for the second year - there is a ridiculous early push to find shared houses which is not so good if you haven't formed a close group of friends. Actually both found a group of people but couldn't cope with their indecision in choosing a house so ended up staying in private halls. Perhaps think about an ensuite room as that avoids one potential clash over bathroom cleanliness.

Group work has probably been the most challenging thing for ds2 to get round and to learn to accept that others will not necessarily follow his timetable or ideas. It has been a good learning experience for him though. ds2 was late registering with student support (as he hates admitting he has difficulties) but for instance he would have had more choice over who he worked with if he had done so earlier.

ds2 tends to call me a lot which I don't mind & works quite well to give him support when he needs it. I also recommend choosing a university relatively close to home so they can come home if need be. ds1 was only the other side of the city we live in. ds2 is one hour away so a bit further but still close enough so we can visit pretty often (we have a convenient excuse of wanting to go to one of the auction houses in his city). He has only just got to grips with using public transport so needed to be close enough so we could pick him up if he wanted to come home.

I do have to admit that I find letting them go incredibly stressful but both have definitely benefited & gained maturity from it.

DD2 coped better than I thought she would.

Not drinking won’t be problem.

Some DC with additional needs still text/call parents several times a day, at least initially. Helping him to learn strategies for self regulation will help. There will be support available at university such as mentoring too.

If DS finds sharing a bathroom or kitchen too difficult, there is the option of an en-suite or studio. Some universities allow second (and subsequent) year students with disabilities to stay in university halls.

DS2 (Dyslexic with ASD traits) found the first term hard and called and texted me a lot. Much like other posters - he found other people's noise/ late nights/ different levels of cleanliness etc difficult.
He didn't gel with his flatmates much, but did find friends on his course (a creative subject with lots of his 'type').
We had to help in various ways - financially, paying for extra trips home when he needed to decompress for a weekend; helping him navigate asking for help/ registering with various services; just being on the end of the phone to listen to him ranting about things he disliked.

He did have early wobbles (wanted to come home after the first week!) and we just kept persuading him to try it for another week, another month, the first term etc. I think at most unis they have some flexibility to leave within the first term if things don't work out - check the T&Cs carefully to find out in advance.

Happy to say DS2 stuck it out, made an amazingly supportive group of lifelong friends, graduated with a first and has just finished a post-grad course!