ADHD 12 year old stealing money

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Hi

I’d really appreciate some views on this please. Apologise in advance as I don’t think it’ll be short (but I will use paragraphs 😁).

DS3 is 12. Diagnosed with combined-type ADHD at 9 and currently on a hefty dose of methylphenidate. He’s under CAMHS and has an EHCP and DLA. He’s in Yr7 of a small mainstream state secondary with an excellent SEND department, great pastoral support, a share in a high level LSA, access to weekly sensory circuits and social communication classes plus really supportive teachers. It’s a great school. His DLA helps to pay for extra support and tutoring. Academically he’s relatively ok, emotionally and socially he’s probably more of a Yr5 level.

He lives with me (Mum), his Dad and 2 older siblings. Boringly settled in suburbia. No major issues. He’s probably a bit babied (according to my 19 year old) but it was a hard road to getting him assessed: lots of disbelief from his not-so SEND aware primary school. I’m sure plenty of you have similar experiences.

Anyway: he’s started stealing money from us and his brothers. Not just a couple of £s either. He LSA called me yesterday to say he had £40 with him. DH checked and it had been taken from his wallet. I had a very long, very firm conversation with him. He seemed very contrite. Cried, and wrote an apology letter. I thought that was it. Then this morning he took another £20. In addition to this, his middle brother admitted that he’d taken some money he’d saved from his Saturday job.

DS has a SHOCKINGLY sweet tooth despite being super skinny. I was initially worried that he was being extorted at school but this doesn’t appear to be the case. He just wants to spend it all on chocolate.

Obviously this is NOT acceptable and we’re really keen to sort this out asap. He has a lot of underlying anxiety which he masks. There is the possibility that he may have some underlying ASD too. Home is is safe space where he decompresses. However, ADHD is absolutely not his get out of jail card. I’m concerned that he repeated the same behaviour the very next day despite our long discussion and knowing very clearly that this was the wrong thing to do. He does have a lot of issues regarding impulse control so what worries me is this will escalate to shop lifting or something.

Any wise words / suggestions?

Many thanks for reading all this!

Stealing is one thing we haven’t had to deal with (yet) so I can’t help there.

I would ask @MNHQto move this over to the SN Teens section though so that you only get poster la replying who have experience of ADHD

Thank you @BunnyRuddington. I’ll do that.

We had a situation with ASC DS around a similar age. He wasn’t taking cash, but had hacked a pocket money app and was helping himself to £10 a couple of times a week. He was using it to pay for gaming upgrades. I cancelled the app, took away his bank card. We had the big talk. But we also made him do extra chores to pay it all back, and he had his PC removed for a short period of time. This was the biggest loss for him. He cried every night without it. He’s never done it since and he learned that it was something our family does not tolerate. He has a strong sense of right and wrong now, but at the time had somehow convinced himself that the transfers were harmless as I hadn’t noticed. He’s 5 years older now and asks everytime he wants to buy something on one of my cards.
I think there needs to be a proportional consequence to his actions (eg removal of privileges, additional chores), something that will stick with him. Writing a letter doesn’t seem to have had any lasting impact. And you need to remove the temptation as well, so hide all cash in the house and address the sugar cravings if that’s what’s driving it.

@DGonMJ - thank you. Yes, I totally agree. My DS absolutely needs a totally proportional consequence. He’ll definitely be losing pocket money, that’s for certain.

This is all quite new as he’s never really been “naughty” up until recently. His ADHD is the classic distractibility / focus type. He’s never had behavioural issues. He has quite a lot of comorbid anxiety hence the lighter approach to the first bit of thieving. I really thought that it would be a one off issue and would have been sorted (I have 2 older DC too so it’s not me being naïve - it’s just out of character for him). He’s also starting to hit puberty so maybe that has something to do with it.

The sweet tooth is definitely also a concern: he’s completely mad about anything sugary.

When did DS last have a medication review? Some find the craving of sugary food is a symptom of the ADHD. Some find the sugar is a form of self medication. Some find similar with caffeine/energy drinks. And with the right medication/dose it can help to keep it at bay.

Is DS receiving any support with anxiety?

You shouldn’t have to but in the meantime I would avoid having cash lying around the house. Have your purse/DH’s wallet in site all the time. If sibling need/want a small amount of change, I would use a lockbox.

Hi @perpetualplatespinning, I know that CAMHS often gets a bad press but he actual has a great specialist nurse and recently had a med review. He’s pretty much on the max dose of methylphenidate MR with an as needed 5mg IR top up for scouts etc.

I have broached the subject of anxiety support with CAMHS but he’s not considered “severe” enough for their support but although the school referred him to the MHST they think he’s “too complicated” for them 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s getting 1:1 private social communication support from a very experienced tutor with a SEND background which he really enjoys.

That’s a vg point about the sugary food being dopamine seeking behaviour: I’d actually not considered that. Thank you! (Goes off to google)

Has other medication been considered?

If DS has an EHCP, what CAMHS typically offer is irrelevant. If DS needs support for his anxiety it should be in F of the EHCP. Although many have to appeal to get it detailed, specified and quantified in there. When was the last annual review? You can request an early review if you want.

I did query medication for his anxiety but CAMHS was really reluctant due to his age. I’m not sure how I feel about this tbh. I’m a HCP (but not psych or paeds) so I’m not “scared” of meds if that makes sense but as I said this area is not my skill set. What anxiolytics are generally used as first line in this age group?

He definitely masks and I am starting to wonder if there’s some underlying ASD as well that’s now become more obvious as his ADHD is better controlled.

I don’t think he’s taking money for the money’s sake - I think he’s taking it to fund his sugar hits. We have a healthy, low UPF (ADHD friendly) diet at home but I’m not a militant anti sugar parent either: he does get treats so it’s not a back firing reaction to not being allowed sweets etc.

The last EHCP review was in October, shortly after he started Yr7. The SENCo is really really good and very dynamic but obviously up against it these days.

My view at the moment is to keep talking to him and keep him talking to me, give him some consequences for this (screen time and pocket money), email his specialist nurse and ask for an appt, review his EHCP in terms of what you’ve said, and get to the end of term where he has a proper break from the rigours of school.

Does that make sense to you? Or not proactive enough? As I said, this is the first time we’ve had any problematic behavioural issues and he is anxious / emotionally young so I don’t want to be all guns blazing either

That makes sense. Sounds like a good plan. It is proactive, just not in the same way some would respond to an NT teen, but treating DS as though he is NT obviously isn’t going to work. You aren’t planning to sit back and do nothing.

IPSEA has a model letter you can use to request an early review of the EHCP.

Sorry, I meant have other ADHD meds been considered. If DS is on the max dose of methylphenidate, it is worth considering if a switch would help.

Although sometimes SSRIs are used to help with anxiety. Fluoxetine is typically first line. Sometimes sertraline, especially if OCD is at play. Propranolol is sometimes used for the physical symptoms of anxiety. But really, I would be wanting to try therapeutic support and/or consider other ADHD meds before going down this route.

Thank you, @perpetualplatespinning, I really appreciate this. Do you mind me asking what ADHD meds you’d suggest? Something like guanfacine? Would this be on top of the methylphenidate?

He’s on 54mg methylphenidate - happily not brand sensitive which was super useful during the supply issues. This does seem to be his sweet spot. He had a brief trial on Elvanse when we really did run into bother with stocks but I may as well have just given him a grape for all the use it did.

He’s tall, skinny and super active. Physically healthy.

No OCD, no panic attacks. Only overt sign is biting his nails. You’d have to know him / be the kind of person who recognises anxiety to see the it: particularly outside of the house. I think he has it gently bubbling away under the surface if that makes sense.

I will look into therapeutic support - thank God for his DLA!

Has DS ever had an OT assessment? Including a sensory OT assessment? For some, anxiety is linked to unmet sensory needs. Being super active, biting nails and chasing the dopamine hit can all be signs. Of course, they can be related to other things too, but I think it would be worth considering.

Elvanse is often the second line ADHD medication tried. If DS has already tried that, you could consider Dexamfetamine as a stimulant option, but some people who find Elvanse doesn't work also find the same with Dexamfetamine. Guanfacine or Atomoxetine would be two of the non-stimulants options that might be worth asking CAMHS about. Non-stimulants are sometimes taken alone and sometimes in combination with a stimulant.

You can pursue therapeutic support via the EHCP too if that’s the route you decide to go down.

My daughter has ADHD and a whole host of other diagnoses, and I am very familiar with stealing and eating sugar like there is no tomorrow. Our solution so far has been to remove temptation. None of us have any money in our wallets. That is easiest and has been successful.