How best to support DD

[DancingQueen2018]

She's 14 and recently had her diagnosis of autism - we've known for ages but never saw the point in a diagnosis until it became clear it was upsetting her.

She finds school exhausting, is totally confused by friendship - she does a fair amount of structured after school activities but never just 'hangs out' with her friends.

She hates herself and how she is, self harms sometimes and has suicidal thoughts. School are great and have her on a course about accepting a diagnosis and seeing a counsellor. We've just finished up with Cahms who've been working with her.

But she struggles to engage and open up about how she feels and I just wondered if anyone had any advice or resources to help?

Not much advice but an appreciation of how hard it can be. We were where you are a couple of years ago. Luckily (?) we didn’t hit total crisis point until DD was almost finished with school. We cut down the “negotiable” things in school, assemblies, PE, changed her groups for a couple of lessons, and that helped us to limp on a bit. She also had a pass (which she hated using) to get her out of lessons, it worked better if she just didn’t go to the lesson in the first place and went to the SEN support room instead. Once she was in lessons she didn’t want to make an issue of herself by leaving.
Once school was finished she spent about 4 months in her room, occasionally going out with just me and that allowed her to “get over” the trauma and exhaustion school caused.
Medication was a game changer as well, she was put on Sertraline which took away the constant feeling of dread she had.
She’s 19 now and is sooooooo much better. She has a part time job and is doing a part-time course with a plan to go away to University. I never thought we’d get here.

My advice, cut time in school as much as possible, ask about medication and give her loads of time to just be by herself to re-regulate.

Some people find therapies that rely less on verbal communication and tap into their DC’s interests work better. For example, animal-assisted therapy. While not therapy in the same way, some find Mindjam helpful.

Has DD had OT and SALT assessments?

What support is DD receiving at school? Does she have an EHCP?