ADHD / ASD Teenager Lying in GCSE

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I have a 16 year old DS with ADHD (inattentive) and ASD 1 (aspergers) at a very academically selective London Day School and going through the hell of revising for GCSEs. He is lying chronically about school work (homework and revision he has and has not completed - cue emails from school about homework not submitted) and test results (lots of wishful thinking to make himself look better) and every day life (whether he has brushed his teeth). He has always had a problem with lying since he was a young child. I always called him out on it. I put it down to nature as his biological father (XH) was a congenital liar but XMIL thought the sun shone out of his backside and was complicit in it rather than called him out of it. DS started Vyanse 40mg in August which has improved his mood and focus. I know that lying / wishful thinking / impulse control is a common feature of ND teenagers but the rampant lying to your face has got out increasingly out of control. We have discussed with DS the consequences of lying to avoid homework (breakdown in trust in relationships and unavoidable bad results at school from not having put the work in).

Has anybody experienced extensive lying from their ND teenager/young adult? How did you manage it? If you are a young person who is ND what triggered your lying? It is deeply frustrating and distressing not to be able to trust your child at all - we are going to see his psychiatrist again. I am at a loss as to what we can do to reduce his lying which is causing a lot of friction in the family.

Rather than focus on the lying itself, look at the reasons behind it.

For example, with homework, lots of DC struggle with homework. Can DS do the homework in school even if it means dropping a subject? Can you reduce the homework burden, just focusing on the absolute core?

With revision, can DS revise at school? Again, even if he drops a subject or 2? Would revising on an app work better? Would DS be open to you sitting with him to revise? Or working with a tutor?

Have you tried PDA strategies for demand avoidance?

We've had this with ours one is ADHD and the other is AuHD.

DC1 didn't revise for their mocks although they swore blind they were and got very mediocre results, well compared to what they were actually capable of.

Then lockdown hit. The good thing is that they didn't have to revise but the negative was that their GCSE results were essentially what they'd achieved in their mocks.

DC2 also lied about revising. With them it turned out that two subjects were particularly stressing them. We looked at their predicted grades spike to the Teachers and asked if we could drop those subjects. One was more than happy the other not but I spike to the School Examination Officer who had phoned me about dropping one but had no idea that we wanted to stop the other too.

She agreed and DC2 was not entered for either subject.

They actually came out with 5 decent GCSES which after all of their school refusal us roughly 5 more than I thought they'd get abc I'm sure it was the ease in pressure that helped.

They've since done a college course and are now on an apprenticeship in their chosen field.

It depends on what they want to do. Medicine for instance will want a full range of GCSES at good grades but if your DS doesn't want to continue in Sixth Form but has a clear plan then I'd say it would be fine to drop a subject or two.

Using PDA strategies as the PP suggested is a great idea.

There are also lots of suggestions of AHDH study tactics on the internet. How to ADHD has one or two.

Forgot to say that DC2 could look you straight in the eye and blatantly lie long before the Child development books say that any child was capable of lying.

I think that I would be trying to deal with the issue he is lying about rather than the lying itself. He is obviously struggling to do his work for whatever reason. You have two options really:

1. Put in support for the revision and homework such as he does it downstairs in front of you or you work on it with him or you pay for a tutor to work with him. If he declines the help, he takes the consequences.
2. Explain the consequences of not doing the work and then let him make his own decisions. If he doesn't revise or do the necessary work he may not get the grades he would like or he may do well enough. Regardless this will have been his choice.

This may well be his way of dealing with difficult stuff. It isn't that uncommon for teenagers to lie to their parents about stuff they know will get them grief. Teenagers with adhd and those without any ND will do this. I doubt there is much a psychiatrist can do about this. I guess you just need to treat what he tells you with a healthy dose of scepticism.