Autistic and Happy?

[Smallfry79]

Hi all

I hope I don't offend anyone with my post but basically my ds aged 12 has just received an asd diagnosis.
I also worried for him and his future.
He is already begining to struggle socially and other kids don't seem enjoy his company or want to be friends.
He will start secondary school next year (ROI) and am so nervous for him.

Online all I seem to see are stories of depression, anxiety, school refusal etc.
I'm trying to tell myself that people only post when there is a problem but still I can't settle my nerves/dread.
I'm even half afraid to post this incase I don't like the replies.

I thought that even if the assessment came back positive it would be very low support etc but it actually reads quite bad. Apologies for the language etc but I'm just trying to come to terms with everything and with if I have missed so much and not helping enough to date.

So does anyone have an autistic teen/child that is happy? Or an autistic preson themselves who copes ok and is happy?
Thanks

I won't lie to you, we did have achoo refusal and anxiety with DD but she's on Sertraline and Melatonin and she's so much better. School really didn't suit her, well high school the lovely little primary was ok.

She now has an apprenticeship and is out with her friends. I'd say she's happy. She does need some more support that her DFs seem to and she also needs a lot of down time but she's ok.

Thanks for your reply @PolaroidPrincess.
I'm relieved to hear your daughter is doing better now and has friends.

It's all such an unknown.
I understand even NT children and teens can have their struggles but it just seems so much more common in those with asd. My heart breaks for my little guy. He is already lonely and that's before puberty and hormones kick in.
Thanks for offering your tale of hope.

My autistic son is 16 and absolutely loves school and always has from yr 1 (he hated reception). He is a hard worker and a rule follower, so the teachers love him. He has been bullied and he learnt to stand up to the bullies at a young age (boys his age) unfortunately when he was bullied by younger girls he struggled as he has learnt in society you can't stand up for yourself against a girl as it will always be twisted to make out the older boy is the instigator!. He loves routine and people hence why school is his happy place.

I chose a school that I know is diverse and has lots of quirky kids in it - a different school to where my other children go and it was perfect for him. We have never had any type of school refusal or anxiety but I have an outgoing autistic child which is perhaps a little more unusual.

I have an outgoing autistic child which is perhaps a little more unusual.

I think it's the same here. Me, DS & DD are all fairly outgoing and enjoy seeing friends and going out. DH would never leave the house again if that was an option.

That's lovely to reat @nnextwed14. It's great you had a choice of schools and he was able to find his tribe.

Interesting you paint being outgoing as a positive. I was starting to think my ds would be better off if more introverted. He craves friendship and association but his advances get rejected as he is a bit different and immature.
Thank you for your posts.

He'll find people that want to be friends with him, that appreciate him for who he is, it may just take time

All of my sons friends have some type of SEN although he has a few older NT friends as they are more accepting of his quirks and differences.

Thank you ❤️

Don’t want to add to the doom and gloom but my DD didn’t cope at all at her big state comp secondary, and developed severe mental health problems. However, we managed to change her to a more nurturing school with a great SEN department and things are improving. She is now nearly 16 and is also on Sertraline, she also has speech and language therapy at school and art therapy through CAHMS and things are improving slowly. I don’t know what the future holds as she became extremely shy during all of this difficulty and she is very young for her age still, but I have hopes she will get through it and cope in the end, perhaps a bit later than expected. In my mind, if she gets a job at 24 as opposed to 21 or whatever, that will be a massive win. She also struggles to make friends now but I have made sure to keep in touch with the parents of her primary school friends so she still sees them. Best of luck with everything, every ND child is unique and I hope he finds his way okay.

@Mummadeze thanks for your reply. It's great that you have made positive changes for your dd and there are some improvements.
I think if we can make it through teenage years there is more light at the end of the tunnel so hopefully you are over the worst of it. There is no rush to get a job straight away etc, everyone moves at their own pace. As long as they can find some contentment in life we will be happy.

I am also in ROI - my 11 year old got an autism diagnosis yesterday and I feel the exact same way as you. He is really starting to struggle with friendships.

He is delighted with the diagnosis and cant wait to get into school today to tell everyone. I think he has a feeling of relief that he is different.

His school is an Educate Together and they are very positive about being neurodivergent.

But i cannot help being so sad and worried about what secondary school will hold for him.

He is high functioning but the problem is friendships and people not following the rules and not understand sacarsm (which is how Irish people commuicate).

I just keep telling myself at least we know, he will get his extra time in exams, and will be given all the support he needs (hopefully) and will fair much better than 20 years or if he was undiagnosised.

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Welcome! It is so difficult isn't it, trying to look ahead and wondering how our lovely little boys will cope and fit in.

I am only really coming to terms with it all really, which is weird as it's not a huge surprise we did send him for assessment after all!
I have since spoken with his current teacher and he did reassure me a bit.
I don't know what to do for the best to help him.
I might contact ASIAM? Have you been in touch with them?
Day to day we function well don't need special cinema screenings or sensory hours in shops etc so not sure where we fit in.

Sorry I am rambling now.
You are right, things are improving for asd children and adults all the time and hopefully the diagnosis will help their understanding of themselves and help them adjust.
Wishing you and your little boy all the best ❤️