Worried about how DS(22) will ever manage independently

[ABitWorried]

DS is 22 and has a dyslexia diagnosis, and almost certainly undiagnosed ADHD, or similar.
He managed to get through university, but only with a lot of help from DH & me, not least because the uni failed to deliver on any of the study support they promised. We were helping him plan his workload and keep on top of things on an almost weekly basis.
His biggest issues are planning and processing, especially things like admin stuff - bills, subscriptions, banking etc.
He just doesn't read/process his emails, doesn't open his post, forgets anything he is told verbally - the list is long.
Things like moving out of his student accommodation at the end of each term has been hugely stressful as he has no sense of time and is so easily distracted that we'd turn up to collect him and find nothing done.
When we try to get involved and try to chivvy him along at all he flies off the handle in an angry outburst. It seems so unfair when we have supported him so much over the years. He gets completely overwhelmed by change and almost shuts down sometimes, especially under any sort of time pressure.

He is now doing a vocational post grad course, but I just can't see how he will ever manage in the future. He is financially vulnerable in the sense that will forget to cancel subscriptions (his gym, amazon prime, gaming subscriptions) and really can't seem to manage any kind of telephone calls to e.g. phone companies/ utility companies etc.

I can't see how he will manage to function on his own, and I am already worrying about what will happen when DH & I die!
He does have an older brother, but he is very impatient with him, and I don't think he really understands how the dyslexia/ADHD affect his brother.

Has anyone seen their adult children manage to get it together? How do they manage it?

How does he feel about getting an assessment for ADHD?

We discussed it and he doesn’t see the point. He already has an official SpLD diagnosis for dyslexia and gets DSA. Also of course the process for diagnosis would be an additional administrative stress!

How would an ADHD diagnosis help do you think?

Well he could try the medications or do things specifically aimed at helping an ADHD brain

I hear you OP. We’re also going through similar with our DD. She too goes to uni but we worry if she’ll ever be able to hold down a job (if she ever applies that is…). It’s just so difficult to manage sometimes as it can be so much work also the stress of dealing with someone else who forgets stuff.

An official diagnosis may be helpful, especially if the medication works. With my Dd it didn’t after spending 18 months trialling it. Best of luck.

I would also encourage DS to pursue an assessment if he would take medication. For some, it is life changing.

Encourage him to make adjustments for his difficulties. For example, making notes when told things verbally, checking emails as part of his daily routine, using technology such as alarms and Brain in Hand.