Should I suggest my dd20 be tested for ASD?

[EmeraldDreams73]

Hi, my dd1 (almost 20) has just finished her first year at uni. She's always been a little different/needing much more emotional support, but the older she gets, the more I feel potentially ASD traits are clear. I have nieces, nephews and piano pupils who are much higher on the spectrum than dd1 is, and always thought she wasn't ND because she was so different to them, and ultra empathetic. Now I'm feeling that as she's becoming more independent it's actually clearer than ever. I think she's been masking so well for so long and as her confidence inches higher, she's trying not to mask as much and be herself, which is great, but she's presenting as much more ND than ever before. Which in itself is fine but she is so painfully aware of being out of step with her peers in terms of socialising, relationships etc (she's absolutely petrified of anything with boys but at the same time desperate for a boyfriend). She has a small number of close friends, some ND, most not.

My question is, now that it seems so pronounced to the outside world (in the opinion of her family, at least), should I gently suggest that she look into a diagnosis? Or would that do her confidence more harm than good? (Private isn't an option financially, but her uni has a very good pastoral team.) She has extra time for exams due to what they called a "sensory processing disorder" at secondary school, but I never got any more info on that from the school despite trying. She was also resistant to trying to, as she saw it, "underline" any reasons why she might be different. College and uni have both continued the extra time which is great, and she's spoken about identifying with ND small children (she's training in a caring profession), so I think she might be more open to the idea of seeing herself as ND. If that would even be of any help. I'm second guessing myself - I don't want to make her sense of being out of step any worse, but I think tailored support and a bit more knowledge could be really beneficial to her.

We are very close, she leans on me emotionally a lot which it can be overwhelming at times. I have always tried to help her spread her wings as much as possible and her confidence is far better than a few years ago.

Sorry if this is just confused ramblings. I'd really appreciate any thoughts.

I would gently raise in during one of the times DD speaks about identifying with ND DC.

much higher on the spectrum

The autism spectrum is not a linear spectrum from low to high or mild to severe.

@BrumToTheRescue Thank you very much for the reply, and for pointing out the non-linear nature of the spectrum. I've just been reading about exactly that. I will try to find an appropriate moment in conversation to raise it with dd.

Don’t be surprised if DD isn’t responsive to seeking an assessment straight away. Time is often needed.

Tie excellent posts by Burn.

One thing we did with our DD2 was to talk about ASD in a positive way.

As she may already be open to the idea of herself being possibly ND, do talk to her about it. It may help her to realise there’s a reason why things might be harder for her than other people and that there’s many other neurodivergent people like her. It will help her to find out about her autistic traits and help her avoid any burnouts in future which could happen if she continues to mask. You sound like a great mum by the way.

Thank you so much! She's doing well atm, it's her birthday in a couple of days so after that I will try to find a good time to gently raise it with her. Then she'll have plenty of time to chat about it if she wants to before leaving again for uni

Hope she has a nice birthday @EmeraldDreams73