NC for this.
Has anyone got experience of helping their two autistic teens communicate?
We are at a deadlock with the same negative patterns of communication happening nearly daily, often in the morning and evening focused on use of the bathroom.
One DC (15) has strong PDA traits and requires absolute consistency and predictability from everyone else in order to function. Prone to screaming and repetitive door slamming/kicking when others don't act exactly as promised/predicted. No leeway given or ability to wait a moment for anyone else to finish what they are doing.
The other DC (17) has more sensory issues, so finds the door slamming intolerable and will sometimes meltdown as a result. Sometimes reacts with swearing and namecalling. Seems to have time blindness but does try to work on the agreed timetables.
Neither is prone to showing much empathy for the other in the moment, although they can comfort each other when they are upset by other things/people.
External stressors at the moment are that DC 15 is coming to the end of GCSEs after an incredibly hard couple of years of school avoidance.
DH and I are a good team, but despite all of our best efforts both in the moment and at moments of calm to discuss strategies with the kids, they are having little or no effect. It feels like constant firefighting and my mental health particularly is very low.
If anyone has any understanding of what it is like to parent two autistic teens, I'd be so grateful to hear it even if you don't have any ideas of how to move forward.
I'm finding it so very lonely and incredibly difficult to see them in conflict so often and worry about the long term effect it is having upon all of us.