Teen's fear of being in any room alone

[Doyasyouwouldbedoneby]

Does anyone have any advice for how to tackle my 14-year-old son's fear of being alone in any room unless someone else is very nearby? The anxiety he feels is very probably part of his autism – in fact we were told when he was diagnosed that the anxiety was the most prominent feature – but nonetheless he's been like this for years and it's now really affecting my (neurotypical) 12-year-old son, as my older son will start arguments with his brother or deliberately annoy him just so he'll stay near to argue back. (He'll also do this in social situations where he doesn't want to be left on his own or feels uncomfortable.)

Going up/downstairs on his own is particularly challenging for him. When he goes upstairs to the loo (no downstairs loo), he bolts back downstairs so quickly it's getting dangerous.

If anyone has to leave my son alone in a room to go up/downstairs, he'll come up with a ruse to follow them – and sometimes this even happens if we're in the next room. If he suspects he's been left, he'll soon call out to see who's near him. If he leaves something important to him in another part of the house, he'll say it suddenly does't matter – even his phone!

I feel like we've seen a lot of people over the years to help my son with his anxiety, including a hypnotherapist, and nothing has really helped him except getting older. However, this problem doesn't seem to be going away. Anyone else experienced this and found ways to overcome it?

what diagnosis has your son got? Anxiety?

Ignore above

autism

you need some professional guidance OP because this is quite debilitating

How would cope if he was alone in a room but with a 2 way monitor/walkie-talkie/being on the phone? Can DS communicate what it is he finds difficult about being in a room alone?

Has DS seen an OT? Has DS had therapy? Something like animal assisted therapy that relies less on verbal communication is often easier for DC to engage with. Has DS seen a psychiatrist? Some find medication helps.

I like that walkie-talkie idea a lot, YellowRosesWithRedTips - and we do have some walkie-talkies somewhere!

He had art therapy and every other therapist going at his primary school, then private therapy with the most perfect therapist (for him) but that stopped when she had a baby. I might contact her again - it's a been a while. And yes, I do plan to sit down and ask him properly why he's scared, but I'm pretty sure I'll get 'I don't know. I just don't like it - OK?!'. Or the very subject will get him fearful - makes it bigger than it already is (if that's possible).

I am trying to think of something cost-free, though, as we have spent so much money on his needs so far that I'm not sure we can stretch to even more.

Yes, it really is debilitating - for all four of us. But not sure where to start. I would ideally like someone to come into our own home and work with him.

Are you receiving DLA for DS?

There are professionals who would work with you at home. Someone like an OT (they can support emotional regulation) or a clinical psychologist. Has DS had a SALT assessment? I wonder if DS’s communication was supported you would be able to dig deeper into his anxiety.

He's had a SALT assessment and SALT therapy but it wasn't hugely useful for learning to express himself - in fact we cancelled it. What you say makes sense though. I'll look into those ideas. No DLA, no – I've never even had this mentioned to us. If it's means-tested I expect we wouldn't qualify.

DLA isn’t means tested. You should apply. The Cerebra guide is helpful when completing the form.

SALT can help, but it is something that needs to be persevered with. Sadly, it isn’t a quick improvement. Does DS have an EHCP? Therapies (OT, SALT, MH therapies) can be included in there.

No, no EHCP, as our London council - ridiculously stretched – didn't deem him 'bad' enough. But that is a great idea to look into DLA and so on. Thanks so much, and to the other respondents here. Greatly appreciated.

Request another EHCNA, then appeal if refused. The vast majority of appeals are upheld.