Feel a bit messed up and burnt out

[SpookySpoon22]

It's been a very difficult year for my teen (and me). School refusal, ASD diagnosis, OT, CAMHS, EHC needs assessment and lots of struggles. I have been her support and her constant but I am feeling really burnt out. My marriage is at its worst, my job has been really hard and I'm knackered. I fully accept her autism diagnosis and was expecting it (have suspected for a long time) but I feel a bit messed up right now, I'm not sure why. Perhaps because she is no longer on the same trajectory as her peers whereas she managed primary school OK (although there were lots of struggles behind the scenes). I feel as if I have no breathing space. My DD is fabulous and we're closer than ever but she needs me a lot emotionally. I love her and get the best of her but I also get all the tough bits too. My DH just doesn't have the patience and we clash. I need a year long holiday. Not sure what my point is but maybe someone can relate.

Oh God I can totally relate. DD is on the Pathway, she too needs an awful lot of time and just doesn't see that I have other responsibilities. She gets moody if I do anything else at the weekend, like visiting my DFIL in Hospital today.

My DH sounds similar so as well as parenting a ND Teen DD I constantly have to talk to him about how he can try and parent better.

Do you get any time away from it all? I do manage to vaguely keep up with friends. Think I might have lost the plot if I didn't see them

Thanks for replying. Yes I do manage to see friends a bit but usually feel a bit guilty, which I know I shouldn't. I often crave time by myself in the house but this rarely happens these days. I feel like I can never properly relax and be myself.

I suppose what I'm asking is how do I get my mojo back after a really hard year, which has messed with my head and body, whilst still supporting and helping with my DD's difficulties and dealing with my usual responsibilities when there's no chance of an actual break for me to recover? I can feel myself sliding. I have friends I can talk to but it doesn't solve this burnt out feeling and I'm starting to switch off too much by going on my phone, which is making me feel worse. A day out is lovely but not enough to repair myself after chronic stress. I also don't feel like I've completely come to terms with things but don't know where to go with my feelings because I've talked about it a lot already and feel like I should be OK.

I know how you feel. At my worst I had telephone counselling for a year, which meant I could offload to someone who was being paid to listen.

I joined a choir in September and make attending it as non negotiable as I can.

Still pretty exhausted.

Yeah, perhaps it's about changes of scene (e.g. your choir) and breaks from thinking about things, where there is no physical relief.

For 90 mins each week my phone is off, I am 'off duty' and properly distracted.
I can't mange it other times, even if on my on.

I do have an exercise class I go to each week but because my DH does shift work, it usually means leaving DD by herself - she's fine but I then don't really feel off duty and feel guilty. I need to figure something out!

I really relate. My daughter has had 18 months out of school with deep deep depression, ASC diagnosis, loneliness. My days are spent taking her to therapy appointments, checking in on her, counselling her, and covering the endless admin involved in an EHCP application and CAMHS. Not to mention that 90% of the support she gets is paid for… so it’s expensive too. My life isn’t my own anymore. I take small amounts of time out to knit or to see friends, but I feel on the edge, too. Sending camaraderie. Have you checked out Parenting Mental Health on Facebook?

Thanks, it's so hard isn't it? 'My life isn’t my own anymore' - I totally get this. Sending camaraderie right back at ya. No, I've not seen that Facebook page but will check it out. Hopefully all the hard work will be worthwhile and our DDs will come out the other side.

Feeling very much like this, received a further diagnosis this week, DS 14now has ADHD in addition to his autism. The same day I attended a ‘support group’ (referred to by my SW following DS violent behaviour,) which made me feel even worse.
I just don’t see any future, he is adamant he is going to leave school in 2 years and his special school say they can meet need, when they clearly cant. Hoping medication might improve things, but even so, I am just so burnt out, after caring, and advocating for him on my own for the past 10 years. I wonder where my life has gone and feel like walking away sometimes.

@SuperFi I'm sorry things are feeling so tough right now. There always seems to be one thing after another doesn't there? It's hard walking into the unknown when you don't feel hopeful. I'm trying not to think too far ahead as that just sends me into a spiral of worry, when really I cannot predict the future. Who knows, it could be better than expected. For now, I'm just trying to be my kid's biggest cheerleader and trying to have fun where we can. The burn out is real for us parents and sometimes the only way through it is to coast for a bit until we've regained our energy. Perhaps there's something you can let go of for a while to make life that little bit easier. To take your foot off the gas and relax a bit until you get your strength back. Not always easy I know but it's the only way I've managed this time.

Thanks for your kind words@SpookySpoon22 . You are right it is a marathon not a sprint. Sometimes I feel like dealing with the authorities/ professionals is equally draining.

You're welcome @SuperFi - and yes, I totally agree! Although some have been worth their weight in gold. Still draining though.