Son 18 and work problem

[WalterHWhite]

I'm wondering if anyone can help me with this. I don't really know what to do and would be grateful for any answers or if someone can relate in some way,

My DS18 has a diagnosis of ADHD. There are other complications in that he was adopted at 10 months old due to his birth mother's substance abuse. This has affected him obviously in ways that are not ADHD related but at the time I was more than happy to take this diagnosis (not the FASD route which was a nightmare to get anyone to even talk to me about) so that he could have help in school and college. He has now been transferred to the local mental health team but due to his age, he goes alone and doesn't really ask much. I can help with this by getting him to ask certain questions as he has an appointment this week.

He has now finished his course and doesn't want to go to university. I don't think he would be able to cope alone but I was trying to steer him to do a degree but live at home. I would have supported him going away but he didn't want that. He did very well at college but it absolutely burned him out. I don't think he would have a gcse to his name if he hadn't been pushed and pushed but I know it cost him mentally as he was exhausted.

Due to his problems socially his life is quite limited and he has now said that he would like a part time job doing something easy. I think he should apply for PIP but I worry that if he got it, he would be even less motivated as that amount of money would be great for him. I even thought of him claiming UC in the hope that they would put him on courses and find him a job but I'm not sure if that's naive of me. (It's been a long time since I've been to the Job Centre.)

I know (think) I could push him to do something more challenging because he listens to me but what would you do? I would have to do most of the leg work for this. I know that college was so exhausting for him and he had no energy to do anything else at all. He's started going to a hobby group once a week which is a major thing and he really enjoys it.

Sorry this is so long but I really don't know what to do. I want him to do well but can't help feeling that it will come at a great cost to him mentally. Thanks

Anyone?

Does DS have an EHCP? If so, you could look at a supported apprenticeship or supported internship. It would also help with therapies and preparation for adulthood.

I think DS, or you on his behalf as appointee, should apply for PIP and UC.

If you do go down the looking for a job route (rather than support via an EHCP) you could look at the Work and Health Programme or Intensive Personalised Employment Support.

Thank you so much for your reply. He doesn't have an EHCP. When he was in school I honestly believed they were doing all they could to help him and didn't realise that that is what I should have been asking for. In hindsight, I should have pushed more - an Ed Psych came to the school, did her report and then nothing really.

I understand that an EHCP can be applied for now? Is that right and would it be worth doing?

Thank you also for the information on the work schemes.

Yes, you/DS could request an EHCNA - IPSEA has a model letter you can use. I think it would be worth doing, especially if you think DS is going to need support to work and some preparation for adulthood provision.

Last question honest! I have just had a quick look and think it might be a different way of doing things in Wales. Is that right?

I'm very grateful to you. I feel we have a plan. Thank you

EHCPs don’t exist in Wales. It is IDPs, which have different rules and legislation. The rules for IDPs for young people are more complex, it is worth speaking to SNAP Cymru.

That's probably why he doesn't have one then! Although his college asked me if he had one. I notice that the IDP mentions 16-25 if in education but he isn't at the moment so I probably can't do anything about that?

I'll speak to SNAP Cymru tomorrow. Thanks

The scope of education is wider than you think, so just because DS doesn’t want to continue with traditional education doesn’t necessarily rule out an IDP.

Does your DS have any obvious interests that could lead him into getting a part time job to begin with? The outdoors/gardening/design/IT etc?

Yes he might be academic, but like you say, it’s not great if he’s going to burn out doing it.

Yes he does. His it skills are excellent. He says he doesn’t have the confidence. I am looking for him as he has stopped since finishing college.

A lady who is a 6th from head, gave me these details for my son. He’s 18 and is autistic but very academic too. However, he has no motivation to seek out a job that’s not home-based due to him having massive anxiety (diagnosed GAD) and being unable to ‘script’ what he will say to people in the real world.

www.workfinder.com
This company employ people usually from home and their short term contracts with big companies like PayPal and Octopus. Check out the case studies on their website. Perhaps there might be something your son is interested in - even if only for a few months at a time.

*they’re not their 😬

That sounds interesting and worth a look. Came up as an error but I’m on my phone. Will go on laptop. Had your ds worked for them? I mentioned to him about working from home yesterday and he said that wasn’t good for him! So frustrating

Has not had

Hmm that link didn’t work when I clicked on it either.
However, if you just type it into your address bar it comes up fine.
As well as work placements, they also provide courses and I think they’re now joined with another company ‘superpower’ which you can click through to from the work finder site.

My son hasn’t worked for anyone, no. He finished 6th form early in May this year and wants a year out (his sister had one) but mainly that’s just to chill and learn new ‘preparation to adulthood’ type stuff he didn’t finish at school - like shopping, going on public transport, household chores etc.

As an example of how slow the progress here is, last week, he finally was able to choose his own clothes the night before and lay them out in his room, ready to put on. Now he’s in the routine of doing it every single night. It takes a very long time for him to get used to change and a new process. And it’s exhausting for us/me coaxing him all the time. But we know he will be able to live with us until a time when he can potentially live alone.

We just have no idea what he will do to earn a living.
I did send him a job ad I saw for the police last week. It was working from home - doing data research and something to do with information sharing. Something like that really interests him - especially police stuff.

Thank you so much for the information. I’ve asked him to get up earlier tomorrow so we can have a look together. Not sure how that will go.
The police job does look interesting. It’s so frustrating and worrying isn’t it? My son wouldn’t be able to manage without me at the moment. Teaching him life skills takes so long but I hope he’ll get there.

It’s nice to chat about it actually. I understand when you say about being exhausted by the coaxing.

That’s good he’s agreed to get up and look together.

He’s maybe really anxious about doing more adult type things. I know my DS is. It makes me sad because I worry about what if he never gets to the point of being able to fully care for himself. But I have to stop thinking about it because I get so down about it, as I’m sure you do.

Hope things go ok tomorrow - even if it’s just ruling stuff out.

I was going to say -as he’s into IT, there’s always the option of doing something working as an online live chat agent - working for Amazon, Microsoft, Next etc. Don’t have to speak to anyone and many are working from home.

How is your son doing @WalterHWhite ?

Hi @Verbena17. Thanks for thinking of us. Well a few weeks after I posted, ds said that he'd be interested in working at the company his brother works at temporarily. It has nothing to do with his college course but the company treat their agency staff very well.

I had to get the email address and encourage him (keep on!) to contact them but he started three weeks ago and I can't bloody believe it! I still put my alarm on for 6 am but he has been up and almost ready to go by 6.30 am. He's using the canteen for breakfast every day - he wouldn't use the college one for 2 years.

He got his results - two distinctions and a merit in a level 3 BTEC. I'm sad he's not using his qualifications but he has them now. He's not taking any medication as he says he doesn't need it. I can't help feeling that an awful lot of his problems were from school and college not suiting him so if he has to do manual type jobs then so be it.

I do feel very guilty for pushing him in school and college because mentally it must have really cost him a lot. As I type, I can hear him getting ready to go to town (with me) as he wants to go to the bank and get a mini statement to look at his wages in print!

He'll always have those qualifications though and it is early days with the job. Spoke too soon, he's gone back to bed!

That was long! How are things with you and your ds?

That’s absolutely brililiant @WalterHWhite !!
Well done to your son 😊 for sorting the job and sticking to it and also, congratulations to him on his great results! 🎉.

He does sound really motivated and keen to keep it going - you’re right, i think the school and college systems have a lot to answer for!

My DS is ok - eating more and has put on some weight, which is good. The adult ARFID team lady said she thought he might find eating less stressful when discharged from paediatric eating disorder team. He’s also learning Japanese - online himself. I think he wants to try and be good enough to translate Manga and other Japanese books into English. Who know - at least he’s keeping busy for now

We’ll see where he’s at after his year out.

So glad your DS is doing well 😊