Not quite ASD but maybe, anyone with a dc similar and what do you do?

[BartholemewHolmes]

Hi not sure if these boards are very busy but it’d be great to get advice. Ds is 13 and no diagnosis

He’s highly academic and so far found school fine

Recently various things seem to be standing out and I was wondering if anyone had a dc who was similar and what kind of things you did to help

ARFID - we’re used to this, selective eating reasonably healthy but does cause problems as will ask to avoid residentials and tends to not eat at school

BMI very low, he’s tallest in class but at 1st centile for weight (good immune system and overall health though)

Cannot do parties and freezes if say a group come into a restaurant and say hi whilst we’re there

Has a few friends and says no one is mean to him but does find increasingly difficult social situations worrying for him

He seems happy, we’re close and can talk.

Just wondering if I can do more to help him?

Has he had a formal assessment? The things you describe could be ASD but could be something else such as anxiety. I would have a chat with his school and maybe the GP as first ports of call

I have a 13yo DS diagnosed at 10 with Autism. What you describe sounds very similar to my son although that doesn’t necessarily mean yours has autism.

Like the other commenter said, it could be that he just has an anxiety problem but it could also be he may have mild autism.

My son also is extremely picky with foods and will only eat basic foods with easy textures, he avoids eating at school because he has a fear of public toilets so he will try not to eat or drink throughout the school day. On top of that he doesn’t like people watching him eat.

Like your son, mine hates parties or crowded areas, so if we were out somewhere and a large group of loud people come into a shop, it annoys him and makes him anxious because it disturbs his peace.

I’m a single mum so also close to my son, I’d recommend just having open conversations about how he’s feeling and try to get him to explain why he may be feeling that. It should be noted that 13 is an age where he’s also starting to change so that might be a factor of his anxieties.

Thanks so much @BloominFlower that is helpful

And thanks to @onlytuesday also

He hasn’t been formally assessed, how do people finds it helps with support?

I also question my decision daily on school, in one way it suits him as it’s highly academic and more structured but the dc are very confident - especially as he diverges from that

The local school is more mixed and the cohort a bit different

I keep thinking if he were there would he be happier?

He has a couple of friends but a recent example was one inviting him to a party, to which he said no. He finds the thought of it stressful.

But also feels a bit ignored by a confident students.

Bloomin how does your Ds find his school?

When my DS was diagnosed, I felt like it helped us both. For me, it gave context to his behaviour that reassured me that that’s just my son and that there wasn’t any greater deep underlying issue per se. For him, it also gave a reason, he used to come to me upset because he felt different to other kids at his school and he didn’t know why which frustrated him. Furthermore he has a support plan in place with the school should he feel the need for it, which reassures him (although he doesn’t struggle with the academic side)

It can be difficult to balance certainly, what does he think about his current school? Obviously I don’t know either if you, but from first impression and instinct, it would be best to stay in his current school because moving may upset his routine and what he’s used to, also the local school may not be academically to his liking and perhaps more rowdy? But obviously again you both know better than me

My opinion on parties is, maybe try to gently encourage him, as if he does go he might enjoy it even if only slightly, which may help him realise his social confidence. But if he says no that’s ok too, not everyone likes parties, my son really doesn’t and would much rather talk to his small group of friends.

Similar to your DS, my son gets on well with the academic side, although he struggles with the social and has a lot of anxiety. He hates rowdy classrooms which there are many. He also has a fear of public eating and public toilets which really affect him. And he has a bit of worry/insecurity about his height as he’s currently quite short.

This is helpful. His school has stricter rules on behaviour and very few disruptive students which may be a benefit.

I wouldn’t move him as it could work out badly, and he doesn’t want to go, I do do that questioning thing looking back which is driving me a bit doolally, but since we won’t go for changing schools I think I’m trying to reaffirm the positives.

Are there any things on your ds’ support plan that are outside the academic?

Yeah it sounds like a benefit for your son.

I completely understand what you mean about questioning things, I do it all the time for my DS. But in the situation regarding schools, it sounds like he’s comfortable as it is, meaning you made the right decision 😊

A few things, he is allowed to go to the support centre if he gets overwhelmed in a classroom, he can also go there during break times (sometimes he doesn’t know what to do with himself and wishes he could just go to the next lesson straight away to finish earlier haha).

Same here. He does clubs for a few of the lunch times which is useful, otherwise reads in the library. It’s quiet and there are others there so he’s not the only one.

He has been a bit spooked by his extremely low BMI, me too, so we’re working on more safe but healthy foods every day. Especially since he’s dropped school lunch recently, he’s on holiday now so can cook together.

The library is a great place, my som sometimes also reads there but according to him there’s always a bit of a shouting match between the librarian and a group of boys to stay quiet

Aww bless him, sorry to hear that. What’s his height/weight you don’t mind me asking? What’s his reasoning for stopping school lunches?