Help with ADHD and medication

[DesperateADHDMum]

Dd who is 13 seems to have smashed together puberty and ADHD and become a total nightmare! When she explodes she is destructive, nasty and loud. It is difficult to reason her and I really struggle to know how to help her calm. I can’t just leave her alone as she gets more wound up.

we are also having issues in school due to her loudness and disruption in lessons. She seems to feel it’s something she can’t help.

she is due to start medication soon but is resistant as she thinks it will make her boring as she will lose her hyperness which she considers a key part of her personality.

any advice on the above would be greatly appreciated. I am really struggling

Bump

Anyone?

Hi, I’ve just seen your post and wanted to say my dd 13 has been exactly the same. We took her off of her ADHD meds as we felt they were making her more angry but within a month she has gone back on but moved to a different type. I think it’s about trying the right sort and and getting the dose right. We didn’t want our dd to lose her personality but we needed to help her calm her brain a bit. It’s early days on the new meds but her teachers have noticed she is calmer at school.

Thank you for your reply. Have you noticed any impact on appetite? Dd is very slight so that is also a concern.

it’s so tricky to deal with the behaviour and I know the medication is more for school but it would help to have less issues there!

I think it depends on the meds, her appetite has certainly increased since she came off of the last lot of meds and my dd isn’t slight so just trying to encourage lots of healthy snacks.

We put her back on when she started having friendship issues at school, she was being a bit mean and that’s not usually like her (except to us at home!) They have also been tracking it at school to see if there is a pattern with her hormones. We are fortunate that she goes to a special needs school and they are completely on the ball with her.

My dd is in mainstream and they struggle a bit - some teachers are amazing with her but some just see her as a nuisance.

it sees the clash between adhd and hormones is explosive in our house but luckily she saves it for home

This book is very helpful: The Parents’ Guide to ADHD Medicines by Peter Hill https://www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Guide-ADHD-Medicines/dp/1787755681/ref=sr_1_1?crid=8F1RG0F6TC69&keywords=adhd+medicine+parents&qid=1688909843&sprefix=adhd+medicine+parents%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

Some people find the right dosis quite quickly for others, it is a lengthy process. It can be helpful to write a log.

Does she know calming techniques, eg. box breathing, finger breathing, etc? Other things that might help are sucking on a very sour sweet, holding ice cubes, drinking a very cold or hot drink, so sensory input. Physical activity often helps.

They need to figure out how their brains work and what they need to do to calm themselves. That can take a while, particularly when their brains are reorganising themselves due to the teenage years. Is she aware of that?

Do you have arrangements that she can leave lessons for a few minutes if she needs to?

Our daughter's appetite is affected, so we have had conversations about anorexia and she tries to eat as much as possible. Some people say 5 small meals work better than 3 large ones. We let our daughter eat whenever she is hungry.

Thank you - that’s really helpful.

we decided to try the medication and then received her new classlist and teachers for next year and it’s as if the school decided to see how difficult to make it for her. So frustrating!

Poor you having to go through this. Our DS8 has ADHD - very severe. Just got an EHCP for a 1:1 for full school hours. I think from my reading girls present differently and later.

through all my reading and research, ADHD children are often about 2 years emotionally behind. And it is only until they realise the impact their behaviour has on others (including others’ learning) that they start to reduce their disruptiveness in lessons. I have tried to explain to my son how he has a “racing car brain but only a bicycle for brakes” and that the meds help him have more control.

The meds really do reduce his appetite - not much I can do about that unfortunately. So I just allow him to eat whatever he wants when he wants. I never food refuse.

you are not alone - hope the school get on board and are helpful.

I do know girls who, by the time they were 17, only took meds when they had to study for exams or when they took exams - so just because your child might need them now - does f mean they will need them all the time.

Thanks for your message - I will definitely start looking at the diet and how to ensure she’s getting enough. I am feeling quite down about the whole thing as she has ended up in a class with some girls who like to put her down. I was hoping she’d be moved away from them. It’s tough because the school see a brash extrovert but she’s actually incredibly low on confidence.

In case you have not come across it, this is very good and relatively in depth:
Russell Barkely has written several books on ADHD. This course, developed by King's College London, is also very informative: https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/understanding-adhd

I would talk to the school's SEN. Clearly, it is unacceptable that other girls are having a go at your daughter (possibly for ADHD related behaviours?). What measures can/have they put in place to support your daughter? Have you made the school aware that your daughter is masking? In my experience, school will still think your daughter is self-confident and the way they see her, but I would still give it a shot.

I would keep in mind that even if children realise the impact their behaviour has on friendships, their learning, and others' learning, they are usually still unable to control themselves. Medication can be incredibly helpful.

Thanks - this is helpful. I have spoken to school a lot but I don’t think they can see past it.

feels like they’ve put her in a class with all the teachers that don’t seem to get it. She had an amazing teacher last year and I was really hoping she would still have them but for that subject she has another teacher who is not such a great fit unfortunately.

I just feel like I’m going to a lot of effort to see a nutritionist, get medication, some sort of occupational therapy and the school have put no thought into how they could help

Can you ask for a multi-professional meeting? In my experince, it makes a huge difference if professionals support what you are saying. Alternatively. you could ask the OP to put some recommendations into writing.

You could also ask the school why they have chosen to put your child in this class with these teachers. Surely, they are aware of who of their staff "gets it". Maybe there is still some room for movement?

Research suggests that only a tiny fraction of people with ADHD respond to nutritional changes.

I have not watched this, but their resources are often good: https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/what-educators-dont-know-about-adhd/

I have asked for her to move class but as they only found out classes on last day of term and staff is all off now I’ve not made any progress!

DD14 with ADHD and ASD

Mine has a medication which you can take daily, meaning she doesn't have to take it at the weekends or a school holidays.

Maybe this is a good compromise?

It's Elvance.

She has just started methyladeine (sp?) which seems to be too low dose. She wants similar so will keep elvanse in mind. Thanks

How is she getting in with the medication @DesperateADHDMum?

DS has an appointment to discuss medication in a couple of weeks. His type os mainly inattentive.

It’s too weak so has had no impact - but on the plus side no side effects either!

You're very good to be looking for plus sides. Have you got a review scheduled?

Not for 3 weeks but I’m trying to move it forward. I don’t see the point of her taking it if it has no impact

My Ds went on meds . You might find it more noticeable at school. My Ds once on meds though year 5 he managed school so much better .

it does affect his appetite.. but eats loads when it wears off .

Thanks. Will see if it helps when she goes back!