ADHD Teen DD

[ANonnyMice]

Sorry - this is a long one as I'm really not sure what to do.

I have a DD14 in Y9. She's high IQ with severe dyslexia, and I'm 99.9% certain will tick all the boxes for an ADHD diagnosis (probably combined, but definitely more ADHD than ADD).

There's a very strong family history on my side with multiple cousins with either ADHD or ASD or both. I am BPD Type 2 and having done a lot of reading up, suspect I'm probably ADD myself.

I started trying to go down the diagnosis path when she was in Y5 - and primary were initially a bit hmmm about it until they did some research into what it looks like in girls rather than boys. Just as we were getting somewhere in Y6, lockdown hit and that put a stop to everything.

Y7 and much of Y8 also affected by Covid. Endless homeschooling and quarantine periods meant it was hard to teachers to get to know any of the kids, and GP was basically shut. So, I put everything on hold and just did my best from websites and books... and hoped that maybe puberty and maturing age wise might make things a bit better.

Now we are in Y9 and I think she's struggling...

Sleep - this is the baby/toddler that never napped and never slept. I gave up on bedtime battles at 3 and just said she could stay up late as long as it was doing something quiet after 9pm. She's always gone to bed around midnight and it worked pretty well until this year - now she says she can't sleep as her mind won't stop whirring. Spoke to my siblings who all recommended melatonin gummies (GP has no appointments so just ordered online from the US). This has worked pretty well, but can she stay on them forever?

Fidgeting - has never been able to sit still for a second - was a runner as a young child, and now just never stops dancing, tapping, moving. Drives me utterly insane if I am sitting next to her. Have a house full of fidget toys, bluetac etc but it's relentless.

School - DD is extremely charming and teachers all love her (thank goodness) but all are struggling with a child who aces CAT tests and is clearly very bright, but has consistently scored far below her potential since day 1. She has top grade targets for GCSE and is currently nowhere near them.

She appears to turn up to lessons, looks as if she's attentive and organised and then leaves having retained precisely nothing of what she was taught. She has exams coming up and I gave her the revision schedule and it was as if every topic was something she had never heard of before that moment.

The dyslexia massively complicates things, but even so, I am at a complete loss as to how she has managed to learn nothing all year whilst being there!

Her EF is appalling and I am concerned about her increasing worries and anxiety levels - especially given my being bipolar.

I've approached the GP and currently they can't even give me an initial appointment with them to discuss anything.

I am guessing any kind of NHS referral is likely to be months even with the family history.

Would I be better to just find the money and go for a private diagnosis? We are prepared to medicate (I've seen the difference in my nephews and nieces). Are there any recommendations for private providers in London? (Siblings are overseas or other parts of the UK so not of help).

Will add that I'm slightly concerned about how we get the schools bit ticked off.

I don't get to speak to the staff at secondary like I did at primary and she has 2 teachers for most subjects so nobody with a great over-view.

She does have a mentor/counsellor at school who has apparently suggested that she look at getting an ADHD diagnosis, so he obviously thinks something is up (she only told me this a few days ago) but I'm not sure that he would count for assessment purposes? Does it need to be an actual teacher?

@ANonnyMice If you can get the money together I'd advise going private. My DD is two years older (autistic and ADD, and suspected dyslexia) and we also felt so much time has been lost especially with Covid. My DD ended up going down a year and started a new school. She's just been diagnosed with ADD and has been on Concerta just over a month, she wouldn't want to be without it as she can already see the difference it has made. With the workload of GCSEs coming up it helps enormously. We went private (referred ourselves) and they contacted the school to complete the forms. Her school hardly noticed a thing as she is expert at masking and well behaved, but I had so much evidence from her younger years that she got her diagnosis. Your description of your DD sounds familiar - my DS 20 is also diagnosed. BTW we have to go through a psychiatrist for a melatonin prescription (paid for by NHS) given DDs age.

Thanks so much for your reply. I think the NHS system is just going to take too long - hopefully I can find a private provider who is prepared to then do shared care if we end up medicating so I'm not totally bankrupted.

We've got 2 years till GCSEs and I really don't want to be finally getting somewhere just about when she takes the exams.

Good to know that you still got somewhere even with masking in school and being well behaved.

I'm hoping some of the early stuff might be useful. We were referred to CAMHS when she was 18 months old for a combination of severe separation anxiety and massively high conflict relationship with me, and saw them weekly for over a year. DD has always had an insane need to be in charge and in control - evidenced in pretty much every school report at primary as well as external activities, as it leads to conflicts with both adults and other children. However she is generally seen as very well behaved.

We also saw the Ed Psych at school for the same thing as well as the dyslexia. I did raise the ADHD idea with them, but she had the Ed Psych round her little finger by then and she just thought she was "utterly adorable" (try being her parent!) and laughed at the idea.

@ANonnyMice I'm afraid I don't have great faith in educational psychologists - DD saw one aged 9 and all they came up with was slow processing! Never mind that their report had noticed pointers for ASD, ADD and dyslexia...... Having read it again in hindsight it is shocking! Although it was 7 years ago so perhaps research wasn't so enlightened.

Interesting about the separation anxiety. Mine both had it quite severely but the Health Visitors glossed over it and I just had to battle on alone. However we didn't have much conflict, I just didn't realise how dependent they were on me at the time. My son was always one for being in control because he couldn't cope with other people's rules as he didn't understand them - more ASD though.

As for teachers - you're quite right that in lockdown they didn't get to know their pupils. Both of mine went under the radar even before lockdown, the psychologist did note that perhaps their ASD traits balanced out the ADD ie not wanting to draw attention to themselves. With regards to girls it does seem that there is a bit more awareness now of the different ways girls present, so hopefully you will find an enlightened psychologist to help. DD just pretended to carry on working even though her brain had given up 40 mins into the lesson. I wouldn't worry about the opinions of those you've encountered so far, you know your daughter best. My two children certainly masked all the way through school and nobody there ever saw through it. Unfortunately it wasn't until crisis point that we uncovered all this - through our own research.

We've managed to get all their medication with shared care fortunately. We have to see a psychiatrist regularly to review but the GP pays for the prescription.

Ours was through school and was great in the sense of getting the dyslexia diagnosis done, a battery of test results and recommending things like sitting at the front and using a laptop - so all documented.

But she assured me the dyslexia was mild - so I assumed it was much like my brother and husband: a bit useless at spelling, and so I wasn't very proactive. Got a massive shock in Y6 when a number of selective schools announced her dyslexia was far too severe for them to consider giving her a place. Went to see the HT who came back a couple of hours later and said, yep, she's on the moderately severe to severe end of the scale... absolutely not mild.

So now I am a lot more sceptical of what gets written!