How to get my DD to lose weight.

[Teendiet]

My 15 year old DD is really struggling.

She is overweight and absolutely hates herself.
She regularly says that she wants to die and will punch herself and bang her head against the wall.

She has massive anxiety and doesn’t want to ever leave the house.
Her anxiety gets so bad that she makes herself vomit with worry and stress.

She does go to school (mainstream) but her attendance is quite poor as we’ll be walking out of the door and she’s vomiting all over the floor and her uniform.

She copes ok at school but definitely masks and then unleashes it as soon as she gets home.
She is very well behaved at school but won’t join in hardly any activities at school or anything that will cause people to look at her. She also refuses to eat or drink at school.

It’s a viscous cycle as she doesn’t do any sports clubs or anything because she’s so self-conscious.

I have not taken her to the gp as I think this will make her worse and I don’t ever mention her weight.

Unfortunately, I was raised on a very limited diet due to my mums MH condition and so although I eat healthy now, it doesn’t come as easy to me as it would other people.

When I want to lose weight I’ll just massively reduce the amount I eat and just eat the absolute bare minimum.
I know this isn’t healthy so with my DD I have been trying to do it slowly and in a healthier way but she doesn’t seem to be losing much if anything weight.

My DD has food sensory issues and mainly eats beige food and I’m struggling how to make her diet healthier and help her lose weight as all of the things I’ve read say things like salmon and avocado which she would never touch.
She does like fruit but not veg.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions please?

What would be a healthy diet for a 15 year old, especially one who likes beige food?

Could you get more active with her - just the two of you doing something not too crowded and where she’ll feel less self conscious?
So lots of walking - maybe you could find some really nice places to walk in your area or go on adventures in famous places to walk?

Or maybe a sport like badminton or squash - where it’s just the two of you so no pressure.
Does she cycle - could you do that together?

With regards to diet, it’s just really hard at that age anyway- with hormones and cravings etc.

Maybe you could cook together - and maybe look at (if affordable for your family) the pre prepped meal delivery companies like Mindful chef, Gousto etc?
They all pre-portioned in quantity and focus on healthy stuff and it takes away the stress of meal planning.

Do any of those things sound like she might be able to manage them or want to give them a go?

We have been doing walking and I’m hoping with the weather getting better we can do more if it.

She would like to play a sport like badminton but there’s no where we can do it with no people around and she wouldn’t even do it in the garden.

I’m hoping if she loses a bit of weight she will gain a bit more confidence and then do things like that to keep active.

We don’t cycle but I might keep an eye out for a bike for sale and encourage her to try it.

I think giving the meal boxes a go are a great idea and would maybe encourage her to try new things.

Thank you very much for your suggestions. They are very helpful.

If she’s open with you about feeling down about being overweight, instead of never mentioning it, you could maybe chat to her about it and suggest you plan the week’s meals together. If you find the meal boxes work for a some/all of the time for main meals, then it’s only brekkies and lunches to plan. If she’s keen to lose weight, she might be motivated to make a plan of what she’ll eat for the week ahead.

If you do it as a family, she won’t feel unsupported and like she’s doing something just because she’s overweight - it’ll be everyone doing it as a way of living a healthy lifestyle, as opposed to specifically losing weight.

It's so difficult isn't it. My DD loves beige food, it's always the same isn't it, no surprises fir them to deal with.

The Community Paediatric team were looking to see if we can have some support with ARFID. Is this something that you've explored?

If she's vomiting before going into school, is she really coping with Mainstream school? Have you discussed other possibilities with her?

A healthy diet for a 15 year old wound look like this. Are there any tweaks that you can put into place after reading that? What does she drink? Would she be willing to swap at least one drink a day for water? It might be worth asking if she can have an appointment with a dietitian who specialises in ASD. Is she taking a daily vitamin? This can sometimes cut down in cravings.

Agree also with the PPs. Would she be willing to expertise at home with the curtains drawn so that nobody would see her?