How do I teach this level of independence

[Creativebee]

I don’t know if my subject line is correct but here goes.

DD (16) has complex health issues and SN, she’s quite dependent on me for almost everything, although I’m trying my hardest to help her develop some independence. I thought it would be best to start with hygiene first and get her showering herself so I started it off slow, firstly being there to help when she needed it but guide her (you need to put shampoo in your hair, now rinse etc). This went ok, not great but ok but then she started to say she didn’t want me in the shower room with her, which I respected and I told her I would be outside just incase she needed me.

The showers now last nearly 2 hours and she’s using one bottle of head and shoulders (the large 400ml) and one large bottle of shower gel a week, don’t even get me started on face wash and intimate wash! Obviously with the cost of living this is costing me a fortune with the gas, electricity and toiletries bills. It’s now causing huge problems because DD isn’t for reasoning and I can’t seem to get her to understand that what she is doing is not sustainable.

If she’s not showering then she’s running the tap to flannel wash and that can take up to 40 minutes. How do I rectify this? She’s had a major outburst today because I told her that I would be buying bars of soap from now on and if the last two bottles of shampoo don’t last her until end of February I won’t be buying anymore until February. Obviously her anxiety has rocketed and she’s had a meltdown. I just don’t know what to do.

Can you decant into portion size bottles / tubs?
Maybe not cutting right back in one go but reducing over a period of time?

Would she understand a timer or set of timers, each one indicating time to move to a new body area?

'Intimate' wash is a con isn't it?

When I have “portioned” she just grabs more from the cupboard, when I’ve hidden her stuff, she’ll grab mine (she likes certain smells, I’ll use whatever is on offer but if she can’t get hold off her stuff she’ll use mine), obviously there’s only so much you can hide. I’m thinking I might do a reward chart and use a timer, timers are hit and Miss so I’ll try but the toiletries is a nightmare.

Sneakily dilute the toiletries?

😂😂😂 this could, maybe just, possibly work. I might see how the head and shoulders reacts with diluting.

Decanting in to a pump dispenser (or you can get head and showers with a pump top) might reduce usage. I don’t think it would solve the problem though.

I was discussing this with DH (not the first time, seems to be the only thing we seem to be talking about recently) and he said that there must be an underlying reason/issue because DD constantly asks if she smells or will complain about feeling sweaty. She is extremely sensitive to certain things on her, cooking smells or if she has residue from plasters on her it will agitate her to the point she will have a meltdown. I just don’t know who to talk to about it because most professionals seem to dismiss it but the problem is very real to DD. I actually feel really upset writing that because it makes it more of a psychological thing than just a feeling (don’t know if that makes sense)

It may well be a sensory issue. Has DD had an OT assessment? As well as sensory issues an OT assessment would help with independence and self help skills.