Autism Diagnosis

[handholdin]

My DS who is 18 has been diagnosed with Autism. We got the results back today and really don't know how to feel.

The back story is we thought it was social anxiety and he had some counselling at school last year in September. His behaviour for the last 2 years has been really challenging refusing to speak to me or DH and only communication was through younger DS. After he finished his A levels in June we started having family counselling and he also had 1 to 1 counselling. It was through this that they suspected autism which is why we had the assessment done privately. They have recommended that he has 1 to 1 therapy with a psychologist specialising in autism but said that this shouldn't be short term he would need it over longer term.

I just don't know what to do now try to arrange a psychologist? He would need to get in touch with university to see if he could access any support. Just wanted to speak to anyone else who has or is going through this and any advice on what support we can get him.

Bump

@handholdin DS now nearly 20 was diagnosed aged 17 following a breakdown/autistic burnout, just about managed to get through A Levels. DD (then 14) was also diagnosed 6 months later and again had autistic burnout. I suspect your son has been struggling but unable to put it into words and discuss it with you. My son at his worst during Covid, so limited help was available for us! He did have a few sessions of counselling with the psychologist who diagnosed him (private) but otherwise we've been supporting him by just talking with him when he needs it. He was relieved he had been diagnosed as it answered his question as to why he was different. He is quite happy doing his own thing and now comfortable in his own skin. He accepts he might not fit in with certain people but he is capable of to passing the time of day with them if he has to. Has your son accepted the diagnosis? Does he need to understand more about why it impacts on him? I wouldn't say my son would have benefited from long term therapy, but I suppose it depends whether your son has accepted the diagnosis or whether he needs help learning certain skills to help him in the wider world. My son initially needed help getting over the trauma of school and understanding why he couldn't cope there.

DS started Uni last October and came home after one week unable to cope... we encouraged him to contact someone there - fortunately the college he is at gives everyone a wellbeing director to contact, and he put DS in touch with the mental health nurse who met with him every fortnight and gave him great support. He also calls me everyday to keep in touch! Also turns out he had ADHD and has just started medication for that which has been amazing for him with regards to organisation and focus. He is now in his second year and has joined several clubs which he loves because he has something in common with the other people. When applying for a grant my son also applied for other help (can't remember the details though) and got a mentor although I don't think he needed her that much in the end.

You say you don't know how to feel. Have you accepted it? We had two children diagnosed within a short space of time so I understand it takes a while to get used to. Read lots, talk with him and call the uni to see what they can provide. When your children have a diagnosis it is OK to speak on their behalf - sometimes they can't ask for help or even go about finding it, they don't even know what help they need. We are reticent to get involved sometimes because they are now adults but they still need us.

Thanks for the reply @VMJ1. We have accepted the diagnosis and it is a relief in many ways as it explains a lot of things we couldn't understand. The problem is DS won't speak to us about it or anything else for that matter. It is like throwing your head against a brick wall you can't make someone talk to you. He is suffering from anxiety which they say is a symptom of he autism. He started university in September but went to the local one where he can commute everyday. He did get an offer at another university which was top ranking for his course but he didn't want to move away from home which seems to make sense now what his reasons were. The anxiety is stopping him living his life to the full he goes to university for his lectures and then comes straight home avoiding any social contact with anyone. This is the reason we feel he would benefit from the therapy but he has to be willing to do it otherwise there is no point.

@handholdin Difficult one. However my son also had difficulty settling in at first. He is an hour away and came home every weekend (we had to pick him up) for the first term. He couldn't face lectures at first because he was overwhelmed but they were still online then fortunately. As he started to become more comfortable there he began to talk to people. There was a particular club he was interested in (the one sport he did) so he went along and was amazed how friendly they were which gave him the confidence to join another couple of clubs. Please find out if there is support available for him there. Universities must be much more aware of the difficulties they are facing now especially when they have additional needs. My son's college has been so helpful. His anxiety is now much less - although still has the odd occasion where he rings me in a panic.

I would imagine your son is perhaps still bottling up lots of feelings that he doesn't yet understand. My DD in particular didn't understand what was going on at first, and what the problems really were. She had months off school and was quite depressed. It took a long time for us to regain her confidence and trust and for her to believe we were on her side and that we loved her and we were trying to understand what she was going through. There was a lot of trauma to do with school and friendships and fitting in there as well as being terrified of the teachers, as well as feeling she wasn't important to us.

You're right, the therapy won't work if he doesn't want to go but on the other hand you have to start somewhere. If he doesn't want to talk to you, perhaps talking to someone outside the home will help. It may take time for a therapist to gain his trust though. Reassure him you are finding him a therapist because you love him and want to help him. One bit of advice though, make sure the therapist is happy to communicate with you as his parents, my DD had one who seemed to work against us, so choose them carefully.