Autistic adult - Breaking the routine

[Spoldge45]

Hi, I wondered if anyone has any experience (hopefully positive!) of when an autistic person, an adult has had to break their daily routine & how did it go?

I have a situation where my parents are getting older & are getting to the stage where they need some help with certain tasks.

There is only myself & my brother. My brother is 32 lives alone & has moderate autism. He is fit and healthy, drives & has his own car, but struggles with social situations.

I work 4 days a week & have a 13yr old daughter so I help them as much as I possibly can at weekends & on my day off but due to work, I can't be around all of the time.

My brother doesn't work or have any children, so has plenty of free time, but he currently spends 15+ hours a day plus writing down train numbers, entirely his choice, he only leaves his flat to get food shopping.

He has had this same routine for around 10yrs now.

At the moment it's not personal care they need, its more things like, taking them to medical appointments, picking up food shopping, helping with gardening etc..

I'd really like for my brother to be able to help with this and I also think it would be good for him to get out & about a bit more and see a bit of life, but obviously his autism is a major factor. He pretty much lives as a complete recluse, he doesn't a tv or internet, he has a has a basic mobile phone, but very rarely switches it on and so it's very different for me to even broach this subject.

I'm worry a lot as I know I won't be able to manage my parents alone especially as they get older & need more care.

I'm just wondering if it's even worth trying to broach this with him? and if he even could break his routine, I worry that it's just to entrenched now.

Not that its really relevant, but parents financially support my brother, plus he get's UC.

Just wondered if anyone has any experience with anything similar?

Thanks in advance..

I think it would need to be very slow steps with asking your brother to alter his routine, if he’s even willing to change it.

However, it might be worth seeing if there is any local free/cheap help you could find for your parents - a student who will help with the garden for their D of E award etc.

In the first instance, I think finding extra support for your parents will be faster and easier than throwing your brother in at the deep end.
Could you perhaps get your parents to incorporate a little visit once a week, building up to more, to your brother’s house….even if it’s only to drop off a magazine for him, or wouldn’t they be able to do that with their own needs?

Or maybe you could start with something very small where your brother drops round to their house just for a cup of tea etc. Either before or after his train numbers time….so he doesn’t feel it’s interrupting his day. If he’s not easily able to alter his routine, I think expecting him to suddenly start helping out is going to be too much for him.

Then I would perhaps look at your local council’s website to see if they could offer anything in the way of support for your brother - if he wants it.
There might be a day centre he would manage to get to and meet people like him who he could socialise with. He might like the solitude though and be perfectly happy not to interact.

Or if that’s too much, how about asking your brother round to your house to babysit (if he’s able) whilst you go and help your parents out for a bit.
Or could be take his train numbers with him to your parents and he could make them a cuppa and do his train numbers there to start with, and then perhaps build up to helping them with little tasks?

I agree with Verbena, start with very small steps. Has DB had a social care assessment? For your parents look to see if they are eligible for patient transport for medical appointments.