Homework refusal and GCSE

[BrambleyHedge]

Please tell me your positive stories of ND children, homework refusal and still getting some GCSEs as I am about to crack. DS 14 has ASD and possibly ADHD (say possibly because on never ending waiting list). He had a few days off sick, is behind and now refusing to do any homework. He is blanking me and just has head in hands. Last year he had covid and we had two weeks off school and homework refusal and I thought we were in a better place but seems not. School are supportive but it is a high achieving school and we get messages saying we need to work with them to get him to do it. I am trying but we are ending up both in tears or shouting at each other which helps noone. Sorry if this is rambley - just so stressed, in tears and no idea what to do. What happens if he screws up his GCSEs 😞

Is there a homework club at school? Or can DS drop a subject or two and use the time to complete homework for other subjects?

To catch up on notes missed whilst of sick you could ask school if it’s possible to get a copy of someone else’s notes.

There are college courses for all levels so if DS doesn’t do so well at GCSE it isn’t the end of the world.

Thanks. There is but he refuses to go. I could ask about the notes but he is just refusing to do anything and giving me silent treatment. I guess I have to just accept that maybe he won't be able to stay for sixth form and he will still be fine. Thanks for replying.

My daughter is 16 …at the end of a long road with her ASD diagnosis. She hardly went into school Y10 & Y11… did not do any home learning / homework.

Left with 5 GCSE passes, including Maths & English

Even if he passes nothing there will be college courses out there.
He can do a 1 year Level 2 BTEC, and if he does well enough then a further 2 years at Level 3. Do well enough on a Level 3 Extended Diploma BTEC you can still go to university.

As it turns out my DD left with no passes due to MH issues, and she is on a Level 1 course.

If he hasn't needed an EHCP up to now have a think as to what he would actually cope with post y11 and whether he will need adjustments etc and make sure you talk with SENCOs sooner rather than later (I mean maybe not yet, but don't set him up to fail).

Thanks for the replies. I work for a University which helps a bit with perspective and I think maybe that won't be for him but maybe the BTEC/T level or apprenticeship route may be. I think school will manage him out for sixth form despite being very supportive at the moment.

Sounds as though his needs aren’t being met by the school. If they were, it’s more likely he’d be coping.

Can you ask if you can differentiate the homework?
I did this for DS when he was in yr 8 and it was much less stressful. Homework that should have taken him 15-30 mins was taking 3 hours due to his rigidity and very literal brain. It was a melt down every night after school.
I know that wasn’t his gcse years but saying to school about you being able to differentiate the work might be more helpful - it also means they will be able to see what he could cope with/not cope with.

ds1's school (ASC specialist secondary) never gave them any homework and he still managed to get a good range of GCSEs. Once he decided that he wanted to go to a mainstream sixth form he did do some revision at home but this was only maybe started a few weeks before the Easter holiday of his exam year. Basically he worked when he had the motivation or goal to aim for. So perhaps if you or school can do some careers work with him that might incentivize him.

DS2 largely refused to do his homework (and not much of his classwork either to be honest). He also went to a high performing mainstream school with an EHCP, and is diagnosed with ASD and ADHD (inattentive type).

We picked our battles, and said that as long as he learned the stuff in the revision books (which we helped with) and watched some relevant YouTube videos etc we would be more relaxed with the day to day stuff as he just got very stressed with it all.

He got 9 GCSEs including maths and English, and is now doing three A levels - which he's having the same problems with - but he wanted to do them!

I think you should definitely approach school again with your concerns. And also remind them that his struggles with homework are due to his additional needs not him being lazy or difficult. I know Ds's GCSE English teacher told us at one point he didn't have to do the homework as she was aware of the distress it was causing. Reasonable adjustments can be made.

Ds is 18 autistic and homework through his secondary school years was a constant battle. Normally ending in severe meltdowns. As far as he was concerned school was school and home was home and you don't mix them at all. Covid put a stop to his GCSEs, so that solved the issue of homework then. He started A Levels and never did any homework. Couldn't cope at all in the mainstream environment and now attends a specialist placement. He's doing a BTEC and one GCSE. And so far he's never brought even one piece of work home to do, despite his study being course work heavy. It seems to be all completed onsite. Which works better for him.

I didn't see I had some more replies to this - thanks! We have had some ups and downs but he is back to having daily SEND support, teachers are cutting him some slack, and he dropped a subject which has freed up some private study time when he can do homework. He is often late for school as he gets very anxious but he goes straight to SEND and they seem to sort him out and get him back on track. Still not sure he will be able to sustain effort to GCSEs but in much better place than when I first posted. I think he needs to recognise when he needs help and seek it as it does seem to be there but they assume all is well if he doesn't go to see them. It is a very traditional school and I think that the formal structures oddly suit him but expectations are high and he takes them very literally, hence the anxiety. I just wish that every morning I didn't have to wake up wondering if he'd actually make it to school. Thanks again for all the helpful advice and sharing of experience - it does help.

Does DS have an EHCP? If not you should request an EHCNA. IPSEA have a model letter on their website you can use.

DS is of similar age (Y10) and has had confirmed diagnoses of ADHD and ASD over the past year. School have been brilliant with accommodating his learning. He gets additional hours of maths and English tutoring (dropped him out of his modern language to do so) and we try to do bits of revision at home---but it is hard to keep him engaged. He is shattered when he gets home from school, so on a good week, the best we can do is hope for is 45min-1 hour a couple days a week. Lots of YouTube videos and BBCBitesize are brilliant for revision of topics he never seems to get at school.

We're hoping for the best in his exam results next year, but it could be a bit of a crapshoot one way or the other how they go. I recall having a similar convo during y6 SATs season with his teachers. They really didn't know how the wind would blow when it came to the exams, or whether he would be even capable of passing. In the end, he got there (barely). But he got there.