Dd20 seems to have regressed help

[blackheartsgirl]

dd had a late diagnoses at at 16, she struggled all her life, in the past year we’ve had bereavement (her beloved stepdad died), she’s had a relationship break up and she’s now taken a year out of uni where she was doing quite well both socially and course work wise.She had plans of learning to drive, getting a job and seemed happy about being home again.

however The last month she’s refused to do anything unless she wants to. She’s stopped her driving lessons, has refused to look for a job saying she can’t because it’s too much out of her comfort zone. She’s ill, she has a he ache that day, she’s tired etc. she won’t leave the house unless she comes in the car with me (although she did go down to South Wales over the weekend to see a friend, she was fine with that)she just plays in her computer all day and gets arsy when I ask her for help round the house, I work full bloody time!

she won’t apply for universal credit saying she can’t be bothered, I’ve offered to help her but no she just screams at me to fuck off

.she is on antidepressants and also she’s gone very childlike, she gets obsessions with things, always has but now she is obsessed with a kids cartoon programme, has bought teddies and will take them wherever she goes in public, and strokes them and wants to dress like this particular character.

im at a loss tbh. I’m torn between being very worried about her and wanting to shake her, she’s bright and funny, articulate and we’ve had some brilliant conversations but the heck do I do?

Sorry forgot to add late diagnoses of asd

@blackheartsgirl It sounds to me as though she has got to burnout stage. My son had an ASD diagnosis age 17 after he'd had a breakdown whilst beginning his A levels. He had stormed through his GCSE's, completed silver D of E, other activities at school, then we had two family bereavements and he collapsed with autistic burnout. He regressed as well but we had no idea what was happening as we didn't know about him being autistic at the time - we only found that out a year later as we were going into Covid lockdowns when he first broke down and couldn't access any help. He has now recovered and starting to thrive after a year of uni and has just passed his driving test. However he has no idea how he managed to do everything he did aged 16 given his diagnosis (now also ADHD as well). Perhaps everything has become too much for your daughter after the two losses in her life and she needs to take some time out to process everything. My son benefitted from counselling and lots of talking with us to get everything out in the open. Has she come to terms with her autism? Does she have any trauma caused by the late diagnosis? My son found that his diagnosis answered lots of questions caused by not knowing about his autism and getting through school without any accommodations. But whilst burnout he had no capacity to do anything that he didn't want to, those things took too much energy which he didn't have. Your daughter managing to see her friend doesn't surprise me as it was probably something she was desperate to do and therefore recharged her rather than drained her.