Sorry you've not had any reply as yet @Silverwaring
As she's fairly recently diagnosed, I'm guessing you're not familiar with how ADHD and ASD can affect her daily living, so I apologise in advance if I'm telling you things you already know. I'd guess you have been helping her by providing interventions without being aware that's what you were doing since she was small.
Her diagnostic reports should contain a lot of information about her difficulties, but you may have to read them a few times alongside the websites I've suggested so you can see the extent of the difficulties she faces.
I find Purple Ella's Purple Ella's YouTube videos very helpful - she has ASD and ADHD - in explaining some instances of how my daughter experiences the world and reacts to it. They've helped me to help her.
Does she have PIP, if so, you'll have described everything she can and can't do for daily living and mobility on her form.
With that in mind, why don't you all sit down and try to find a way for her to develop some lifeskills that she could manage after you are all on the same page with understanding her capabilities.
She can’t answer the front door or telephone (not even to a family member)
Same for my DD.
now is asking to also eat in her room
Is it because she's overwhelmed by the sounds of other people eating? Look up Misophonia and if so, consider getting her some Flare Calmers or similar products to help her sound-sensitivity.
She does nothing in the house, can’t fold a towel. If I mention it, she either flies of the handle or walks away.
Re the can’t fold a towel Does she have dyspraxia? DD can't fold anything or put clothes on hangers 'correctly'.
Re She does nothing in the house have you ever explained to her in detail what goes into the general running of the household, the daily tasks, the planning involved in tasks, the 'seeing' tasks that need to be done, prioritising tasks etc?
She'll have Executive Function difficulties, sequencing, task planning, processing speed, problems understanding instructions and may well be super-sensitive to any perceived criticism etc.
If you ask her to do something like tidy her room, which to you is a simple instruction, but without giving her framework of exactly how she needs to do all of the tasks involved in that, then you're likely to find her not able to tidy her room because she doesn't know where to start, how to sequence the steps involved in it etc.
Additude Magazine has lots of useful information
The OT Toolbox is a mine of information about all sorts of interventions for sensory and other needs.
Lives in the Balance and the book The Explosive Child both by Dr Ross Greene give a lot of insight into parenting skills for what a lot of people see as 'challenging behaviour' and how to co-operatively use different skills and understanding, rather than the traditional and very NT usual type of parenting.
Neurodiverse kids are very often emotionally about two thirds of their chronological age, so do cut her some slack for that and whenever you think 'Well at her age she should be able to understand or do ...' stop and take a deep breath and realise that she may not be able to do that - yet.
One final thing, do read up about Masking, that's when she'll be trying so hard to fit in with her peers by pretending to be like them. It's exhausting and sometimes she'll be acutely aware that she's very different, but anxiously trying to be the same as them, and not understanding their rejection.
Do reinforce as much as you can that being different is NOT wrong, being different can be inspirational. It's absolutely fine to be different, differences can be celebrated. 