DS, 14, at risk of permanent exclusion - what can I do?

[winterrabbit]

We were told that DS, 14 years and in Year 9, is at risk of permanent exclusion from the state secondary where he has been since last June. He has a history of behavioural issues which mainly involve not following instructions, being rude to teachers, being late to lessons and, more recently, truanting from lessons when in school. He has worked his way though the school's behaviour system and is has been on report to a deputy head-teacher. His behaviour really improved for a month or so before all falling apart just before the Easter break over an incident where DS was wearing the incorrect uniform and refused to change. The school are now saying that he is on his last chance and if he doesn't significantly improve after Easter will move to exclude.

By way of background, DS was an independent school until last April when we were basically asked to move him due to very similar issues. Around the same time, I got DS assessed for ADHD and finally got a diagnosis in late April. It then took ages to get medication and another school sorted but he started at his current school last June and started taking medication last September although has been on a really low dose which may be why it doesn't seem to have much of an impact.

DS is happy at the school, has lots of friends and doesn't want to move. Academically, he is doing well and in the top sets. His behaviour, however, is a massive issue and he simply will not change. No amount of nagging from me, rewards/punishments, mentoring/counselling/psychotherapy (we've tried them all) makes any difference. He just does what he wants both in school and at home. I can't seem to get through to him and, although he understands he is likely to get excluded, he simply cannot seem to change his behaviour. Unfortunately, because he has had so many chances, I fear it will just be another incident of refusing to do what the school asks and that will be it.

Can anyone advise me on what I can do to help my son? I've agreed with CAMBs that we will increase the dose of his medication which I hate to do but feel like we have to try everything. What can I expect from the school? They seem to be moving to exclude very quickly and do not seem to have taken account of his ADHD. They mentioned a managed move but not sure if we should go for that or try to make it work where he is.

Any thoughts or advice very welcome.

Does DS have an EHCP? If not, you should apply for an EHCNA, IPSEA have a model letter you can use. If he does, ask for for early review, IPSEA also have a model letter for this.

Have there been fixed term exclusions?

A managed move could prevent a permanent exclusion and they do work for some DC. If you don’t agree to a managed move the school may try to move forward with the PEX so DS may not remain at th3 same school anyway. It would help if additional support was in place though.

Hi Imitating, yes, there have been a number of fixed term exclusions. What is a EHCNA? I can try to apply for an EHCP but not sure he'll get one. He just needs a school with more flexibility really rather than specific support.

No school is going to be ok with a pupil "just doing want he wants" unless what he wants to do is very closely aligned with what they are asking. And not following instructions is not going to be ok in any educational setting anywhere. I guess a more relaxed setting might engender less conflict but it honestly depends on the behaviours he's exhibiting. Is it things like not wanting to wear a tie, or things like not being able to work independently and without disturbing others? Or is it more he cant cope with all he demands of full time education and needs something more part time?

all the demands...

@Porcupineintherough

No school is going to be ok with a pupil "just doing want he wants" unless what he wants to do is very closely aligned with what they are asking. And not following instructions is not going to be ok in any educational setting anywhere. I guess a more relaxed setting might engender less conflict but it honestly depends on the behaviours he's exhibiting. Is it things like not wanting to wear a tie, or things like not being able to work independently and without disturbing others? Or is it more he cant cope with all he demands of full time education and needs something more part time?

And your point is what? Asking for advice not a lecture or to be told things I already know.

An EHCNA is the needs assessment prior to the LA deciding whether to issue an EHCP or not. A child who has been asked to leave an independent school and then had a number of FTE and is at risk of a PEX at another school should be entitled to support via an EHCP. A child in DS’s situation needs more than just more flexibility, they need targeted special educational provision. Do apply and if you are refused appeal.

Thanks Imitating. Does applying for an EHCNA not imply that DS can't manage in a mainstream school? Also, what does it mean if he gets one?

Does applying for an EHCNA not imply that DS can't manage in a mainstream school?

No, there are many DC with EHCPs in MS up and down the country. Although if that is what you are worried about if you don’t apply and DS is PEX he may well end up in a PRU anyway.

It implies he needs additional support and his needs aren’t currently being met, which he does otherwise he wouldn’t have been asked to leave one school, had multiple FTE and be at risk of PEX from another.

what does it mean if he gets one?

An EHCNA is a needs assessment which will include assessments such as from an Ed Psych and can also include things like OT and psychiatrist assessments. These will help everyone understand DS’s needs more. An EHCP will set out those needs and the support DS needs to meet those needs.

I would be looking at the medication and a managed move both of which give him the chance for a fresh start. I would also be looking at what else you think could help him. I would get him an EHCP. Why do you hate o increase his meds? I have two dc with asd (one of whom takes some meds which help a little). If I thought there was a medication that would significantly help I would be all over it. We accept medication for physical issues, why are we so against meds for things that affect our behaviour and emotions? As a teacher I have worked with a student whose parents stopped his meds, the consequences were a student whose behaviour spiralled and he was eventually excluded.
Are there any other specialist schools which would suit him better? There may be some SEMH schools which would be more accepting of his behaviour. You would however not get the same academic standards and expectations.

Thanks Cansu, very helpful. I just don't the idea of medicating him although accept that if it can help him then he should take it. He did start on medikanet back in September but it didn't seem to have much impact on his behaviour. His behaviour tends to go up and down anyway and after a good month in December we decided not to increase the dose. Have discussed with CAMHS and we are increasing to 30mg from tomorrow to see if this helps.

Re the managed move, the school said they will see how he goes in the first few weeks back before discussing next steps. Do you think I should push for a managed move straight away or wait? My instinct is to wait although two of the schools the deputy HT would ask are actually much better schools in terms of results and, in one case, SEN support (it has a very strong SENCO team for which it it well known). Both schools are heavily oversubscribed so I very much doubt they would agree to take DS on a managed move. How do managed moves actually work and which schools have to participate? We are in London so any half decent school is heavily oversubscribed. I obviously wouldn't want to move DS to a worse school unless it was the only option to getting excluded.

In terms of what else may help him, I honestly have no idea. I've tried all over Easter to connect with him and motivate him and he says he'll make an effort but I'm not convinced. He's only interested in seeing his friends, trainers and tracksuits! I am honestly dreading trying to get him out of the house every morning (he's always late and we end up arguing) and then receiving calls from teachers. I really don't know what else I can do. He has a mentor outside of school plus tutors, does clubs etc so that he has an outlet for his energy. Just feel powerless to stop him destroying his life.

Winter rabbit managed moves can be helpful. I think that if they have a place it is v difficult to say no to a student. It will be better to have a managed move than an exclusion.

Managed moves don’t follow the same process as in year admissions, instead they are generally agreed locally between the home school and proposed school.

With 2 failed placements already moving without additional support in place is unlikely to solve matters.

Hi OP, sorry to hear you're having to deal with this tough situation.

I previously worked in pastoral care in a mainstream secondary school and this is an all too familiar story. Secondary schools struggle to accommodate children with SEN and/or behaviour issues, but special schools and pupil referral units aren't always the right fit for the child either, so where should they go?!

Does the school have a behaviour/SEN department? I only ask as where I used to work there was a "hub" where students could go to cool off if they were angry, chat to staff, even do some work in a quiet room away from everyone else just to regulate themselves.

Does your son have any key adults in school that support him? Many of the students I worked with came on leaps and bounds in their behaviour once they had a key adult. Don't get me wrong, they absolutely still had their challenges, but it was more manageable as one person dealt with their behaviour. It saved time and meant they felt they had someone on their side, but who was also down to earth enough to say "look, you're taking advantage of this now and you know you're behaving poorly, pull it together!" when they needed it.

Home education might also be an option if it's something that would fit your family, though it's not for everyone. I know the home education community near me is seeing lots of children like your son join as school just isn't working for them in terms of their behaviour.

All the best OP

I wouldn’t electively home educate unless you actually want to because many parents find it harder to get support when not on a school’s roll. Crudely, when on a school’s roll you are someone’s problem and it is much harder for them to brush DC’s needs under the carpet. If school is suitable, MS or SS, then there is EOTAS.

Thanks SpringBlossom, very helpful. These kids seem to really fall through the cracks. From what I read, over 65% of excluded kids have SEN. ADHD in particular is tricky as it can be hard to distinguish between what is ADHD and what is bad behaviour. The deputy head at school pointedly said that he does not think the bad behaviour is caused by ADHD, but that DS is making bad choices. I know what he means, however, I am not sure he is qualified to make that assessment and surely one feeds into the other? One psychologist DS saw, who is very experienced and screened DS for ASD and ADHD told me straight that DS cannot help it, it's not a choice. Just so hard to know what to do to help him.

To answer your questions, DS has formed a good relationship with his head of year and has a mentor at school. He has never had any contact with the SENCO other than a meeting that I requested when DS first joined the school last June to discuss DS's issues. Nothing since. DS is now "on report" to another more senior teacher who is super strict and approach to solving DS's problems is to impose more rules, ie. reporting into him 3 times a day as well as to his teacher at the end of every lesson. For a kid who was already struggling with expectations, increasing the demands is just not going to help.

As for home educating, DS is super social and I would hate for him to miss out on school life so it would really be a last resort for us. Could be better than a PRU! Hopefully it won't come to that but we will have to wait and see. He has had a good few days at school although early days. We've increased his medication and I'm trying to give him loads of encouragement and incentives to just get through the next few weeks.