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is this the Asperger's or just DS being a 20 year old lazy so and so?

7 replies

tricolore · 25/03/2022 13:20

For some colour into DS, has was diagnosed when he was about 9. High Functioning Asperger's and dyspraxia. hH attended main stream schools, suffered quite a lot of bullying and left with 2 GCSEs.

He has a job (they love him) and he drives.

The other day, I asked him to do some washing up. He did just his plate and his cutlery etc. He said he didn't hear me ask him to do everyone else's washing up (fyi, I usually do it and DD or DS put it away but I was going out so I asked DS to wash up and DD to do the putting away)

Yesterday I did some ironing. Before going out, I explained that I'd kindly ironed his bits (mainly T shirts. He did thank me) and asked him to make sure they were all hung up and away. I left them lying over the back of the sofa, neatly, one on top of the other.

When I looked later, he had hung his T shirts up but there were two (DH's T shirts) that had been just chucked back over the sofa, carelessly, and were now creased.

DS couldn't explain why he'd done it. I'm trying my hardest with him, to understand how his brain works.

Could it be the Asperger's? Or are these just signs of laziness and selfishness.

TIA

OP posts:
tricolore · 25/03/2022 18:20

Bump

OP posts:
SausagePourHomme · 25/03/2022 18:23

yes - it's that tunnel vision and taking things very literally (hang your t-shirts up - well he did do that).

tricolore · 25/03/2022 21:42

Thanks SPH
How can I get him to see that it’s not ok?

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 26/03/2022 08:23

Might be better to give him more specific instructions- hang up all the clothes please- than to try and get him to generalise.

What is the aim here? For him to do his share around the house and be considerate of other people? If so you need to spell out what his share is and what "consideration" looks like in your mind.

SausagePourHomme · 26/03/2022 20:44

agree with porcupine

you might find this book helpful, it's a good starting point in understanding.

www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Syndrome-Pocketbook-Ronnie-Young/dp/1903776996?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

UggyPow · 10/04/2022 17:14

My ASD teen would never wash anyone else’s plates, they would have had food on that he wouldn’t touch, just too many triggers.
Also are you querying the fact that he didn’t hang up all the shirts or that he was a bit careless with those that weren’t his? The only items of clothing belonging to others that mine would touch are socks though so he would have stopped as soon as he got to the first item belong8ng to someone else.

InPointofFact · 07/05/2022 21:30

I would say laziness and selfishness... make it clear that living with you as a grown man means that he has to do his fair share

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