Tearful and Overwhelmed

[fatherfurlong]

I have suddenly felt like everything is on top of me and I seem to be sinking……
I am in my early 60’s and have a daughter of 30 with special needs who has a condition that overtime deteriorated. Her condition is one that is very variable but for those who showed signs in infancy like she did the prognosis is poor. Nevertheless she enjoys her life even though her opportunities are limited.
About a year ago when we were in lockdown and we were going out for lots of local walks I thought it would be a good idea to get a rescue dog. It took ages to get one but eventually we got a Romanian rescue pup.
I imagined we would have lots of lovely walks out together and would give us an interest and a chance to get out and meet people in the park.

Now, a year later I have recently been diagnosed with spinal arthritis after 6 months of gradual and more frequent pain. The little puppy we got, who was a mixed breed, has grown to the size of a Labrador. He is extremely nervous when we go out of traffic, noise, children, men etc so I can’t take my daughter out with me( she is in a wheelchair so it would be hard and unsafe to keep an eye on her and control the dog). This means she is stuck in a lot of the time whereas before we got out frequently. My son was keen on getting a dog but has since found a job so is not available and when he gets in from work he is knackered. My husband is very good at helping round the house but didn’t want a dog and even though he will walk him sometimes and poop scoop our garden the dog for some reason has not taken to him so a lot of the time the dog barks and growls at him which of course irritates him.
Just this last week my daughter seems to have caught some bug so has been vomiting. She is dependent on us for all her care and cannot give us any warning when she gets sick so she has spent a good part of this week just sat in an armchair watching TV and covered with a load of towels which can catch the sick to minimise the clean up job.
There is loads of laundry, a tense atmosphere because of the barky dog, I am not sleeping properly and I can’t eat as I have no appetite.
I feel I will have to surrender the dog. I feel bad because he is settled here, follows me around the house etc and will set him backfurther having to make a fresh start somewhere else but I just feel like a perished elastic band being pulled beyond its strength.

Forgot to add, since Covid we have had no respite, for over 2 years. I provide all care at home but a carer we had to look after my daughter at one of her social activities has just left- we had her for 7 years and we both feel bereft.

Its tough but its also straight forward imo. You have more than enough on your plate and you to get your priorities straight and your priorities are not this dog. Its not the right dog for you family, its possible no dog would be right for your family at this point. Rehome the dog, let it find a home where its needs can be more easily dealt with. Be kind to yourself.

It sounds a very exhausting hard draining situation, and you have now found yourself becoming a carer for not only your daughter but also the dog.
I think the kindest thing for YOU not the dog in the long term is to try and Re-home him. And maybe after a break, if you feel up to it getting a smaller and easier dog to manage so you and your daughter can enjoy walks again.
Or if you don't want to re home him look into getting a dog trainer ? Maybe doggy day care for a couple of days a week, could give you a good break, I know dogs can be overwhelming at times.

And aside from the dog and your daughter, is their a hour or two every week to take yourself out, only for yourself.
Just to give yourself time to think and do anything YOU want to do, it doesn't have to cost money could just be a walk, getting a coffee, meeting with friends. Could your husband look after your daughter while you do this ?

Now everything is opening back up are their more activities for your daughter to do and enjoy and give you both a bit of respite and time together.

Hope this helps even just a little bit, sending you a big hug, try and find some time today just for break even if its just a well earned cuppa xX

Thanks for your replies. I felt at a very low ebb when I wrote that post but since then the dog has turned a corner, his behaviour is much improved and because of that my husband is doing more with the dog. Daughter is better and resumed the day activities she goes to.
I do agree with you about the doggy day care though, it would give me and my daughter a chance to do something together outside.
Funny how things can change a little bit and then alter one’s outlook entirely. X