Should I encourage ASD daughter to go away to University?

[mrshoho]

She is 17 and in her first year at sixth form which so far is 100 times better than high school in terms of her anxieties. I would say emotionally her maturity is that of a 14 or 15 year old. She socialises on line at home and rarely goes out with her real life friends but she seems happy and says she likes her own space at college. She has joined the book club and also the LGBQT society so at least she must be talking to people there. The college is already issuing info about uni and getting students prepared but DD has no clue what she wants to do. She has a flair for creative writing/drawing which she spends most of her time online doing but her A levels are biology, chemistry and English Lit. Her targets are AAA but I have no idea if she will realistically achieve this. She has a somewhat fixed mindset and when I attempt to get her to revise at home she says she does it all at college. Her progress report was ACB and she is waiting for her December mocks marks. Would going off to Uni and living away from home be a realistic goal? She loves science but I also think maybe an English/creative writing degree may suit her? She's not interested in medicine but possibly scientific research?

Sorry for the long post and rambling. I'm just a bit worried about the future and our hope is that she will become a happy, independent and financially self sufficient adult.

I have heard that Universities can be great for supporting SN students and with the right help they can achieve and enjoy the experience. She is on higher rate living and standard rate for mobility PIP. We had to do a lot of work with journeys and public transport and she is getting on well although maybe once a week we'll need to go and pick her up or guide her over the phone.

I think it is difficult for any of us to know, as autism is such a spectrum.
I do think that from your last two sentences, it does sound like it would be a huge challenge for her to live away from home and deal with all the practicalities of life.
Depending where you live, is there a good option of University near to you so she could have the option to go to University and live at home if that was right for her when the time came ?

Are there suitable options where you live or within a short distance? It sounds like she will need more support than most 18 year olds even if you think she can live independently. The things you might want to think about are life skills like food shopping, cooking, self care including laundry, keeping herself safe generally (e.g. locking doors), managing finances and what she might do in an emergency. As well as managing her own workload and being in the right place at the right time for lectures etc. If you think she would struggle in these areas then maybe living at home would be best?

I do think she would struggle with all those day to day things. She is capable but has little sense of time. When she's been on her own here for the day she could go all day without eating or drinking as she gets absorbed in whatever she's doing on her laptop. She has missed a couple of college lessons due to not reading her time table properly but now seems a lot better and is more confident getting around. The London Unis are within reach also Brunel so we have those to look into. I wondered if it might be worth deferring for a year to give her more time to mature.

ds1, similar profile, is enjoying his first term at university. The one thing we did is encourage him to choose a university very close to home so that he could come home easily if he needed to for a break. He has only had to do so once so far but but I think knowing that he can relieves some of the stress. We also helped him chose accommodation that was as quiet as it can get in university halls of residence & he has found a society or two to do some social stuff with that he is enjoying. Not sure student services have been that much help to him but that is because he is reluctant to share that he is autistic and ask for help.

That's fantastic @OneInEight. So pleased to hear your Son is enjoying Uni. He's doing very well without needing support. My dd is quite open about her ASD. She was diagnosed late so had little support at school but her sixth form were aware from the start and it has made a big difference. I've been reading about DSA and we will apply for this if she does go as it could provide a mentor who could help with organisation and daily living assistance. That's a good point about choosing a Uni not too far from home. That would be reassuring for us and her.

@mrshoho My 18 year old son (ASD and recovering from a severe burnout) has just survived his first term at Uni. However it is only an hour away and most weekends we picked him up so he could recover for a couple of nights. However he did manage to stay for a few weekends once he was more settled. The DSA were helpful, although for my son, the best help is the mentor. He also has a wonderful nurse on site who he has met several times and she is a great support when he is anxious. He also has a supervising tutor to go to if he isn't coping. We found all this out when he came home after a week convinced he couldn't do it - then found out how he could be better supported.
Worth looking carefully at how the course is run - my son was shocked at first at how unstructured his course is, and having to contact the tutors was difficult at first, but now he has the hang of it, he loves the independence (as opposed to the Sixth Form). I know other courses have much more contact time which is timetabled from the start. Look into accommodation carefully, my son can stay on site for three years and it is fully catered. He also asked for a room in a quiet area. As he says, he can cope with the studying but doesn't have the energy for cooking and shopping as well.

Watching this thread with interest as DD is just beginning to think about which uni she'd like to go to (and I'm beginning to wonder how to choose one where she will cope).

Thank you for that advice @VMJ1 and well done to your Son completing his first term. That's great he has managed some weekends away too. My dd sounds similar in not having the energy left to cook and shop. I sometimes think I'm doing too much for her but I know deepdown she needs the extra support and is at times exhausted mentally after a day in college. I do feel if she finds a degree course that interests her she could fly with it as she would get totally wrapped up in that.

It's a huge step isn't it @chaotica. Does your dd have an idea of what degree she'd like to take? I'm hoping once dd decides we could then do some research and visit some.

@mrshoho Yes, I do so much for my son, but he loves the independence when he goes away, so he manages then! Obviously being fully catered helps... My son is really enjoying his course (Classics) and is finally studying a subject he loves everyday (is 100% wrapped up in it). He says he never feels he has do something he doesn't want to do (unlike A levels!). He is exhausted now it is the holidays, but considering last year we couldn't see him going at all, we are really proud of him for managing to get through the first term.

That is wonderful to hear and you are right to feel so proud. It really give me hope too that it could be possible for my daughter. Thank you!

It is a big step @mrshoho. She is only Y11 but she's being encouraged to start thinking now as she's just had to choose A Levels. She currently likes Computer Science or Physics, but she's also really into writing, art and music, so it could go either way. She is not great with choices, so A Levels have really been stressing her out. (Correction: she's terrible with choices!)

I'm mindful of the fact she might get onto a very good course which is just rubbish for someone with ASD. I need to weigh up the options carefully as she might not be able to. We have no good universities very close by, so I think she'll have to move away and she's far from independent.

It's really good hearing positive stories.

mrshoho DSA doesn’t cover support with daily living tasks, for that you would need to ask for a social care assessment. This outlines what can be provided by non-medical helpers via DSA.

There are pros and cons of both catered and self catered. Self catered means DC have to shop and cook but if DC have food sensitivities associated with their ASD they can eat exactly what they want. Catered means they don’t have to cook but some dining rooms can be noisy, busy and some DC find it stressful going into a full room/not knowing where to sit/not having anyone to sit with.

I agree with Imitatingdory about the dining halls. I think my son got lucky, the dining hall is happy to serve food into their plastic containers, and my son usually eats with his friend in their little kitchen near their rooms, or if he is on his own eats in his room. For breakfast he tends to be the only one in there at 8.15! With his ASD my son is more than happy with his own company, but would hate to sit on his own in the dining hall, and he also shys away from entering a full room on his own. I sent him off to Uni with a saucepan, pasta, soups etc as I was worried he wouldn't be able to eat in the dining hall but he has rarely cooked for himself.