DDnearly 12 possible inattentive ADHD. Sleep issues / low energy

[Fightingsleep44]

Hi,
I've name changed for this in case it's identifying. My DD is nearly 12. Her dad has inattentive ADHD and we' think she may too, although she hasn't been diagnosed. She has always hated bed times, as a baby had 1 nap of 20 mins a day.
My worry is, she seems exhausted all the time. She doesn't have her phone after 8.30pm, but stays up reading, drawing, listening to music until gone 11, I'm often asleep before her as I have an early riser. She then wants to get up early to get ready for school. She really resists sleep, says her brain is too active and she's too awake, this has always been the case, but has got worse with age and her periods starting this summer. After school she's exhausted. Have tried baths, yoga, weighted blankets nothing really works, and she's not motivated enough to make changes like exercising more as she's so tired. Getting her to do homework / revision is like pulling teeth. She has no motivation. Hasn't wanted to do clubs either as too tired. So as not to drip feed we relocated earlier this year, so getting used to new schools and friends could be part of the problem. Apart from the tiredness she seems pretty happy in herself.
Has anyone any ideas for ways to help improve her sleep or energy levels? Does it sound like ADHD, anxiety or just being a tween? Thanks very much in advance.

Is DD awaiting an ADHD assessment? Is she under CAMHS or paediatrics? If so, you could ask for melatonin. If she’s not already under someone I suggest pursuing an ADHD assessment and asking for a referral to a sleep clinic.

The exhaustion after school may not be solely about lack of sleep, if DD is ND she may be masking at school which will take its toll.

Has DD had blood tests recently? You mention it is worse since DD’s periods have started, she could be anaemic. The other possible deficiency to consider is Vit D.

@imitatingdory thanks v much for this. I feel we've missed the boat with the ADHD assessment. Her earlier primary school teachers were concerned about her inattentiveness, and we started the assessment process, but then relocated to a different area. Now she's in secondary I've got her teachers to fill in the SNAP forms as part of the referral process, her profile looks absent minded, but not extreme which is frustrating as I don't think we'd have any chance of getting a diagnosis. CAHMS or paediatrics wouldn't pick up on her issues as they're too minor, but at the same time I feel she does need some support. It's frustrating as there seems to be quite a bit in the media about adult women getting diagnosed with ADHD and wishing it had been picked up earlier! Good point about the vit D as well, will check that out.

Was coming in to ask a sleep question too so will ask here if that’s okay? My DD is 12 and we’ve just started the process for ADHD/ASD diagnosis. She didn’t want to sleep in her own bed last night, instead curled up on the floor outside her sisters’ bedrooms. She is so tired this holiday, in part because we all had covid but also I think she might be overwhelmed by Christmas in general. She’s not going to sleep until 11. She’s not a great sleeper anyway. I’m also interested in ways to improve her sleeping habits. Was going to speak to her today to see what we can come up with. It’s so tiring isn’t it?

This describes my daughter too. She was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year. She has always been tired but is exhausted now. She has taken melatonin but it has little effect on her (it is great for my son however so I know it can work). We've done all the general advice on sleep hygiene so melatonin was our last resort. However as we were so worried about her we had blood tests done and she was low on folate, iron and Vit D, apparently they all contribute to low energy and folate to low mood as well. Her diet has never been great but even more limited since she was diagnosed. She is currently on dietary supplements for three months and in the meantime I'll attempt once again to improve her diet (have just bought a book on ASD and diet so hope it has some tips I haven't already tried). She is also highly anxious and that and masking has always exhausted her. She has now left school because of it, so it is quite an extreme case at the moment.

Hi @Sunnyjac and @VMJ1. Sorry you're both struggling with your daughters' sleep too. @VMJ1 what was the book on diet and ASD called? My daughter's diet is fairly limited too, and her younger brother has been diagnosed with ASD. We give them an oral vitamin D spray, which is supposed to be absorbed by the body better than tablets.
My daughter definitely has some ASD traits and ADHD; she is coping ok so far at secondary(Y7), but is exhausted at the end of the day and I suspect she is masking. Then she gets a new lease of life at bedtime and is full of energy. It's frustrating that her difficulties aren't noticeable enough to be picked up by her teachers at school. I can't see her getting a diagnosis, but she seems like a text book case to me. We have suspected she had inattentive ADHD since she was a baby and my husband got an adult diagnosis of ADHD through learning more about it and discovering he had the traits himself. @VMJ1 did you manage to get the melatonin before the diagnosis?

@Fightingsleep44
Sorry to hear of your difficulties too. Looking back my daughter had been struggling for a while but Covid and lockdowns got in the way and made everything worse in a different way. My daughter also has a renewed lease of life at bedtime which has always been frustrating. Glad we have given up school because she now sleeps from 2 or 3am til 9 / 10am.
BTW The book is Eating for Autism by E Strickland - but I have only just ordered it so can't recommend it yet! We got the melatonin after the diagnosis, but we are lucky enough to pay for a private psychiatrist in order to have access to someone to prescribe it.

With regards to the diagnosis, perhaps you could meet with the teachers and talk to them about the ADHD/ASD symptoms for girls. If she is only in Year 7, they probably don't know her well enough yet (because of Covid my DD's form tutor didn't seem to know her at all). If you could ask them about specific traits perhaps they might take more notice and provide more evidence when they are asked. When I first read about autism in girls I realised so much rang true about my daughter (my son had been diagnosed a month earlier with different indicators). My son had coped through to age 16 but collapsed with burnout in the sixth form, so please do everything you can to get accommodations for her to prevent her getting into the situation that mine have. Good luck.

@Fightingsleep44 my DD wouldn’t be diagnosed if we went through the NHS, the school Senco confirmed that, they haven’t noticed anything at school. I believe they would if they looked closely but that won’t happen. We’re lucky enough to go private though. It’s very concerning that so many children are overlooked. She has started getting a second wind at bedtime, so frustrating as she flops around before that but won’t go to bed, it’s not her time so she won’t do it.

@VMJ1 sounds tough, I hope your daughter starts to thrive now she's home. That's a good idea to talk to the teachers individually. It's the classic case of the "quiet" / not causing any problem child being overlooked. Is the melatonin making much of a difference?

@Sunnyjac - I'd rather get a diagnosis via NHS, so we wouldn't have to pay for prescriptions for medication etc but I get the feeling that children who are great at masking are often overlooked. We may well go private for a diagnosis too. I've read about teenagers with undiagnosed adhd really going off the rails / having v low self esteem as well which is scary

@Fightingsleep44
Unfortunately for my daughter melatonin doesn't make any difference, she tried again last night but didn't have any affect, but it is essential for my son. He has just gone to Uni and it has made such a difference to his life.
I would agree with @Sunnyjac that going private is probably your best bet if you can. Nobody would ever have thought anything wrong with my daughter as she was always so well behaved. Once prescribed, my children's prescriptions have been dealt with by the local doctor. As long as a consultant has prescribed them, they have agreed to dispense them on the NHS.

@Fightingsleep44 that’s my fear, that she’ll go off the rails in some way. She’s already taken to running out of the house in anger on occasion. We’re lucky that we live in a small village but it still makes her vulnerable. The Senco was clear that we will not get an NHS diagnosis because school haven’t picked up on it. Plus I’m just not willing to wait that long