Worth going to GP?

[User7643]

Hi, my daughter is 15 and I suspect she may be autistic.
When she was little she was extremely bright. A really early talker and had quite a quirky and mature way of talking. She was quite rigid in routines for bed, mealtimes, which parent did which job. She was a poor sleeper. She had little oddities like flapping her hands when excited and constantly copied other people (people off the telly, the shoe shop lady etc. She’d remember every detail of them and almost become them). She had little sensory issues, always fastened her shoes ridiculously tight and wouldn’t drink at nursery because the cups were smelly, had to have her socks on just right. Overall, she was tricky but we all managed ok.
Towards end of primary she became quite anxious about things like school trips and whether there would be toilets, whether people would be sick on the bus, she’d be too far away from me etc. She had friends but never understood why they would hug when they only just saw each other or why they were playing with someone when they said they didn’t like them, or why they would lie about what time they went to bed. Just little things like that really. She found school quite stressful and went through phases of doing little twitches/tics with her eyes and face. She also went through a terrible phase of feeling like she needed to pee every five minutes or so (ruining many trips out because we’d have to come home).
Secondary school has been really stressful for her. She manages beautifully at school, she’s in top sets and school wouldn’t suspect for a moment that she was anything other than a bright, polite 15 year old. At home however, she’s getting worse. Her tics are worse, neck stretching, little coughs etc, she won’t eat all day at work or school because she can’t stand the noise of other people eating or people seeing her eat, she gets really stressed if someone clicks a pen in class. She’s totally over reliant on me and texts me all the time with every tiny issue - she’s too hot, she’s cold, she’s annoyed about blah blah blah. She laughs at inappropriate times. She’ll say things like “I just don’t understand why you can’t just say you don’t want to hear it if someone’s saying something boring, I just think people should just say it and be honest about it. I wouldn’t be offended if someone said it to me”. That kind of thing. She has an issue where she doesn’t feel like she can get a deep enough breath so she’s always sighing and huffing and puffing and getting angry because she can’t breathe properly - put down to anxiety by GP but investigations are ongoing.
I just really hate the thought that she may be masking all the time and what affect that is having on her mental health.
Does any of this sound like something a GP could help with? She’s dreading her GCSEs because it’ll be so quiet and all she’ll be able to focus on is the noises of people’s pens, sniffing, coughing etc.
Is it worth seeing a GP?

Sorry for such a long post.

How does your DD feel about the idea of being neuro-diverse? If she's researched it herself and come to that conclusion as a possibility, then you can encourage her, but if she's not in favour, there's not a lot you can do except give her as much positive info on autism and maybe other conditions like ADHD in girls and women as you can find and let her process it.

Anxiety is a big "driver" for other people noticing autistic traits, the less anxiety, the less the autistic person is distressed. For audio sensitivity, my DD's using Flare Calmer, the silicon ones, and finding them very helpful. I'm sure that you are already putting interventions into place for her to help whenever you can, e.g. clothes that are acceptable to her sensory needs, not placing her into stressful environments etc.

If she's happy to proceed, then definitely see the GP and ask for referral, particularly as some of the traits you've mentioned have been present from childhood.

The AQ is for adults, but it may give an indication - that's all it does, no online test is a definitive diagnostic, the diagnostic process is far more complicated than that. aspergerstest.net/aq-test/
Also bear in mind all tests are skewed for male presentation.

The only problem is an NHS assessment waiting list was around 18 months to 2 years pre-Covid, so you may want to enquire about that and then decide if a private assessment would be more suitable for her, to get her a support structure in place at school and beyond. There are increasing numbers of people who specialise in diagnosing girls and women. For a dx to be accepted by the NHS, the team who carry it out must also carry out assessments for the NHS.

This thread is about neurodiverse adults, but it may give you a little insight into your DD's world. It's one of the most informative ones I've ever read.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a4309176-To-ask-what-its-like-to-be-neurodiverse?msgid=109547930#109547930

@BlankTimes thanks so much for taking the time to reply. MY DD is quite up for investigating things. I think it would be a relief for her to find there might be a reason why she finds things so difficult. I do worry that it would give her something else to add to her ‘poor old me’ list though as she can be quite negative.
I will look at the Flare Calmer things. We don’t really have anything like that for her. She puts headphones on while we eat together and we try to facilitate breaks for her to be by herself if there have been social things going on.
Does your DD have a diagnosis?

It's great that your DD is on board with being neurodiverse, some teens absolutely refuse to consider it.

Her negativity probably stems from her knowing she's different but not knowing WHY she's different to her peers.
Imagine being the only person in your family and social circle who hadn't been given the rule-book about anything, all the others instinctively know what to do and you have to stand back, observe, try to mimic and still misjudge things a lot so they all know you're not like them. You look like them, but they instinctively know you are different.
Have a look at Luke Jackson's 'Freaks Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome' and see if that or the sequel could be good for her to read.

Yes, my DD is adult now, mid twenties and autism in girls was absolutely not recognised when she was a child as her behaviour at school was perfectly acceptable and she was well within their academic standards. The system then was abysmal, it's improved now, but isn't perfect by any means.

Ours is a very common story of that era. It took me 10 years to get anyone to listen, school "saw nothing" She was dxd by the NHS with Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia as a child on my insistence that there was something different about her physical capabilities and had OT help for that, then as a young teen she was given a Blue Badge for more physical stuff and DLA because I'd not even thought about applying for it earlier. As an older teen when she struggled to express the knowledge she had in writing although verbally it was not a problem, and she needed extra time for exams, she was assessed again and dxd with other co-morbids and at last in adulthood when I was compiling evidence for PIP, as transfer from indefinite DLA doesn't count, you have to start over from scratch, an NHS team put all of the jigsaw pieces together and she was diagnosed with ASC, so ASC is now her primary diagnosis.
I've found Purple Ella's youtube descriptions of what it's like to be autistic in certain situations have helped me understand quite a bit about how my DD reacts in some situations and why she responds to things in a different way to NT kids.