Directionless teen with ASD

[Goldensyrupissticky]

Hi, am not sure really what advice I hope to get but not sure what to do. I have DS 17 with ASD (Aspergers) and dyslexia. He is in mainstream private 6th form (had EHCP and was in mainstream but was failed repeatedly hence shelling out to guarantee support for dyslexia but that is an thread).

He is really struggling with his A levels and although he has support for his dyslexia this is more for literacy based exercises. He is likely to get very low grades as he is simply struggling to retain information and everything is just working against him. He is socially isolated, more so with COVID (as many are I know). He has no friends, he is socially immature compared to his peers.

He has no real interests, no real ambition and is quite passive. I just don’t know what to do. He is getting virtual support from a charity as he is at real risk of falling into NEET category in a year. I fear university would be pointless as he will struggle to manage study, social aspect and self-care. I am exploring HNC and HND as a fallback, also he would be able to remain at home while getting the independence of getting to college and making mistakes while having me to dig him out. At moment we take him to school as no transport and not possible to get there on own.

Is this typical of a teen with ASD in mainstream? I have no idea. I have no friends with similar children, within local SEN groups I am isolated as he is mainstream and has no aggressive behaviour as result of anxiety so had aggro from parents in the group when I have tried to reach out for support.

I realise it will take him longer to find his niche in life but equally I want him to have some sort of direction.

This sounds very difficult, OP. I'm answering in part because as a parent of an ASD teen (younger than your DS) I don't want your post to go unanswered but I don't have a solution. I think sometimes it's hard to work out which problems are due to ASD and what is due to being a teenager. I have a close NT relative who was as directionless as this and his mum despaired - he is now happy and going into his second year of university.

It sounds as if your plans for a local course are for the best, although might your DS be able to get into university (in a year or two, perhaps? - you don't need stellar grades for a lot of courses). Some universities have quite a lot of support in place for students with ASD now. Definitely don't have him go to one which doesn't.

On the other hand, he may improve if he gets out of education and gets a job where he can learn a particular role and get on with it.

Thanks for replying. I did think, with hindsight, I had posted a question with no solution which can be presented on a plate. Half the trouble is I have nobody to discuss who has a similar situation. As I mentioned friends have children with no SEN needs and all manage well at school and in support groups I seem to be on my own with a teen who doesn’t have extreme behaviour. He could well just be going through a typical teen phase. 🤷‍♀️. A lot of my difficulties is getting DH to accept DS is not just like him and simply needs to focus.

But thanks for taking time to reply.

I have a 17 year old Ds in similar circumstances, who has an ASD diagnosis. He has also has significant mental health difficulties, to add to the mix.

Does your Ds still have an EHCP? If so, then that could support him until he is 25, if needs be.
We are looking at a specialist college for Ds for next September, as he will not be able to cope with Uni, apprenticeship or work. Do you think you have anywhere local to you, that might fit that bill, if the mainstream college route is not suitable? My Ds needs pretty intensive support around independent living and other needs, that are not currently being met. A specialist placement now seems to be the only viable option.

It's very difficult situation to be in, and the lack of support for autistic young people and their families is awful.

Sorry your Ds was failed repeatedly. I wish I had a better answer but unfortunately as a parent of a teen with additional needs, it feels like we are completely on our own.
I've sat in numerous meetings where professionals say they will support, and it never happens.
Hope you find the best route for him.

He no longer has an EHCP. We let it lapsed when we moved him from mainstream to private. Basically, we had a statement from year 4 but apart from having extra phonics there was no extra support. By secondary it had got to the point when the person from Parent Partnership asked us after another meeting with school if we wanted to carry on with the school. School couldn’t even agree to ensure he sat at the front of a class and had homework tasks printed out/ written down for him…let alone the social,skills he was meant to get.

Private school gave him dedicated learning support (extra fee) but it got his confidence back and enabled him to get his GCSEs. When we were eventually asked for a review by council (2 years after we had last had one) school wasn’t keen to do paperwork and to be honest I had enough of the whole council SEN team, it talked the talk but seemed toothless to get people to deliver.

Of course now I regret this but technically he is entitled to reasonable adjustments and has he has always had additional support for exams it would be hard for a college to deny this.

He doesn’t struggle enough to warrant specialist college, this was our problem throughout, he clearly struggled to engage with peers and school but wasn’t behind enough or challenging enough to tick boxes for specialist school. Not that this is a magic wand.

He could live independently eventually but he is so vulnerable.

You’re right, families are really just left to manage on their own.

Some HE colleges might have support units which will help him through the process of getting an EHCP again. I know some universities are doing it. He should at least get some help (depending on the college, of course).

It's really difficult when your DC needs extra help but not loads of extra help. Everyone around them thinks they're fine or that they don't work hard enough and actually it's the ASD and they are having massive unseen problems. I teach quite a few young adults with ASD and made that mistake myself until I learned more about about autism.

@Chaotica that is so true, I do think his school think his difficulties are purely down to his dyslexia and forget that ASD and indeed dyslexia are a bit more than difficulties in spelling.

Having had such a negative experience with the statement and EHCP, I really can’t see the rewards being worth the stress. It takes so long to get the thing and then it was fighting just to get any of it auctioned. Hence, why we are back to sorting ourselves out but without the pointless reviews and endless fruitless meetings

Sorry, am in quite a negative frame of mind and I really do appreciate all of you commenting, sorry I am such a negative nelly. Just frustrating that there is nowhere really to turn although we have managed to get support from a charity running a program for teens at risk of becoming a NEET (am assuming NEET is used as a noun.) They have been helpful in exploring options while school is all about top universities which he really can’t hope to access.