I long ago stopped comparing my son to his NT peers and his elder brothers, who both did well at school and ended up going to university. That way madness lies and it is pointless.
I used to just think of what DS3 could do now that he couldn't do last year, or the year before and celebrate those achievements.
Also things have improved as DS has grown up, largely I think, because we have fought for the right support, and the right training and education for him, which has made a huge difference.
When he was 16 I couldn't envisage him ever living away from us or doing anything on his own. I thought then that eventually, we would end up later in life, a doddery old couple with a 50 year old man trailing round after us wherever we went. The idea of our son even catching a bus by himself was unthinkable.
Four years later, after training , he was able catch the bus back home from college. He is now 26 and regularly goes out on his own in the local area which he is familiar with, and often catches a bus into town or some other local place. He can use a mobile phone and always takes it with him and keeps it switched on, so we can keep in contact with him. At first he had a cheap phone that he could just take calls and text on. Then he learned you could do loads of other things on phones and he asked for a smartphone of his own, so he could do all those things too.
As the years have gone by, we have met many challenges, but our son has continued to develop in his own pace. Mainstream FE was a disaster as the staff had no clue about autism and just expected him to fit in with everyone else. Not surprisingly the placement fell down and our son was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder .
When he was 21 he went to a specialist residential college for students with autism, 160 miles away from home, where the staff are absolutely fabulous. He spent 3 years there and achieved far more than I ever thought possible.
He learnt independent living skills, improved his communication skills, did work experience dealing with the public at several tourist attractions, and acquired GCSE and NVQ level 3 qualifications.
He learnt to cook, to do his washing and ironing, and to manage money. He learnt to travel independently and regularly travelled home on the train from Somerset to Staffordshire by himself, which involved changing trains. His confidence improved and his self assurance became more and more apparent as time went on. He is now looking forward to living in a place of his own, when I once thought he'd be living with us for ever.
Most important of all, he is happy. He will never go to university, and he may never live wholly independently, but he has regained his self esteem and self confidence and the anxiety that was once so painfully evident, is under control most of the time.
But his greatest achievement is that he has triumphed over autism to such a degree it no longer defines him. He has come to accept and understand his condition, and learnt strategies to cope with his difficulties.
Now, it is just a part of who he is, along with his love of cats, his quirky sense of humour, and his knack of endearing himself to everyone who comes to know him.