12yr old girl. Potential ASD

[Levis501star]

It's not yet formally diagnosed but makes a lot of sense.

She clearly masks well at school through friends / social side is hard. She also masks when at her fathers I think as he's so short fused and is cross with her for having a challenge. Eg making a decision about something small.

Started seeing psychologist a while ago due to anxiety but she struggled to engage over Skype in covid and she more or less refused to do the sessions. I continued talking to the psychologist and be are thinking that the asd is likely. We are considering an assessment process

Issue is that dd will struggle a lot with just the idea of being officially different. She's likely to have a v emotional and difficult response. She usually buries her head and I can see how this might play out?

For context some of her usual challenges listed below:

High anxiety / fear about many many things. Some rational (to me) like dog phobia others not so eg really struggles with busy places abs becomes almost paranoid about people staring at her, pushing her out of the way (standing by her looking at the same thing), the pressure of making a choice

Sensory issues - clothes / tooth brushing/ hair brushing/ loud places.
Clothes are hard especially the itchy legs with leggings.

Social issues- struggles to stand in others shoes, struggles to navigate friends

Life is often obviously really overwhelming for her.

Overwhelm makes her really verbally unpleasant- all comes out as rants and rudeness about other people

She does however do well at school and at home when she's relaxed / not under pressure she's brilliant company and lovely.

I could go on.

I know girls are harder to diagnose and so wondered if others have had a diagnosis relatively late like this and how it went telling them etc ?

My DD was diagnosed in Y6 we told her straight away and she has found knowing why she finds some things more difficult a huge relief. She no longer feels weird and has fully embraced that it is simply a neurological difference. She has friends and has chosen to tell some but not others.

I understand why you might be worried but if your DD is autistic then she is whether you seek a diagnosis or not.

For our whole family a diagnosis was the best thing to happen as it meant we could support DD in the right way.

Good luck, ultimately your DD is still the same wonderful girl.

My family's experience is very similar to what RedTen said. It was positive for DD. We emphasised that it might be easier to get help and to understand her with a diagnosis and it helps her to understand herself.

It also allows us to factually point out that some of her quirks/problems are based on very misguided beliefs. (Such as that other people can read her mind.) This might help with some of your DD's issues.

Your daughter sounds just like my 14yr old dd. Recently diagnosed in last 12 months.
She initially was upset but we pushed the positive side. Explained that it doesn’t change who she is or how much we love her but now she is able to access more support in difficult situations. She is generally happier now that she doesn’t spend all day masking and coming home exhausted.